I am in the beginning phase of my second project. I am working on the plot for my next film and am trying to find something that will be able to hold together well. Here is what I have so far, please, any ideas or criticism would be very helpful.
The film would begin with a cu on a piece of paper being written on, with a voice over of what is being written. It details the experience a man just went through. He and two others had planned a robbery on a home. The writes about how he had planned it all out. Nobody was supposed to be home, but a family was. The other two men with him killed the family, and before he could stop them, they fled the scene. The police showed up and arrested him for the murders he did not commit. After that the man was no longer the same. He blamed himself for the murder. (During the film, the man and his writing is in present tense, with a few flashbacks to show what he is writing, after all, films are visual.) The man goes to jail for a year while awaiting his court date. At his court date he is found guilty and sentenced to life in prison. During transfer to a different prison, he manages to escape. He makes it his goal to find the two men that set him up and to make them pay for what they had done. He continues writing of what he planned to do, with a flashback for both men that he ends up killing. After the flashback of him killing the second man, we come back to present tense of him finishing his note. The last line of the note reads "My actions will not bring that family back, but they will help me forgive myself for what I had done to them. There is only one last piece to the puzzle, and whoever is reading this, you are looking at it." He takes the note of all he had just written and places it on the fridge next to him. Then he takes the gun to himself, the screen would go black, then a gunshot is heard. End Credits.
Any other suggestions, perhaps an alternate last line to the note? Any suggestions at all would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read and answer this.
The film would begin with a cu on a piece of paper being written on, with a voice over of what is being written. It details the experience a man just went through. He and two others had planned a robbery on a home. The writes about how he had planned it all out. Nobody was supposed to be home, but a family was. The other two men with him killed the family, and before he could stop them, they fled the scene. The police showed up and arrested him for the murders he did not commit. After that the man was no longer the same. He blamed himself for the murder. (During the film, the man and his writing is in present tense, with a few flashbacks to show what he is writing, after all, films are visual.) The man goes to jail for a year while awaiting his court date. At his court date he is found guilty and sentenced to life in prison. During transfer to a different prison, he manages to escape. He makes it his goal to find the two men that set him up and to make them pay for what they had done. He continues writing of what he planned to do, with a flashback for both men that he ends up killing. After the flashback of him killing the second man, we come back to present tense of him finishing his note. The last line of the note reads "My actions will not bring that family back, but they will help me forgive myself for what I had done to them. There is only one last piece to the puzzle, and whoever is reading this, you are looking at it." He takes the note of all he had just written and places it on the fridge next to him. Then he takes the gun to himself, the screen would go black, then a gunshot is heard. End Credits.
Any other suggestions, perhaps an alternate last line to the note? Any suggestions at all would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read and answer this.