life sucks-help

kgasser2

kgasser2

I know everyone says this at times but i really feel like my life sucks horribly and its so hard to change. I've never known what it is i wanted to do with my life until recently i finally decided i want to be a filmmaker. its always been something i was very interested in but i never decided to make it my number 1 goal because its so hard to break into. so i thought ok i'll go to college and do something lame ass just to have a career then when you're making money you can go back and work on film. i tried 2 different times to go to school, neither of which worked out. first i went to a pretty expensive school where my girlfriend went (i should have known better) then i hated school and hated my life and went through a lot of depression and anxiety and shit and i wanted to die so i just dropped out then floated around for a while and tried to go back to school the next fall, that i still hated. I can't make myself do anything that i don't truly want to do and the only thing i'm truly interested anymore is music and film and weed.

so this is where i am now, i'm 20 years old, almost 21. I'm living with my parents working a shitty job (not shitty but i dont make hardly any money at all) i'm like $25,000 in debt because of my various school attempts that amounted to nothing in the end and i really dont know what to do. living at home is aweful because my parents and i dont get along at all (mostly my dad who is the supreme ruler of anyone in 'his' house) and he always gets pissed because i'm always spending my free time reading books (a few novels but mostly film theory and film text books) and analyzing film then working on my own projects instead of doing whatever he thinks i should be doing which is get more jobs and make money so i can get the fuck out. and really i wish that i could because i dont want to be here any more than he wants me to but its fucking hard you know? i dont have money, i can't make money, and i owe a lot of it. i just want to move out somewhere and be able to work on my projects but like i dont even have a camera. i dont even give a shit about making a ton of money i just want to pay off what i owe and have a shitty car and a tiny apartment in the city where i can smoke cigarettes and click on a typewriter all day and direct my little pictures.

so ultimately i want to be a writer/director (who doesnt these days?) I'll be filming my first real project (which i'm going to discuss in another thread) in the next 2 or 3 weeks so that will be cool to have finally accomplished but, assuming i'm not a wonderkin and end up winning some bad ass short film festival and get sucked into hollywood then i say fuck you and i'm a big rebel and then i get a bunch of press then i'm famous and making bullshit money that way...

what should i do from here?

how do i get started on my goals?

does anyone else here suffer from depression/social anxiety that has advice on how to deal with life?

i really think i have an artistic mind set and i think that i have the potential to be a great filmmaker but i dont know how to get there.

help me!

sorry for the insanely long post, i've been holding this in for a while and i need someone to listen to me..
 
Start bussing tables. Work as hard as you can to get promoted to serving. Even bussers can afford to live on their own. Get out from underneath your parents' rule. Do stuff. Make mistakes. Along the way, you'll learn about life and yourself, and you'll find your way eventually.

Life's a marathon, dude. You've barely just begun. This won't be the last time you suffer from depression. Just remember that everything in life is temorary. Nothing lasts forever. Including this slump you find yourself in. The sooner you decide to make the change happen, the sooner you'll be off having fun discovering a new way of life.

Get a cheap camera, and make some movies!
 
I think that dreaming that your life can be different is the first step to really start building something significant. Its perfectly normal to suffer from anxiety and depression, specially when you are in a cross road in your life, but that does not mean its not going away.

The first thing you should do is be thankful that you are smart enough to have goals. Many people simply don't have them, and tend to drift through life without any ambition whatsoever of making something out of themselves.

It doesn't matter what your relationship is with your family, and how may think it affects you, what is important is that you are the "supreme ruler ;) " of your life, you have the power to change things, to make things happen.

I think dreaming of being a film director is a perfectly reasonable aspiration, but try and focus on small pleasurable steps, such as first learning the trade from the bottom. Why not focus in trying to learn everything you can about writing for film, and then progressively try different disciplines, and learn more technical aspects on film making, get yourself out there, and test you abilities!

You can do this while working on the side, many of us have done it, and most of the people you see that succeeded in the film industry have done it.
 
Cracker Funk said:
Start bussing tables. Work as hard as you can to get promoted to serving.
Life's a marathon, dude. You've barely just begun. This won't be the last time you suffer from depression. Just remember that everything in life is temorary. Nothing lasts forever. Including this slump you find yourself in. The sooner you decide to make the change happen, the sooner you'll be off having fun discovering a new way of life.

Get a cheap camera, and make some movies!
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I would say that is a wonderful piece of advise.
 
It sounds to me like the proximate source of your most pressing problem is your relationship at home.

Find a way to get out on your own. That would be my immediate goal. Find 5 other creative/artistic types of your age-group and rent a fucking 6 bedroom house. Cheap. Mutual support. Artistic synergy. Adventure.


You can do it.
 
Make your movie.

If you're not making your own movie, be working on someone else's movie.

The more time you spend actually doing, the less time you have to think about how life's tough.


the only thing i'm truly interested anymore is music and film and weed.
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If you can't afford your own place (even with roommates), you can't afford to buy pot.
 
Can I just say something? Being depressed and having depression, and not being a social person and having anxiety, are different things. Everyone gets depressed, sometimes for no reason, sometimes for obvious reasons. And if you're depressed or in any way have a remotely unstable mental and/or emotional state, weed is just about one of the worst things you could be doing. Drugs will not help you, they will make it worse.
Read the book 'I have a black dog' by Matthew Johnstone.
And follow everyone else's advice (which I think is sparkling btw).
Good luck :)
 
Everyone gets depressed man (The 20's are a complete trip), but there are just things you have to do in life that suck, often they are worse to think about than to actually do, and if you have no choice but to do them, then it doesn’t matter if they suck or not –you just do them.

Don’t decide to be a filmmaker, just make films if you are compelled to do so and let other people call you a filmmaker when the time comes.

Do decide shit like “I should get involved in a trade, like carpentry or plumbing so I can get paid to stay in shape and learn the skills that are making other people money, then I can go anywhere and be able to make cash to buy gear and pay rent and make location connections and people connections to make films.”

Debt is debt, you go in - you come out - you go in - you come out. Just keep paying on it.

If you really want the car and the apartment and the typewriter, then it’s your film, go make it.
If you think you can’t, then it’s the time in life to learn that there is no choice, you have to make it and it’s not easy, but the big secret is, its way way WAY worse to think you can’t, because in the end you will -and it’s not impossible. (It just takes a plan.)

Get a plan.


-Thanks-
 
the only thing i'm truly interested anymore is music and film and weed.
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I still love weed, but if you use it in anything other than moderation, it will make you stupid, lazy, and depressed.

Argue all you want, but I've lived through it. I wish i could remember more of my 20s. I wish I hadn't wasted almost all of them stoned. I wish I had started seriously making movies in my 20s and could keep up with all the young folks around me now who started making movies in their teens and didn't waste them being high all the time.

i dont even give a shit about making a ton of money i just want to pay off what i owe and have a shitty car and a tiny apartment in the city where i can smoke cigarettes and click on a typewriter all day and direct my little pictures.
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That's a nice goal to have! It's attainable! I would hazard a guess and say that most of the people on this board DO NOT earn their livings making movies. So you're in good company. C-Funk has a great idea...get into the restaurant service trade. You'll learn skills that can transfer to any city. You'll work long hours, but everyone does. You'll meet interesting people and brainstorm interesting stories while on the job. Then at quitting time, you'll run home and write these stories and ideas down. Mold them into movies. Plan to make these movies during your time not working. Save the pipe for Saturday morning cartoons only.

I, too, suffer from anxiety and depression. I'm in debt up to my eyeballs. Three or four weeks ago I was staring at a stack of bills that were late and I had no way to pay them. My day job paychecks didn't cover them because of a couple of emergency car repairs and a trip to the ER for my son who fell and hit his head (he's okay). I was shaking from anxiety. So I took a long walk and came home and took out my camera and made a short little 1 minute movie about the cheap clothes I've always worn. Scored it myself with my electric guitar (playing the blues is great therapy for the blues). Posted it to Facebook and Vimeo and here. Made a few people smile. Got me over my anxiety. Still late on the bills, but shit...those bills are just numbers on a page. I can make movies, damnit! Movies that have made a few people smile and forget their bullshit for the duration.

Yes, life sucks. Especially these days. The economy is in the shitter, the planet is dying, it's a million degrees and humid as hell constantly here in the midwest. I deal with it by making movies. Not to further a career or place me on a never-ending path towards higher financial security. I do it to deal with my own mental shit and to make a few people smile.

So get a credit card and buy a camera of any kind and then cut the credit card up. Find out if you make enough to pay for a small apartment in the city. If not, quit smoking cigarettes and buying pot and see if that allows you to pay for a small apartment in the city. If not, find a higher paying job. Go the restaurant route. And get out there and make movies! For you. For me.
 
thanks for the advices. i've thought about a lot of these things before but the hardest part about any of it is having/getting money. its so hard to find a decent job, its just about as hard to find a shitty job working a ton of hours, but either way its just hard.. i wasnt made for this world.

anyway.. i've been considering going back to school but i don't know what for exactly. some of the possibilities i've been thinking through are
-going to the community college in columbus and taking a 2 year digital video and sound major. this is cheap, short and some of the classes (although nothing close to a film school) seem like things that could help with an independent filmmaking career such as: videography and editing, audio editing/vo, narrative storytelling and production, screenwriting for digital video and sound, doc story telling, dvd development, and a number of classes using most of the adobe softwares

-majoring in film studies at ohio state, which they say very clearly is not a film school, but an intensive study of all aspects of film. you can choose a plan of study that focuses on production. (this is currently my top choice of the 3)

-last would be to just go to film school. i was looking into vancouver film school, which is a 1 year program and like $50,000!

the way i see it, the first possibility is the cheapest, relatively quick, and has the highest possibility of having a job right after school (although outside of filmmaking per se), the second is expensive, 4 years long, but i feel it would offer me the best knowledge of film and theory (i get the impression i would go in a pretentious film snob and come out an intellectual hah :). the last choice, is real expensive, but short, giving me the most practical knowledge in filmmaking, but might have a lower chance of landing a job in the field

what are your thoughts/opinions?


ps. to 'insert cliche here' (clever name btw) i didnt mean that depression and anxiety are the same thing, i meant that i have both of those things. although i do tend to believe that they perpetuate each other. and yeah its true weed probably doesnt help those things but it helps me think (sometimes too much)

is the indietalk crowd interested in a full out discussion of my new project? some problems i'm having with it? i was thinking about starting another thread for it.

thanks again
 
K.I.S.S.

Keep It Simple, Stupid!

This is one of my daily mantras, although I apply a more denigrating term than "stupid" to myself.

Yes, you're confused, people are all over your case, having to earn money sucks, your living arrangements are frustrating, and you've chosen a highly competitive field. So strip it down to the essentials.

1. You have a place to live.

2. You have some income.

3. You have a desire.


The most difficult thing to do for many, many people is to find the separation between their "mundane" life and their "desire" life. And as you get older you have many more obligations and responsibilities to tie you down and pursuing your "desire" life becomes much more difficult. So now, while you don't have all of those pesky obligations and responsibilities, is the time to take risks. So you strip it down to essentials - service your mundane life and pursue your desires. But following "the dream" requires a lot of discipline. Every minute you are not working to pay the bills so you can eat and have a place to flop your desire must, I repeat, MUST occupy every remaining minute. Get out there and learn. Work on every project that you can find in whatever position you can get. Read your books, but observe it put (or not) into practice. Go to screenings and network. Go to discussion groups, listen and learn - and network. Pick up a cheap camera and a basic NLE, shoot anything and everything, and then play with the footage; experiment with whatever "toys" are available to you.

Stay away from the booze, the broads and the drugs - you don't have the time or the money, you have more important things to do.

Out of all of this comes opportunity/success. How does the cliche go? 1% inspiration 99% perspiration. There are millions of guys and gals who have a story similar to yours. The ones who get anywhere at all are the ones who put everything into it; further success will depend upon talent, skill and, yes, luck. So work your tail off and an opportunity will appear; and you are young enough to take advantage of them (take risks) without the ties of wife, kids, mortgage, etc.

So stop belly-aching and get to work. And hey, I know exactly how you feel; but defeating that feeling is one of the first steps - and one of the hardest.

Good Luck!
 
is the indietalk crowd interested in a full out discussion of my new project? some problems i'm having with it?
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Ummm...that's kind of why we're here. It's why I joined. It's why I volunteer my services as a moderator.

I'm certainly not a member here to talk about Avatar.

I'D LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR NEW PROJECT! YES! PLEASE TELL US! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!
 
uranium city-you just spoke to me. not that any one elses advice didnt help, but you just made me feel much better about everything. i guess in a fucked up way its nice to know i'm not the only one eating shit in this world :/

"Save the pipe for Saturday morning cartoons only." comments like these make me wonder why we arent friends.

speaking of which, i wont elaborate on it now but i've always been thinking, why dont we, the indie talk community, make a film together? collectively we must have all the resources to make something cool. as long as cracker funk doesnt try to remake avatar. :)
 
You have so much good advice here, I feel as though I am showing up late for the party :D

Okay.

First you must know that this is what you want to do. No one starts as a wunderkind. You should see Tarantino's first film or Peter Jackson's (that one is truly bad!) You have to also understand the reality of this field. It is NO DIFFERENT than being an artist with a brush or a musician of any kind. To be good at it, even if you have talent, you have to work hard at it.

There may be people around you who don't get it and don't support it. So you will have to know how much you want it and know whether or not you can stay the course. It will be difficult, but if you want it, you'll stick with it. It is easy to feel as though your life sucks when there is no money coming in. Believe me, I know how you feel.

So now what do you do? Well try to surround yourself with people who are trying to make films. Try to learn from them. There are people on this board from Columbus.

How do you start on your goals: you already have. Make that first project as great as you can. And ACCEPT the criticism you most surely will get for your first project. Ignore the "you suck" comments and take to heart the ones that tell you how to improve your next project.

And you might find some sort of employment. Every filmmaker I know has a day job so don't feel as though you are selling out. This is how you will get your own camera and eventually a better camera and more equipment.

Good Luck. You will need it as we all do. Come back here for advice. 21 is a fine time to start this journey.

-- spinner :cool:
 
Secrets to my success:

Don't do drugs.

Hard work.

Being honest.

Keeping my word.

Flourishing and prospering.

My suggestions are to stop hanging your head in the gutter and get busy doing worthwhile activities. This includes making films no matter what they are.

PM me if you want a point in the correct direction for some real solutions to your goals, how to handle work, how to communicate to people, how to get and keep a job...
 
Dude life's a cold hearted bit*h, but as soon as you stop feeling sorry for yourself in your parents house and put down the joint to better yourself life gets better.

If you want to film, get out and do it, buy a cheap camera and an editing program and do it! I think you should honestly read Rebel Without A Crew by Robert Rodriguez. He started out with no money and a camera he borrowed and just did it. He even signed his life over and made himself a lab testing rat for months at a time to be able to fund his film. Thats dedication. If you really are serious about this stop smoking weed, get off your butt and do it! Weed is pointless it's not going to get you more money, its not going to give you magic ideas for movies, its just going to waste your life away being lazy.

Film my man Film!
 
You absolutely SHOULD start a thread to discuss the ideas for your next project. That is exactly the purpose of this forum.

By the way, if only you could see my current production -- it is pretty much the opposite end of the spectrum from "Avatar". That's not to say that I don't dream of some day having a budget at my disposal that will allow me to make my own space epic.

I hope I'm not beating a dead-horse, but I really have to strongly recommend the restaurant biz. You can make an OK amount of money, but more importantly, you'll be networking and making friends with artists of all sorts of backgrounds. So, you find yourself wandering in your early 20's not sure which direction to take your life? That'd be 75% of all restaurant workers. You seen the movie "Waiting"? I think you'll find yourself surrounded by people you understand, and who understand you, and that might make navigating life a little easier in the short-term.
 
Re: weed: everyone in this thread is wrong. Drugs are only a problem if the addiction (psychological, physical, or otherwise) interferes with your life. I smoke weed pretty much everyday, and I'm not stupid (am lazy and apathetic, though, but that's not new, and weed has in fact helped both!). I have cyclothymia, and weed is the best thing at leveling me out. Of course, YMMV, and there's a fine line between medicinal, recreational, and harmful usage, but I can't stand idly by while everyone's hatin' on a bro. Plenty of successful people use drugs, but you can't let it control your life. Do you need weed more than you need to move out of your parents' house?

As for what to do... well, life sucks, man. I still haven't figured shit out, no matter how deeply I delve into philosophy or film or drugs or love or anything. We're born, things happen, we die, and we're forgotten. Ad infinitum. It happens.

But it's not all bad. Art is very therapeutic. Filmmaking could be a great way to exorcise your demons, so to speak, even if you don't end up making a living doing it.

I would vote against film school. You're already in debt, and you can learn anything you'd learn in film school with research on the Internet and learning from your mistakes as you make movies.

Is housing really that expensive where you live? I work two shitty part time jobs that pay me barely over minimum and I make enough money to survive on my own.

I was in a similar situation to you a few years ago, sans massive debt. I'd dropped out of college and was living with my folks, and felt pretty much like a bag of turds. Things get better. Remember: this too shall pass.
 
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