logline My First Draft Of A Logline For My New Script

[Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC]

This logline still needs work. It's too long, but here we go:

I, Creator 2: Goddess of the Hunt​

Logline:​

In order to save the Amazon soldiers of two enemy nations on a far off planet from a common enemy, Black Ops Special Forces Cyborg leaders Angela Bruno and Gail Storm force a truce between them with the blessings of their goddess, Artemis, which will set the wheels into motion for a war between humans and cyborgs.

 

[Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC]

DAMN, that's a good note. CF, you nailed it.




BSG had the benefit of there being back story, strong characters, long story arcs, and over riding themes before taking things into a dark dark place. It's a TV series that ran for 4 seasons, plus a 2 part mini-series. It's a lot harder to emulate that in a movie or even movie trilogy.

Two different mediums with completely different modes of achieving emotion effects. Quantifying emotion with math, when a character dies in a movie, we only have 1-2 hours invested in them. In a TV series, you could have months or years invested in that character and we empathize much more when the stories go to a "dark place".

This is where movies based on books have a certain unfair advantage. Look at TWILIGHT series. Tweens have 4-5 books they've read with more depth and detail than a movie could possibly hold guiding their emotions along, giving a little nod several pages of detail the average viewer doesn't have. In a theatrical setting, these people affect the people around them subconsciously - reacting to things on screen and via a form of osmosis, the rest affect that the rest.

That is absolutely correct.

However, with movies, how often are sequels clones of the original movie without any new character journey or arcing?

The way I have the story lined up is each new script continues where the last one left off and introduces new characters who help to flush out something of the old reappearing characters.

 

[Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC]

Probably too picky, but by definition, western minds believe in the omnipresence of their supreme beings. I think there's a fundamental flaw with your believers thinking a god/dess has been 'absent', BUT I think it's human nature to assume, in bad times, that a god/dess has either abandoned them or that their (humans) circumstances are the result of a benevolent being's endowment of free will.

Have you competed this script, yet?

You're also forgetting what is going on in our world today where people look to science over religion to explain the mysteries around them. Also, how many people question if there ever was a real god? There would be events like this going on in a futuristic society too. That is why Artemis chooses to walk undercover among humans at times, appearing as one of them.

 

[Cracker Funk]

I think Cracker Funk should be payed as a script doctor for this.

Lol. That could be fun.

 

[Papertwinproductions]

You're also forgetting what is going on in our world today where people look to science over religion to explain the mysteries around them.

This isn't true. I'm an atheist, but regardless, there's no fact in your statement depicting that any number of people are turning towards Science over Religion for explanation of any detail of their existence. It's simply not true.

 

[directorik]

It seems you are too focused on the names of people, who or what
they are, names of places and sequels.

After the murder of his family a farm boy follows an old man to
rescue a young woman and defeat his enemy.

A young man must learn to become a warrior to defeat an empire.

A farm boy leaves his home to rescue a princess from an evil
overlord.

Any of those will give you the essence of the story but not all
the really cool details. No names of cool places or characters. No
mention at all of robot companions, rogue smugglers or space
battles. No mention of far off planets or the darker nature of the
sequel.

Can you sci-fi story be told in human terms?

whats so important about a logline?

All agents, producers, directors, prodCo's and studios want to read
a logline before they read the script. And a logline is important for
marketing. If a story is so complicated that it needs a paragraph to
explain it will be difficult to promote and market.

 

[Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC]

It seems you are too focused on the names of people, who or what
they are, names of places and sequels.

After the murder of his family a farm boy follows an old man to
rescue a young woman and defeat his enemy.

A young man must learn to become a warrior to defeat an empire.

A farm boy leaves his home to rescue a princess from an evil
overlord.

Any of those will give you the essence of the story but not all
the really cool details. No names of cool places or characters. No
mention at all of robot companions, rogue smugglers or space
battles. No mention of far off planets or the darker nature of the
sequel.

Can you sci-fi story be told in human terms?

All agents, producers, directors, prodCo's and studios want to read
a logline before they read the script. And a logline is important for
marketing. If a story is so complicated that it needs a paragraph to
explain it will be difficult to promote and market.

Cyborgs are the main characters. So, that is hard. I have a scene where the cyborgs are doing things like humans because they have become so intelligent and self aware. They cover the "weaknesses" of one cyborg from humans because they fear the humans will want that cyborg dismantled for not being a hardened killer. And, yet that "weak" cyborg is a brilliant scientist who invented the citcuitry that allows cyborgs to smell and taste at a greater range than humans. The cyborgs see value in that and cover up her "weakness" from the humans.

However,

In order to save two enemy nations, cyborg leaders from their world work together with their goddess to force a truce between their Amazon soldiers to fight a common enemy on a far off planet.

May be toned down to:

In order to save the lives of two enemies, military leaders work together with their goddess to force a truce to fight a common enemy.

How's that?

 

[Utopia]

MDMP, that new toned-down log-line you wrote doesn't sound like a Sci-Fi anymore.

 

[Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC]

This isn't true. I'm an atheist, but regardless, there's no fact in your statement depicting that any number of people are turning towards Science over Religion for explanation of any detail of their existence. It's simply not true.

It depneds on the individual.

I know of a math professor who believes he has math theroms to prove that there is no god.

Back to the story . . .

Humans have limited senses. Cyborgs are better engineered. They see more, hear more, smell more, and taste more. In this story, the last two senses were developed over the last 20 years as it picks up 20 years later than the first. So, cyborgs can more positively ID something than a human.

Humans believe the "human" before them is just a woman who looks like Artemis and must be on drugs to believe that she is the goddess. An Amazon Colonel even asks Artemis what was she smoking to believe that she is the Artemis of myth? Artemis just laughs. She doesn't even try to change the Amazon's mind. She wants humans to be self reliant, where they don't have to depend on her.

The cyborgs can more positively ID Artemis as the Artemis in ancient paintings, sculptures, and stories. The cyborgs and their ship Andromeda that has AI, see even deeper that Artemis is like a living intelligent white hole of unlimited radiant energy in her true form who only chooses to look human.

Google:

Artemis was a big diety in the ancient world. And on googling Artemis, I discovered some web sites call her the goddess of 10,000 names from the ancient world.

Back to the story . . .

I have her connected to multiple worlds as their goddess. How can she be on so many worlds?

She travels from one world to another and spends time there before moving on to another. Once in a while, she goes back to one she started life on to see how it has progressed.

That's how, in this series of stories, she was on Earth and Delta Four.

Science and Astronomy . . .

I don't know if you follow science and astronomy, but in the last few years Class M planets like Earth have been discovered in neighboring solar systems. That means life beyond our solar system.

Dr. Kaku's string theory is very interesting for people interested in time travel and parellel universes.

 

[Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC]

MDMP, that new toned-down log-line you wrote doesn't sound like a Sci-Fi anymore.

That's what Directorik asked for. You're right. He asked for something more "human."

 

[Papertwinproductions]

It depneds on the individual.

I know of a math professor who believes he has math theroms to prove that there is no god.

I assumed your quote was regarding a numerous sum of people, a swift change, if not, then of course. But there are no more believers commerced in science as apposed to religion than there is an uprise in Jediists.

However. Back to your story

 

[sonnyboo]

Can you sci-fi story be told in human terms?

Cyborgs are the main characters. So, that is hard.

That would be a problem for the audience to connect to characters and care about what they go through. For the story to go into a dark place, it won't mean anything if no one can relate to the characters going there.

 

[Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC]

That would be a problem for the audience to connect to characters and care about what they go through. For the story to go into a dark place, it won't mean anything if no one can relate to the characters going there.

Correct again.

As I mentioned too, viewers will see cyborgs are doing human things humans with compassion can relate to. The humans of Delta Four are Amazons with the warrior mentality like in the movie 300.

This will help viewers to relate to machines who are becoming human and self aware because they are evolving.

Viewers will be able to relate to Artemis too. She has the wisdom of the ages from around all the worlds she brought to life. She understands humans better than they know themselves. She will marvel at the cyborgs as being an example of the best of what humans can achieve. She wants the cyborgs to be powerful friends to humanity. However, humans still view cyborgs as property and dumb machines. The cyborgs only want equal rights to live among the humans. It will be humans and humans turned into cyborgs from war injuries that will press the cyborgs into war. When the humans want Angela and Gail dismantled for forcing the treaty, cyborgs will rally around Angela and Gail. The queen of the Amazon nation where Angela and Gail live also owes them a big favor for giving her an Heiress. So, she will protect them, which will create tension in her military.

Artemis will look to Angela and Gail to lead the cyborgs to look for peace. The only way a cyborg can be dismantled by humans is if the cyborg lets them. The cyborgs, if they decide to turn on humans, can easily slaughter them. Like Frankenstein, they were made more powerful than their makers.

So, cyborgs and Artemis have a lot of "human" things going on too.

That, and the fact that Artemis, Angela, Gail, and Roberta all have ties to Earth and Delta Four. The Earth connection will make them more friendly to viewers.

 

[Dreadylocks]

In order to save the lives of two enemies, military leaders work together with their goddess to force a truce to fight a common enemy.

How's that?

I don't think you need to have the 'with their goddess' part in there at all. That can be a nice surprise when someone reads or watches it.

 

[Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC]

I don't think you need to have the 'with their goddess' part in there at all. That can be a nice surprise when someone reads or watches it.

Okay!

In order to save the lives of two enemies, military leaders work together to force a truce to fight a common enemy.

 

[Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC]

The most fascinating character I found of Season 1 of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles was the none human star character, Cameron, played by Summer Glau. Cameron is a cyborg programmed to blend in with humans as well as protect the Connors at all costs.

Cameron going to high school with John was amazing. She tried to make friends with some of the girls. But, having no childhood or much experience around humans made her understanding of friendship comical at times. She also had a great capacity to learn very quickly.

When the Connors went to get their new identities from a bootlegger, Cameron had to wait outside because the dogs sensed she was nonhuman. She stayed with a young lady who she observed and learned attitude from. That was hysterical. And, one time when John Conner was missing and Sarah was flipping out, Sarah was shocked to find out Cameron understood what loss means to a human.

Those Kodak moments made Season 1 great. It's a shame that didn't continue in Season 2.

I bring this up because a nonhuman character can sometimes be the most interesting character of all.

 

[maralyn]

well, of course, that's their thematic power, they have the ability to teach us how to be human.

 

[maralyn]

Although I find the "goddess" aspect a bit offputting. I shy away from religious stories. Can that character be replaced by an alien?

 

[wheatgrinder]

the goddess\cyborg mix IS interesting and a good hook from my view.

consider the old sci-fi premise, "A sufficiently advanced technology will appear godlike to the less advanced society."


consider a novel "Ilium -Dan Simmons" as a great read for the type of thing OP is going for...

 

[Dreadylocks]

Okay!

In order to save the lives of two enemies, military leaders work together to force a truce to fight a common enemy.

It's totally getting there! I bolded all the 'to' sounds because when I read it out loud, it felt like sentence out of dr sues (no offense intended ). I think you could cut the force a truce part. You don't need to say how things happen in the logline, that's what the movie's for If you take that out, it leaves it pretty vague, so you could add back in one of your discriptors like cyborg or amazon.

Although I find the "goddess" aspect a bit offputting. I shy away from religious stories. Can that character be replaced by an alien?

It worked in Deep Space Nine.






PS: I just had a silly idea. If you want to go the B movie angle:

Enemies, Amazons and Gods unite to fight a new enemy!

 

[Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC]

Although I find the "goddess" aspect a bit offputting. I shy away from religious stories. Can that character be replaced by an alien?

Greek Mythology has a strong fan base and is required reading in many schools. Adding it to science fiction just gives things a new and refreshing twist.

Are you a fan of Battlestar Galactica? The humans worshiped the Greek gods and the Cylons worshiped the one god.

Also, Greek Mythology is public domain material where no one owns the copyrights to it. It's smart marketing to add a name people know to an unknown production that will live up to what people will expect to see.