I know everyone says this at times but i really feel like my life sucks horribly and its so hard to change. I've never known what it is i wanted to do with my life until recently i finally decided i want to be a filmmaker. its always been something i was very interested in but i never decided to make it my number 1 goal because its so hard to break into. so i thought ok i'll go to college and do something lame ass just to have a career then when you're making money you can go back and work on film. i tried 2 different times to go to school, neither of which worked out. first i went to a pretty expensive school where my girlfriend went (i should have known better) then i hated school and hated my life and went through a lot of depression and anxiety and shit and i wanted to die so i just dropped out then floated around for a while and tried to go back to school the next fall, that i still hated. I can't make myself do anything that i don't truly want to do and the only thing i'm truly interested anymore is music and film and weed.
so this is where i am now, i'm 20 years old, almost 21. I'm living with my parents working a shitty job (not shitty but i dont make hardly any money at all) i'm like $25,000 in debt because of my various school attempts that amounted to nothing in the end and i really dont know what to do. living at home is aweful because my parents and i dont get along at all (mostly my dad who is the supreme ruler of anyone in 'his' house) and he always gets pissed because i'm always spending my free time reading books (a few novels but mostly film theory and film text books) and analyzing film then working on my own projects instead of doing whatever he thinks i should be doing which is get more jobs and make money so i can get the fuck out. and really i wish that i could because i dont want to be here any more than he wants me to but its fucking hard you know? i dont have money, i can't make money, and i owe a lot of it. i just want to move out somewhere and be able to work on my projects but like i dont even have a camera. i dont even give a shit about making a ton of money i just want to pay off what i owe and have a shitty car and a tiny apartment in the city where i can smoke cigarettes and click on a typewriter all day and direct my little pictures.
so ultimately i want to be a writer/director (who doesnt these days?) I'll be filming my first real project (which i'm going to discuss in another thread) in the next 2 or 3 weeks so that will be cool to have finally accomplished but, assuming i'm not a wonderkin and end up winning some bad ass short film festival and get sucked into hollywood then i say fuck you and i'm a big rebel and then i get a bunch of press then i'm famous and making bullshit money that way...
what should i do from here?
how do i get started on my goals?
does anyone else here suffer from depression/social anxiety that has advice on how to deal with life?
i really think i have an artistic mind set and i think that i have the potential to be a great filmmaker but i dont know how to get there.
help me!
sorry for the insanely long post, i've been holding this in for a while and i need someone to listen to me..
so this is where i am now, i'm 20 years old, almost 21. I'm living with my parents working a shitty job (not shitty but i dont make hardly any money at all) i'm like $25,000 in debt because of my various school attempts that amounted to nothing in the end and i really dont know what to do. living at home is aweful because my parents and i dont get along at all (mostly my dad who is the supreme ruler of anyone in 'his' house) and he always gets pissed because i'm always spending my free time reading books (a few novels but mostly film theory and film text books) and analyzing film then working on my own projects instead of doing whatever he thinks i should be doing which is get more jobs and make money so i can get the fuck out. and really i wish that i could because i dont want to be here any more than he wants me to but its fucking hard you know? i dont have money, i can't make money, and i owe a lot of it. i just want to move out somewhere and be able to work on my projects but like i dont even have a camera. i dont even give a shit about making a ton of money i just want to pay off what i owe and have a shitty car and a tiny apartment in the city where i can smoke cigarettes and click on a typewriter all day and direct my little pictures.
so ultimately i want to be a writer/director (who doesnt these days?) I'll be filming my first real project (which i'm going to discuss in another thread) in the next 2 or 3 weeks so that will be cool to have finally accomplished but, assuming i'm not a wonderkin and end up winning some bad ass short film festival and get sucked into hollywood then i say fuck you and i'm a big rebel and then i get a bunch of press then i'm famous and making bullshit money that way...
what should i do from here?
how do i get started on my goals?
does anyone else here suffer from depression/social anxiety that has advice on how to deal with life?
i really think i have an artistic mind set and i think that i have the potential to be a great filmmaker but i dont know how to get there.
help me!
sorry for the insanely long post, i've been holding this in for a while and i need someone to listen to me..