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critique Critique my screenplay try
- Thread starter Future_Screen
- Start date
I have converted your script into an accessible PDF. I can send it to your email if you can't convert it into a readable format. Just let me know.
Also a second critique ,
Your script has an interesting premise. It has potential. But it's a bit vague. For example we never get a clear answer to why the Director has turned ? what happened to him ? Why has he become one of the victims himself? Or maybe he hasn't turned at all? Maybe he wanted to know if Jemma could find out about them, and when she was close to uncovering the secret he barges in and fires her ? these questions arise because you haven't thoroughly explained what is happening. What are the Director's motivations ? If you can answer these questions in your script, it would be a more meaningful read. as Panos mentioned, this problem comes from the fact that you're rushing yourself to write. Take your time and try to explain things more clearly before jumping to abrupt conclusions and character arcs.
Your script has an interesting premise. It has potential. But it's a bit vague. For example we never get a clear answer to why the Director has turned ? what happened to him ? Why has he become one of the victims himself? Or maybe he hasn't turned at all? Maybe he wanted to know if Jemma could find out about them, and when she was close to uncovering the secret he barges in and fires her ? these questions arise because you haven't thoroughly explained what is happening. What are the Director's motivations ? If you can answer these questions in your script, it would be a more meaningful read. as Panos mentioned, this problem comes from the fact that you're rushing yourself to write. Take your time and try to explain things more clearly before jumping to abrupt conclusions and character arcs.
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Official FAQ
Open Celtx "File"
Load an existing Celtx project
Click the "Title Page" tab to create a title page for your script (input the title, author, copyright information and contact information)
Click the TypeSet/PDF tab
Click "Save PDF"
"Save"
Open Celtx "File"
Load an existing Celtx project
Click the "Title Page" tab to create a title page for your script (input the title, author, copyright information and contact information)
Click the TypeSet/PDF tab
Click "Save PDF"
"Save"
There is no attachment option in PM. Follow my previous instructions or Indietalk's instructions. If you were still unable to convert it properly, send me your email address so I can attach the PDF for you.
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I think it comes from the fact that she's been struggling for such a long time to write anything and now she finally has.
Here guys , give this a try :
https://www.dropbox.com/s/hnvbuwlk0dp7aqc/Screenplay.pdf?dl=0
All credit goes to Future Screen.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/hnvbuwlk0dp7aqc/Screenplay.pdf?dl=0
All credit goes to Future Screen.
Future_Screen Your script feels rushed. It's not only the gremar. We don't learn a lot of things that should be necessary. Why does she wants this assignment? Who is changing? The director doesn't like to be disappointed, so what? Is she a psycho? How can the look over thousand of files? How can we hear a gunshot and then the director pulls out her gun? Is Eric important for this story? So many questions....
Don't use hyperbole as fact in descriptions.
The room is not really two football stadiums big is it?
That sounds like a fact. When I think it is hyperbole. You can exaggerate as long as the reader knows it's exaggeration. But this is written more as fact.
The room is not really two football stadiums big is it?
That sounds like a fact. When I think it is hyperbole. You can exaggerate as long as the reader knows it's exaggeration. But this is written more as fact.
The next line: "The room looked as if it was cut from a James Bond movie."
Maybe it is...