• Wondering which camera, gear, computer, or software to buy? Ask in our Gear Guide.

I Will Not Read Your Effing Script

Adeimantus

Adeimantus

From a blog by "A History of Violence" screenwriter, Josh Olsen Josh Olsen's Blog:

I will not read your fucking script.

That's simple enough, isn't it? "I will not read your fucking script." What's not clear about that? There's nothing personal about it, nothing loaded, nothing complicated. I simply have no interest in reading your fucking screenplay. None whatsoever.

If that seems unfair, I'll make you a deal. In return for you not asking me to read your fucking script, I will not ask you to wash my fucking car, or take my fucking picture, or represent me in fucking court, or take out my fucking gall bladder, or whatever the fuck it is that you do for a living.

You're a lovely person. Whatever time we've spent together has, I'm sure, been pleasurable for both of us. I quite enjoyed that conversation we once had about structure and theme, and why Sergio Leone is the greatest director who ever lived. Yes, we bonded, and yes, I wish you luck in all your endeavors, and it would thrill me no end to hear that you had sold your screenplay, and that it had been made into the best movie since Godfather Part II.

But I will not read your fucking script.

At this point, you should walk away, firm in your conviction that I'm a dick. But if you're interested in growing as a human being and recognizing that it is, in fact, you who are the dick in this situation, please read on.

Yes. That's right. I called you a dick. Because you created this situation. You put me in this spot where my only option is to acquiesce to your demands or be the bad guy. That, my friend, is the very definition of a dick move.

I was recently cornered by a young man of my barest acquaintance.

I doubt we've exchanged a hundred words. But he's dating someone I know, and he cornered me in the right place at the right time, and asked me to read a two-page synopsis for a script he'd been working on for the last year. He was submitting the synopsis to some contest or program, and wanted to get a professional opinion.

Now, I normally have a standard response to people who ask me to read their scripts, and it's the simple truth: I have two piles next to my bed. One is scripts from good friends, and the other is manuscripts and books and scripts my agents have sent to me that I have to read for work. Every time I pick up a friend's script, I feel guilty that I'm ignoring work. Every time I pick something up from the other pile, I feel guilty that I'm ignoring my friends. If I read yours before any of that, I'd be an awful person.

Most people get that. But sometimes you find yourself in a situation where the guilt factor is really high, or someone plays on a relationship or a perceived obligation, and it's hard to escape without seeming rude. Then, I tell them I'll read it, but if I can put it down after ten pages, I will. They always go for that, because nobody ever believes you can put their script down once you start.

But hell, this was a two page synopsis, and there was no time to go into either song or dance, and it was just easier to take it. How long can two pages take?

Weeks, is the answer.

And this is why I will not read your fucking script.

[CONTINUED ON BLOG]
 
Sort by date Sort by votes
Interesting blog. I completely understand where he's coming from. But, what I don't understand is, if he's so busy reading HIS FRIENDS scripts and AGENT scripts, why not just say (to this person he just met) I don't have time.

Hell, if the guy had it on him, it would have taken a minute to see that it sucked and told him so.

I had a woman who I worked with tell me she was starting a script and asked if I'd read it. I said sure, but I'm brutally honest. And boy was I. There was nothing there. For every one of my comments she had a defense, but I had a more informed answer. I finally gave her a book on screenwriting.

While it does take time to read a crappy screenplay, I do liken this to music and musicianship. I've had countless people give me demos to listen to. I listen and give my opinion. But, with music it's purely preference and opinion. Someone can purposely be singing off-key. I've had numerous people use bad takes with timing mistakes which I always point out. They're shocked they didn't notice it. But, it's difficult when you're so closely involved.

I never understood why a really good musician keeps musical information to themselves. I've had numerous conversations with excellent musicians and I'd ask a question about theory, tone, or recording and they just refused to answer. They give you a look like you're asking for the secret of their success. This has happened numerous times, even with members of my own band. It's not like we weren't talking about music in the first place.

While I might not be a genius on anything. I have gained some knowledge of both music and screenwriting, and I have no problems sharing them with anyone.

But, I won't read your fucking script. Actually I will, but only up till I get bored from all the exposition (2 -3 pages)
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
I think reading bad scripts is akin to watching bad movies. Sometimes it helps to solidify in your mind what NOT to do. So I do it when I have the time.

Now when I change careers and barely have enough time to get my own shit done, then I won't read your fucking script. :lol:

And I get that.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
Well I can say reading bad scripts might be helpful. I also feel it also depends on the genre. I dont like sci-fic , horror genres , I will say it is a bad script but it might be nice .
padma
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
But sometimes you find yourself in a situation where the guilt factor is really high, or someone plays on a relationship or a perceived obligation, and it's hard to escape without seeming rude.
Click to expand...

Guilt-trippers are a nasty breed, I once knew this Polish guy who could lay an Olympic sized guilt trip on anyone. Used to walk round trying to live for free, well into middle age. It'd make a good short.

I think reading bad scripts is akin to watching bad movies. Sometimes it helps to solidify in your mind what NOT to do. So I do it when I have the time.
Click to expand...

I've learnt a lot from watching good movies, I've learnt even more from watching bad ones. Every mistake from another guy is one I don't have to make.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
wheatgrinder said:
Hey dude, watch the fbombs on the title of the post... some of us are sensitive..
Click to expand...

meh...wheatgrinder, you gotta realize when you're in Rome...

Obviously, I can't speak for everyone, but I think the use of language in this article is very fitting for the way that the vast majority of us filmmakers think and speak. We don't all have to talk like that, but those of you who prefer rated-PG should realize that you're in the gosh-darned poopy-flavored-popsicle of a minority. Cheese and rice!
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
wheatgrinder said:
Hey dude, watch the fbombs on the title of the post... some of us are sensitive..
Click to expand...

I didn't think about it at first, then someone pointed it out in a PM and I tried to fix it. Unfortunately, the "edit" option only works with the message text, not the title.

I won't be offended if a mod happens to change it to "I Will Not Read Your F*&king Script" or some such.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
I think synopsis-guy was being a complete 'bidet'(there you go, wheat :P) for going around telling their mutual friends that the writer pulled a 'richard' move on him.

But this is so true:

To make matters worse, this guy (and his girlfriend) had begged me to be honest with him. He was frustrated by the responses he'd gotten from friends, because he felt they were going easy on him, and he wanted real criticism. They never do, of course. What they want is a few tough notes to give the illusion of honesty, and then some pats on the head. What they want--always--is encouragement, even when they shouldn't get any.
Click to expand...

I don't think I would have the gall to tell someone to find another profession, and I'd certainly not discourage anyone from doing something as a hobby. But I don't think he's wrong for saying so.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
Its just the post titles, that bug me. As poster, you own the title, it stands out. A new post shows on the front page, in big bold letters. Inside the post, I think its game, particularly in this context as it was a quote.. thanks to TPTB for the slight tweak..
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
As to the content of the OP article...

Its a symptom of this age of narcissism in which we are in. On both sides.

A person writes a script and feels that because "I wrote it," it must be important, or worthy of having someone read it.

The author of the article has the same attitude, why should "I" read your script, your not worthy of "My" consideration.

And as for not wanting to come off rude..

and it's hard to escape without seeming rude.
Click to expand...

Someone will have to explain to how " I WONT READ YOUR #*&^% SCRIPT" is less rude than something like. "Sorry, I cant read your script"

The author, a presumed master of his craft, is reacting like a teenage girl whose little brother is messing up her slumber party. Grow up, respond like and adult.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
Adeimantus said:
From a blog by "A History of Violence" screenwriter, Josh Olsen Josh Olsen's Blog:Now, I normally have a standard response to people who ask me to read their scripts, and it's the simple truth: I have two piles next to my bed. One is scripts from good friends, and the other is manuscripts and books and scripts my agents have sent to me that I have to read for work. Every time I pick up a friend's script, I feel guilty that I'm ignoring work. Every time I pick something up from the other pile, I feel guilty that I'm ignoring my friends. If I read yours before any of that, I'd be an awful person.

Most people get that.
Click to expand...

I don't think this author is being narcissistic at all. We're not talking about folks like most of us on this board. We've got enough time on our hands to hang out and chat in an online forum. We've got time to toss around our screenplays to total strangers and read others'. This guy's not like us. He clearly, simply, does not have that kind of time on his hands.

Asking this guy to read your script is no different than asking a lawyer you know to represent you in court, free of charge. No different than asking that professional masseuse you know to give you a free one-hour massage. Etc. The person who is asking for this favor is clearly being rude and inconsiderate, and yeah, it's a bit of a dick-move.

The author is fed up with so many people being rude and inconsiderate to him, and he's venting with a blog, using strong language to get the point across. Nowhere in this blog do I see any indication that he ever uses such strong language to someone's face.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
I think when you are in the desert you get sand, and when you are in the mountains you get snow, there are just things that go with given territories and this is one of them.

Unless he was born into the craft or somehow started at the top, he’s well aware of how rare it is to know or encounter someone on the inside of the big industry film machine.

If he can come up with 120 pages of words that someone will give him hundreds of thousand of dollars for, then surely he can cough up a sentence or two to explain how he simply and truthfully just can’t accept or read or analyze anymore scripts for time, legal liability, and professional focus.

If it’s socially awkward, fine. If it’s personally an imposition so be it, but if at any time it’s just too much of a cross to bare, then he can always get out of the business.

When you weigh his enviable at worst predicament against the poverty, illness, famine and war in this short lifetime, his outrage is self absorbed to the point of absurdity.

It’s like having everything you want, then bitching about being out of things to need.


-Thanks-
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
My apologies again to anyone I might have offended by posting the "f" word in the title of my post. I shall be more careful in the future.

And I also apologize for it being a re-run.

I'm reading back-issues of stuff, but didn't make it to "last fall" yet.

-Charles
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
Cracker, that funny, you made my exact point, but came to the OPPOSITE conclusion..

In this bit here everything is revealed..

The author is fed up with so many people being rude and inconsiderate to him, and he's venting with a blog, using strong language to get the point across. Nowhere in this blog do I see any indication that he ever uses such strong language to someone's face
Click to expand...


The notion that the author believes that someone seeking his advice is being "rude" and "inconsiderate" illustrates that he clearly believes "he" knows he is more "important" than anyone else. Just because it is TRUE does not mean its not narcissistic.

A true professional would accept that for the compliment that it is, and graciously demure.

A petulant child gets fed up, feels that he has a RIGHT to rant in his blog, which by definition said blog is all about "me me me me" here is what "I" think, and here is what "I" feel.. that's narcissistic to the core! The idea that your thoughts and feelings are important to anyone else, simply because you had them!

FYI, I total agree with his point, but I KNOW that the world does indeed revolve around me, so its ok.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
wheatgrinder said:
The notion that the author believes that someone seeking his advice is being "rude" and "inconsiderate" illustrates that he clearly believes "he" knows he is more "important" than anyone else. Just because it is TRUE does not mean its not narcissistic.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I don't see it that way at all. If your lawyer friend politely tells you that he cannot represent you in court, free of charge, does that mean your lawyer friend thinks they are more important than you? No, he's just being pragmatic.

Look, if you came to me and asked me to bartend, free of charge, at a giant party you're hosting next month, I'd have to say no. I do that to pay the bills. I'm not going to take a Saturday night off, a night I would normally be making money, to go work at a party where I won't make money, for someone I barely know. And, yeah, it was kind of rude for you to ask me to do that. That doesn't mean I think I'm more important than you. It means I think making my rent payment on time is more important than doing a favor for someone I barely know.

Will I consider bartending at a party being thrown by a very close friend? Absolutely. But that friend better be close.

That's all this author is saying. He has lots to read. He reads stuff for work. He reads stuff for close friends. How could you be so selfish to think that he would put you ahead of his work or close friends? That's not narcissistic. That's being a good friend and a good employee.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
Me (talking on phone):

Yeah, man, they're both totally cool. Met them through mutual friends. Yes, I'm talking about THE Spielberg and THE Tom Cruise.

No, don't believe all that hype about Cruise being crazy. He's totally down to Earth. Yeah, we talked for hours about our favorite 80's action movies.

There was one thing that kind of took me back, though. I have this screenplay for a short film. Really simple shoot, one location, barely any lines to rehearse. Doesn't call for any complicated lighting. We could totally shoot the whole thing in a few hours.

Yeah, so I asked Spielberg if he would direct it, and asked Cruise if he would star in it. And wouldn't you believe it? They both politely declined! Said they were "busy".

Man, what a couple of narcissists! ;)
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top