editing (editing) Feedback Requested

sfoster

sfoster

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I'm meeting with a musician this week to produce the soundtrack so I need to get picture lock ASAP.
I've gotten some really insightful comments on indietalk in the past so I think this will be helpful to me if anyone has 24 minutes to spare.

I put the unlisted video on youtube to be watched here until 5/25/20.
EDIT: 3 Minutes have been cut from that video. New version is here for now.

Note: This is not a completed film. The audio is a WIP and there is zero color grading or VFX work completed.
I'd love comments on the editing. I have in mind already what/where the music will be but I welcome input on that as well.

Thanks everyone!
 
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Thanks very much for the critique ! dont feel obligated to do anymore, this was great.
The second half of the film is a lot more exciting, its the first half that i really need to grab the audience and pull them through it as quickly as possible.

appreciate it
 
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indietalk said:
Okay here is batch 1.

"How are you doing?"
"Good"
"You mean I'm Well"

Cut "I'm" here. He did not say I'm, he just said Good, not I'm good. Since it's VO it's easy to cut that word.

You don't need the shot at 1:20 have her exist scene in the shot before this. It's unnecessary.

At 1:44/45 put a sound effect of dog leaving couch (like claws running off leather).

2:24 I would tighten up a hair the pause is too long for what they are discussing, start around 2:25 right at the rolleyes.
Click to expand...
Took ten seconds off with batch 1 .
Fucking hell I thought I’d get 3 or 4 lol
 
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New round :D

11:30 I would cut the pan back to him. You have one to him already, two not needed and you can cut to his line faster.

11:42 shaky exterior shot, maybe you have a netter one.

12:03 weird echo in audio.

12:24 I would cut out the grunt.

13:22 when the car pulls forward I don'r hear engine sound.

14:21 Car backing up is missing engine sound at beginning, it kicks in later.

14:31 The audio does not match in the cutting, maybe not use his POV running it is too boomy.

Will try to finish now.
 
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New 2

16:18 Needs a phone call sound effect he's too clear.

17:20 this pan to the buildings lasts a hair too long cut around 17:21 nor :24.

17:59 shot of the bag another one that could be trimmed.

18:39 the shot holding the coin cuts weird, to not holding it but cash. Unintended jump cut?

21:32 "Can't be that hard" hard looks out of sync.

20:40 Cricket sound after killing, lower? A bit distracting right after the shot.

22:09 I don't know what he mumbles when he is getting on his knee.

GOOD STUFF MAN!!!!!!! Enjoyed it! :clap:
 
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indietalk said:
New 2

16:18 Needs a phone call sound effect he's too clear.

17:20 this pan to the buildings lasts a hair too long cut around 17:21 nor :24.

17:59 shot of the bag another one that could be trimmed.

18:39 the shot holding the coin cuts weird, to not holding it but cash. Unintended jump cut?

21:32 "Can't be that hard" hard looks out of sync.

20:40 Cricket sound after killing, lower? A bit distracting right after the shot.

22:09 I don't know what he mumbles when he is getting on his knee.

GOOD STUFF MAN!!!!!!! Enjoyed it! :clap:
Click to expand...

we didnt have any coin props when we filmed that scene 😄
CU of a coin was done like a month or two later. idk if theres a better spot for it

22:09 he says "Vlad" the name of my dog

Btw I'm adding one more frame to the end

"Vlad was Adopted by Janice and lived happily ever after"

Glad you enjoyed it! Just my luck theres no local film festival opportunities
 
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I was thinking a cool last shot would be DISSOLVE TO: The old man is healed, drinking his morning coffee somewhere outdoors, birds chirping, reading the paper... he smiles, zoom into that headline. But hey that's not shot so. ;)
 
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indietalk said:
I was thinking a cool last shot would be DISSOLVE TO: The old man is healed, drinking his morning coffee somewhere outdoors, birds chirping, reading the paper... he smiles, zoom into that headline. But hey that's not shot so. ;)
Click to expand...

i like that a lot more than just fading into a newspaper! hey i could always ask him. sounds super easy to do on my own
 
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I sent an email to the cast that was the first 5 minutes of the film, so they could all see themselves in a scene and get some context of their character in the story.

the two girls both said 'thanks'

and the old man said "that J cut opening doesn’t work at all. And it is way too long for a J cut. What happened to the opening we shot starting on the gun and then moving down to him with my hand and phone in the foreground. That was really cool. Can’t believe you would substitute that driving for it. I hope you can do something about it. And the point of panning from the gun was because it is always best to open on something inanimate or at least no dialog. This opening doesn’t do that. Never heard of opening with a J cut, nor of having one this long. "

LOL

ya know im not painting the sistine chapel, lets just wrap this edit hahaha glad you could help!
 
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This doesn't really matter either way but it could say Man Disappears From Cruise While On Honeymoon so we don't think he killed both of them. Anyway best of luck! Seems festival-worthy if those ever come back. ;)
 
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indietalk said:
This doesn't really matter either way but it could say Man Disappears From Cruise While On Honeymoon so we don't think he killed both of them. Anyway best of luck! Seems festival-worthy if those ever come back. ;)
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Oh I wanted them both to die bc of his actions.
The script is actually twice as long and continues on from here... he was supposed to die saving her, kinda redeeming himself for what he did to marcus. but as it stands he doesn't get that chance so they both die

Haha almost miller time. Color grading time.
But I've been wanting to grade something in resolve for literally years. so thats an experience im really looking forward to.

I watched a couple videos on it today, recreating different looks from different movies, etc.
 
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I didn't get a good chance to concentrate on story while taking notes so I look forward to it fresh when it's done and I can watch it thru. Once it's online (after fests etc.)
 
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indietalk said:
I didn't get a good chance to concentrate on story while taking notes so I look forward to it fresh when it's done and I can watch it thru. Once it's online (after fests etc.)
Click to expand...

Some movies when the guy breaks bad, he has a random friend that he buys a gun from the back of a van or something.
and he knows how to hotwire a car, etc, its all so fake and unrelatable. I dont know anyone that sells illegal guns. I can't hotwire a car.

The part the im most proud of as a writer is the car key
I want people to be confused about that scene, and then forget about it... then when he steals the car i want the audience to have an AH-HA moment.

IDK if it'll work or not but I'm hoping people have that experience when they watch it straight through

Yeah once there is music!! and its online. i'll be so proud.
I appreciate the sentiment that you would watch it again thats very cool to hear.
 
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Okay it’s Done

one minute and 17 seconds shorter!!

I practically doubled the pace of the rainy finale scene and the old man seems way more threatening now

Fantastic collaboration
Indietalk.com can get a special thanks in the credits if you want ;)
 
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