Why am I doing it? Why did i make 2 short films, 1 music video, 3 long camp videos for my high school class, 1 hour long talent show video (which i made over $200 AU from screening it in 2 days) and a school end of year video CD? Why did i sign up to IndieTalk one of the most popular film communities?
I forgot why! I forgot why i did it in the first place! *releases anger* And i'm trying to look for it again!
Ever since the start of 2009 I have been doughting my abilities to film, my choice to have a filmmaking career. Somehow i think it affected how i worked with my group to create an ensemble performace in VCE Drama, i did so bad when i used to do so excellently before.
And now that I am uncertain about my future (i'm in my last year in high school) i don't know what university course i should choose!
I've always been certain about filmmaking since i was 16 (i'm now 1 month before turning 1

! I had a real passion for it and now I don't see it or feel it anymore!
I see no point in it in life now!
But i want to get it back! I've tried to find out why and identify reasons for losing it like, maybe because it's my last year, teachers give me soo much homework i don't have time to film anything or even time for myself which makes my interest in filmmaking drift off. Or it could be that i relised i am growing old, that probably contributed to me thinking that a filmmaking career is a childish dream.
I DON'T KNOW! Looking back at my first video that got me interesting in filmmaking i tried to find my passion/what kept me motivated, i trialed a few reasons but they only lasted for a few days.
And now i've come to somesort of conclusion that i'm probably scared to die and that probably contributes to me feeling like settling down for a life of helping the world, whether it's helping a grandma cross the street, giving advice to people, building a house for poeple to live in, donating blood, donating money or maybe even solve the green house gas emissions problem. BUT I WANT MY PASSION BACK! Why? because it used to make me feel so proud and happy, the happiest, most enjoyable times of my life.
And now i've come to IndieTalk to ask a question, to get atleast some idea to get my passion back. Although i'm still looking for it, thank you spinner your response was the closest to what i'm looking for. And thanks kazze for trying!
EDIT:
"BUT...
...if you are still listening, and you are not discouraged or swayed. If you can muster up the energy to take an unpaid position on a project that will never see the light of day in order to learn from it; if you can be your own best encouragement; if you can keep clear vision of your vision; if you can bite the bullet and figure out how to do a project with, or worse for no money; if you can get that second-hand video camera though you have little or no money; if you can remember that your indie project must be approached not from Hollywood standards down, but from your broke ass up; if you can "McGuyver" something up to improve your projects big scene; if you can work all night because you know this is all the time you have...
...if you can - and this is a big one - spend the weekend researching your own grants or writing your own proposals; if you can remember that sometimes it takes money to make money; if you can shut out all naysayers and spit in the eye of Murphy's Law; if you can be brave enough to send your artistic baby into the world; if you can listen to constructive criticism and separate the "you sucks" from the "that shot was pretty good"; if you can remember that just as an actor acts, you're not a filmmaker if you don't shoot something; if you can know and accept that this road in life ain't no crystal stair; if you can remember why you wanted to do this in the first place..."
Back when i had that passion i was prepared for all of that, really i was!