I Will Not Read Your Effing Script

[Adeimantus]

From a blog by "A History of Violence" screenwriter, Josh Olsen Josh Olsen's Blog:

I will not read your fucking script.

That's simple enough, isn't it? "I will not read your fucking script." What's not clear about that? There's nothing personal about it, nothing loaded, nothing complicated. I simply have no interest in reading your fucking screenplay. None whatsoever.

If that seems unfair, I'll make you a deal. In return for you not asking me to read your fucking script, I will not ask you to wash my fucking car, or take my fucking picture, or represent me in fucking court, or take out my fucking gall bladder, or whatever the fuck it is that you do for a living.

You're a lovely person. Whatever time we've spent together has, I'm sure, been pleasurable for both of us. I quite enjoyed that conversation we once had about structure and theme, and why Sergio Leone is the greatest director who ever lived. Yes, we bonded, and yes, I wish you luck in all your endeavors, and it would thrill me no end to hear that you had sold your screenplay, and that it had been made into the best movie since Godfather Part II.

But I will not read your fucking script.

At this point, you should walk away, firm in your conviction that I'm a dick. But if you're interested in growing as a human being and recognizing that it is, in fact, you who are the dick in this situation, please read on.

Yes. That's right. I called you a dick. Because you created this situation. You put me in this spot where my only option is to acquiesce to your demands or be the bad guy. That, my friend, is the very definition of a dick move.

I was recently cornered by a young man of my barest acquaintance.

I doubt we've exchanged a hundred words. But he's dating someone I know, and he cornered me in the right place at the right time, and asked me to read a two-page synopsis for a script he'd been working on for the last year. He was submitting the synopsis to some contest or program, and wanted to get a professional opinion.

Now, I normally have a standard response to people who ask me to read their scripts, and it's the simple truth: I have two piles next to my bed. One is scripts from good friends, and the other is manuscripts and books and scripts my agents have sent to me that I have to read for work. Every time I pick up a friend's script, I feel guilty that I'm ignoring work. Every time I pick something up from the other pile, I feel guilty that I'm ignoring my friends. If I read yours before any of that, I'd be an awful person.

Most people get that. But sometimes you find yourself in a situation where the guilt factor is really high, or someone plays on a relationship or a perceived obligation, and it's hard to escape without seeming rude. Then, I tell them I'll read it, but if I can put it down after ten pages, I will. They always go for that, because nobody ever believes you can put their script down once you start.

But hell, this was a two page synopsis, and there was no time to go into either song or dance, and it was just easier to take it. How long can two pages take?

Weeks, is the answer.

And this is why I will not read your fucking script.

[CONTINUED ON BLOG]

 

[wheatgrinder]

and you'd be right, they HAVE to be to be who they are..

 

[VPTurner]

The author's job is to generate an emotional response in his readers. And that's exactly what he accomplished whether we agree with the message and the presentation or not.

I am in a similar situation all the time. I've been in the computer industry over twenty years. And who do you suppose is the resident "go to" person in the family? Yep, you guessed it. Me. There are times where I feel the same way, except it's "I will not fix your effing computer!" But do I express it that way? No. I more often than not take the high road. And I do help out more than most when I have the time.

Self serving, narcissistic, rude, inconsiderate? Perhaps. But who are we to judge? Change the channel if you don't like what's on TV. Although I do agree the "in your face" thread title needed to change since this site is multicultural and religiously diverse. On the other hand, my opinion is there is too much "walking on eggshells" these days that it's about time to put on the waffle stompers and make some noise! And for that I applaud him.

 

[spinner]

First of all, I figure we are all adults here, I'm not going to turn green if I hear a 4-letter word. "Heck", I've hung around people who use 10-letter profanities so I'm not worried about that sort of thing.

Now, about the original post: I'll read the rest of the blog later....

Maybe the author could come from a different angle. How about: MY LAWYERS won't let me read your script. (and let me annex that by adding: and that is also why I returned it to you without opening it)

I am reminded of The Matrix, where at one time there was a lawsuit about who had actually come up with the story. At one point, the "complaintant" had his whole synopsis on Wikipedia. So, I went ahead and read it. There were pockets of familiarity-that's all. The idea of people being in a computer, if you die in the computer you die in reality, plus a couple of other things. But there was no way those stories were similar in any other way, in my opinion. Yet here's this guy who was suing.

The professional script writer didn't have to be a jerk about it, but maybe he could have remembered what it was like to be a new writer and given the guy some suggestions -- like have your friends read it. They are the ones who will be sitting there in the dark with their popcorn. If they don't get it, something might be wrong. Or what about your filmmaker/screenwriter friends? You could have them critique your stuff and you could do thiers.

There's a better way of doing things, we don't HAVE to be mean-spirited about things. Try to remember what it was like when YOU were a NOBODY.

-- spinner

 

[Cracker Funk]

On a barely even slightly related sidenote, I actually went off on a similar rant, once, about the frustrations of my job.

Disclaimer: F-bombs

http://www.dirtylikeyourmom.com/

 

[Papertwinproductions]

I'm with @Buddy on this one.

This guy needs slapping with a wet fish, we all know we can draw the conclusion of a screenplay from the first 10 pages, if this guy's saying he hasn't got 10 pages of time worth to spare for somebody who has plucked up the courage to ask, he needs to quit sucking lemons and start appreciating that there is tougher times outside his oh so strenuous work life.

 

[ussinners]

I am in a similar situation all the time. I've been in the computer industry over twenty years. And who do you suppose is the resident "go to" person in the family? Yep, you guessed it. Me. There are times where I feel the same way, except it's "I will not fix your effing computer!" But do I express it that way? No. I more often than not take the high road. And I do help out more than most when I have the time.

I just have to ask, WHY do you sometimes feel like you shouldn't fix your family or friends computer? I'm guessing you went to school for computers. Gained knowledge to fix these things. But they didn't. Maybe they're slackers who sit around all day and do nothing. If that were the case I'd be more offended if they asked for money then help with their computer.

If they ignore you at all other times, and only speak to you for computer help. I can understand your position.

If you're in the middle of doing something else and don't have the time. I can understand your position.

If you've only done for them, and they've never done anything for you. I can understand your position.

If any of these are the case, I wouldn't call them family or friends.

But what are some other reasons why you find this to be an inconvenience?

 

[Cracker Funk]

I just have to ask, WHY do you sometimes feel like you shouldn't fix your family or friends computer? I'm guessing you went to school for computers. Gained knowledge to fix these things. But they didn't. Maybe they're slackers who sit around all day and do nothing. If that were the case I'd be more offended if they asked for money then help with their computer.

If they ignore you at all other times, and only speak to you for computer help. I can understand your position.

If you're in the middle of doing something else and don't have the time. I can understand your position.

If you've only done for them, and they've never done anything for you. I can understand your position.

If any of these are the case, I wouldn't call them family or friends.

But what are some other reasons why you find this to be an inconvenience?

Maybe we've strayed a litte too far into the personal here. I can certainly understand VPTurner's frustrations. Feeling needed is one thing, but depending on the situation, it can sometimes feel like you're just being used.

Serenity Now!

 

[VPTurner]

I just have to ask, WHY do you sometimes feel like you shouldn't fix your family or friends computer? I'm guessing you went to school for computers. Gained knowledge to fix these things. But they didn't. Maybe they're slackers who sit around all day and do nothing. If that were the case I'd be more offended if they asked for money then help with their computer.

If they ignore you at all other times, and only speak to you for computer help. I can understand your position.

If you're in the middle of doing something else and don't have the time. I can understand your position.

If you've only done for them, and they've never done anything for you. I can understand your position.

If any of these are the case, I wouldn't call them family or friends.

But what are some other reasons why you find this to be an inconvenience?

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

 

[Cracker Funk]

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Oh, snap!

 

[ussinners]

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Sorry, I'm not getting on you. And what's below is not aimed at you. It's something I've noticed.

A trait I've noticed over the past 20 - 30 years is "Don't ask me, I get paid to do this." or "I went to school for this. Why should I give you the information for free?" When in reality, the helpful answer could be just as short.

I'm sure that the same people who don't want to be helpful to others, are the same ones who asked numerous favors and questions themselves over the years.

Everything in life is give and take.

When I can help someone (and I mean pretty much anyone) I 99.99% of the time, do. I just have no problems with it. If I have information that someone needs, I'll gladly give it. The only thing I won't do, and I usually tell the person is, if your screenplay sucks I'm not reading the whole thing.

 

[sikandtwisted films]

I can understand the guy's frustration .I have been there , I usually ,read the first few pages. If I don't like it ,I give them a compliment and explain to them ,that we just don't have the time or resources for it at this time. This generally works with having to be too discouraging .

 

[VPTurner]

Sorry, I'm not getting on you. And what's below is not aimed at you. It's something I've noticed.

A trait I've noticed over the past 20 - 30 years is "Don't ask me, I get paid to do this." or "I went to school for this. Why should I give you the information for free?" When in reality, the helpful answer could be just as short.

I'm sure that the same people who don't want to be helpful to others, are the same ones who asked numerous favors and questions themselves over the years.

Everything in life is give and take.

When I can help someone (and I mean pretty much anyone) I 99.99% of the time, do. I just have no problems with it. If I have information that someone needs, I'll gladly give it. The only thing I won't do, and I usually tell the person is, if your screenplay sucks I'm not reading the whole thing.

Okay, great! I am having a hell of a time getting my lawn and gardening taken care of and it's really expensive to have someone else do it all the time. I'm tied up helping people out with their computer problems (because it's really expensive for them to have someone else do it) and it's eating up a lot of my spare time. Would you mind dropping by and doing it for me? I would greatly appreciate it.

That's sarcasm, of course. All of this is to illustrate a point. I have zero problems helping people WHEN I HAVE THE TIME. And I am pretty sure I qualified that statement to which you responded so judgmentally.

And the blogger was illustrating that same point. You cannot and should not sacrifice your own valuable time and livelihood in order perform that favor for a friend of a friend of a friend. You must prioritize. If you don't, the lawn dies, the milk sours, and before you know it, another year has passed and you still haven't finished the screenplay you started a year and a half ago. Too bad there's no one in my family who writes screenplays for a living.

Side note, you managed to prove the following point:

Most people get that.

Meaning some people don't.



EDIT: And that's why I drop in here and try to help others out who are struggling with their writing. Because one day I hope others will be there for me. But so many people, so little time. I was actually reading yours for awhile there, but ran out of time to provide any meaningful feedback. Is that why you feel the way you do, because I openly help others, but have not yet offered feedback for you?

 

[Midnite]

I always love it when Olsen's blog comes up in a Forum Set aside the F-bombs, (they're used in abundance and, for me, comedic purposes). Set aside whether or not in real life Olsen's a jerk, (I've never met him and couldn't say). Set aside whether or not as a professional he no longer has time to help out a newbie, because he DID take the time to try, look what he got for his efforts.

It comes down to courtesy, and not putting someone on the spot, or into a no-win situation. It's rude. It's just plain rude.

And as to the real life examples, if I did you a favor and tended bar for free, I'd be fine until some drunk started up on me that I didn't know the first thing about making a Long Island Iced Tea.

Or if I fixed your computer and told you that your problems came from downloading too much porn from unsecured sites, and you started ripping me about how I had no right to judge your morals.

If everyone truly wanted brutal honesty about their writing, then people like Mr. Olsen might be a little more willing to lend an occasional hand, because they wouldn't have to worry about that hand being bitten off.

Or maybe it's just me.

Midnite

 

[ussinners]

I have zero problems helping people WHEN I HAVE THE TIME. And I am pretty sure I qualified that statement to which you responded so judgmentally.

1. I was not being judgmental. Again, sorry if you think I was.

2. I did read the statement in your first post "When I have time". But, you started with something like "I feel the same way only 'I won't fix your f***ing computer'.

You're way too far to come and do your lawn. Besides I used to cut the old lady who lived next door's lawn. She'd come home and be shocked that it was cut. She spent most of her time in church.

 

[VPTurner]

1. I was not being judgmental. Again, sorry if you think I was.

2. I did read the statement in your first post "When I have time". But, you started with something like "I feel the same way only 'I won't fix your f***ing computer'.

You're way too far to come and do your lawn. Besides I used to cut the old lady who lived next door's lawn. She'd come home and be shocked that it was cut. She spent most of her time in church.

You are quoting me out of context. The exact quote:

There are times where I feel the same way, except it's "I will not fix your effing computer!"

Did I say all the time? No. That could be two times out of a thousand. And just because I have a "feeling" doesn't mean I act on it. You are jumping to conclusions. I sometimes have a feeling of doing extensive bodily injury to the jerk who cut me off in traffic and shot me the bird. But a rational mind would prevent me from acting on that feeling.

That's an excellent writing exercise. Do a dialogue sequence where someone is helping someone out with the subtext that they really don't have the desire or the time to help this person, yet they're doing it anyway.

And it's admirable that you considered helping me out with the lawn even though it was just to illustrate a point. Always remember, though, that no good deed goes unpunished.