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My First Draft Of A Logline For My New Script

Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC

Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC

This logline still needs work. It's too long, but here we go:

I, Creator 2: Goddess of the Hunt​


Logline:​



In order to save the Amazon soldiers of two enemy nations on a far off planet from a common enemy, Black Ops Special Forces Cyborg leaders Angela Bruno and Gail Storm force a truce between them with the blessings of their goddess, Artemis, which will set the wheels into motion for a war between humans and cyborgs.
 
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I revised it.

I think it's getting better.

Here was the original:

I, Creator 2: Goddess of the Hunt


Logline:​


In order to save the human lives of Amazon soldiers from two nations that are bitter enemies from the planet, Delta Four who are targets of a common enemy, Black Ops Special Forces Cyborg leaders Angela Bruno and Gail Storm force the commanding officers of the two nations to forge a truce with the blessings of Artemis, Goddess of the Amazons for their own survival, which will set the wheels into motion for an upcoming war between humans and cyborgs.
 
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Just my observations.

too many conflicts.. pick one
too many characters named, normally names are needed.

try a riff on this..

When celestial powers unite enemies in the face of even greater danger, now comes the battle that will determine the fate of both gods and men.
 
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Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC said:
In order to save the Amazon soldiers of two enemy nations on a far off planet from a common enemy, Black Ops Special Forces Cyborg leaders Angela Bruno and Gail Storm force a truce between them with the blessings of their goddess, Artemis, which will set the wheels into motion for a war between humans and cyborgs.
Click to expand...

A common enemy threatens the Amazonian civilizations of two planets. Only the cyborg leaders, Angela and Gail can, with the blessings of their god Artemis, force the truce that starts the human-cyborg war.

I think it's still a little long, but that's the best I can do :)

Sounds like an interesting plot, though :)
 
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Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC said:
I like wheatgrinder's idea two. But the big battle will be in another production after this one. This story only leads up to the events that triggers the war. It is a prequel to a sequel.

That's why I down played the bigger battle.
Click to expand...

If the bigger battle is in another movie, it doesn't belong in this logline, not even hinted at. What is the conflict that must be resolved, in this movie? And, what are the consequences if our hero doesn't get it done?
 
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"In order to save two enemy nations on a far off planet from a common enemy, cyborg leaders Angela Bruno and Gail Storm force a truce between them, which will lead to a war between humans and cyborgs."


hum.. seems your wanting to cast this Log line in a LARGER epic story thats not actually PART of this episode. That s confusing.. just focus on THIS episodes conflict... the bigger arc, getting ready for the WAR between humans and cyborgs is not really important to this episode..

On planet Delta Four two cyborg leaders and the goddess of the hunt struggle to force a truce between waring nations in prelude to the coming war.
 
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I still don't understand the story. Are these women Amazonian, if so, why are they in space. Nothing with regards to anyone's motivation is alluded to. Who are the main characters in this?

And I still don't know what genre this is.

Action? Sci-fi? Action/sci-fi?

i.e.

Warring intergalactic forces have to unite against two Amazonian women hellbent on destroying the universe for kicks.

(now that would be scary)

Horror?

Sci-fi/horror?

Comedy?
 
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This is probably still too long, but I gave it a shot:

Under the guidance of their Goddess, Delta Four's best Special Ops Cyborg leaders, Angela and Gail, must join forces and forge an alliance between two warring nations before all of humanity is lost
 
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To answer both Cracker Funk and Wheatgrinder, here is the conflict in this one installment:

In order to save two enemy nations, cyborg leaders Angela Bruno and Gail Storm force a truce between their Amazon soldiers to fight against a common enemy on a far off planet who kidnapped them to hunt for sport.
 
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Thats dang close..

I still think the names and ranks are superfluous, and without context(its a planet) Delta Four doesn't mean anything.. what is it? The fact that is NOT earth has no real impact on the story..


Under the guidance of their Goddess, Delta Four's best Special Ops Cyborg leaders, Angela and Gail, must join forces and forge an alliance between two warring nations before all of humanity is lost


with minor changes..

With the help of a Goddess, two Cyborg leaders forge an alliance between warring nations...

I dont know if its really BEFORE humanity is lost??.. Im not sure thats part of this conflict..
 
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