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Writing a coherent story

A

amld

Dear god I want to f**king kill myself already.
I am on my final year of film school, Trying to create my masterpiece but I keep being told "your images are strong, but you need to write a coherent story". I don't give up. I wrote story after story after story. They all involved a guy that sees a warped version of reality, they all had 3 story arcs, Things make perfect sense in my mind but when I see it to my teachers they are scratching their heads.

I've been told today that maybe I should choose some tale, joke or song that I like and give it my own spin. I might do that but I can't shake this feeling of wanting to tell my own story. For the last month and a half I've been writing and drawing storyboard everyday, all day long. Something should have paid off didn't it?

And whats making me the most crazy is that they expected me to succeed, they believed in me and I feel like i've failed them and myself, while doing my very best.

Can anyone help me make a coherent story in this last attempt before I'll be made to make something that I didn't come up with?

Thank you.
 
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I know they are supposed to be the same film... but in 5 minutes, you'll be hard pressed to fit both of those into the same short. The first doesn't really have a compelling obstacle for the main character to overcome as a stand alone piece... but the second has a nice built in obstacle... in fact the main character is relagated to "he"... the reality is, the characters are a bit interchangeable... what makes them real is how they react to the obstacles they are presented.

Abstract concepts are most difficult to realize, it takes time and 5 minutes is a much shorter time that you would think until you've tried to fit too much of a story into it. Feel free to try, it's compelling, but personally, if presented the task in front of you, I'd simplify a bit to get the assignment done and done the way your GPA will smile upon.

It'll also help you get it in camera faster as well... and as a student film, time will never be on your side. You whole cast will leave right before the first shot because there's a Hockey game (personal experience), they will fail to show up, they'll show up late, locations will be taken from you, crew will flake out... the maturity and respect tends to move from the top down, but takes time to foster, so even if you have that going for you, your cast and crew won't yet. Film school is where the non-serious people get weeded out... in a manner that doesn't lose the film industry any money.

simpler is better at this point, it'll help you learn how to realize the vision in your head, it'll help you going forward to pre-cut your stuff in your head and learn to communicate your thoughts to the audience... the ultimate judges of how well you're doing.
 
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So, you are making a story bible for a mini series?

Your main characters are on a journey. Something along the way must change them. What changes them from the way they started out? What gets resolved. That's how you end it.

Think in terms of scripts within a main script with a structure:

1. Introduce your characters.
2. Conflict - your characters engage or embrace a challenge, a struggle, or a disaster.
3. Resolution - How do your main characters over come their challenge, struggle, or disaster? Or, does the conflict overwhelm them? Are they now changed from their strugggle, challenge, or disaster?

Use this structure. Think in terms of a war. A war is not won by a single battle. It can be an ongoing struggle until something very big happens for the final episode. Something can be reveal that is lead up to that fans did not know about the rest of the stories. A good surprise can work.
 
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Hey,
I have plenty of tv dvd box sets:)
The story I wanted to tell is about a guy that has these horrible thoughts crawling into his head.
I wish fighting these thoughts could be the movie but i'm told that the hero needs a real life "want", so i made it into a screwed up in the head guy, wants a girl and needs to overcome this to get her. every version I brought they liked but said it needs work to be coherent.

How do i put this story, or one that'll allow me freedom in created these thoughts into a structured 3-5 minute 3d animation short?
 
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with the plot of guy inside his head and he's in an asylum... just put his daughter in the first scene with a doctor, and we'll care about him getting over his hurdles... or really upsetting (also good) if he doesn't make it...

The worst for me is if the audience doesn't care what happens to the characters.
 
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ok how bout this for coherent writing:

a fat kid wearing a "candy necklace" gets beat up hard on the play ground by 3 goons. he is now an adult working in an office, looking slim and fine. he hits of a girl he likes with confidense. they go out on a date in a an amusement park. She wants candy, He goes to buy her some and then notices "candy necklaces" as part of the candies. suddendly the candy seller guy looks alot like the bully to him. He runs away. he goes into a nearby "room of crazy mirrors" and all the mirrors show him as fat, he goes to leave the tent and the bullies show up and beat the crap out of him again. He gets up and looks at himself in the mirror fat and beaten up. He sees her waiting for him but wants to leave, he then notices the candy seller guy is ACTUALLY one of the bullies, He goes up to him and the guy is all nice and smiley (and fat), the hero buys some candy from him and goes back to the girl.
 
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Is there a criteria set the assignment requires that we should/need to know about?
Include A, B, & C; exclude X, Y, & Z?
Is there a certain "level" of complexity required just because it's an animation?
 
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i think i really like the fat kid story, as i had this experience.
and it's really a different version of the story so far just simpler and using what i got from your advices.
i've also decided that the candy guy is not one of the bullys just kind looks like him
 
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amld said:
ok how bout this for coherent writing:
Click to expand...
It's not very coherent, but there's enough pieces to put some Franken-story together.

In addition to not using the word wan't, try putting each sentence on a separate line to avoid those staggering text monoliths.


- A fat kid wearing a "candy necklace" gets beat up hard on the play ground by 3 goons. (Fine)
- He is now an adult working in an office, looking slim and fine. (Need to show some distinct "fat kid" is now "fit man" relationship)
- He hits on a girl he likes with confidence. (Just ask her out. KISS)
- They go out on a date in a an amusement park. (Fine)
- She wants candy, He goes to buy her some and then notices "candy necklaces" as part of the candies. (The candy thing is retarded. Go with ice cream or cotton candy)
- Suddendly the candy seller guy looks alot like the bully to him. (This suddenly stuff is bizarro aberrant)
- He runs away. (Why? That's just plain nutty. He's twenty years older but just as immature? Pfft. How about he just walks on with his date?)
- He goes into a nearby "room of crazy mirrors" and all the mirrors show him as fat. (How about his reflection in some mirrors or glass windows as they walk by?)
- He goes to leave the tent and the bullies show up and beat the crap out of him again. (WTF?! Where the h3ll did they come from and why the h3ll are they beating this guy up? That's just plain crazy).
- He gets up and looks at himself in the mirror fat and beaten up. (Fine, but the prelude made no sense).
- He sees her waiting for him but wants to leave, (He wants to leave or she does? And quit using "want").
- He then notices the candy seller guy is ACTUALLY one of the bullies, (WTH?!!)
- He goes up to him and the guy is all nice and smiley (and fat), (WTH, again?! Guy employed at the amusement park just took a moment to step out from behind the candy kiosk to beat the cr@p out of some random stranger then went back to work and began acting nice. :weird: )
- He... buys some candy from him and goes back to the girl. (And... she doesn't notice he's all sweaty and beat up)?


Alright, let's salvage this soup sandwich.

- Pudgy redhead kid with glasses walks across the park enjoying his double scoop ice cream cone.
- Three older kids rush up, trip him, step on his ice cream splattered in the ground.
- Pudgy redhead kid gets himself up off the ground.
- Looks at kids running away. Looks at squished ice cream. Stoops to pick up glasses.
- Glasses go onto face of fit and trim red head man. He's grown up.
- The man leans over the edge of the cubicle and asks his co-worker out on a date, she agrees.
- They goto amusement park, she intimates interest in an ice cream cone.
- Red goes to the ice cream kiosk, d@mned if it isn't one of the bullies all grown up working as a carny.
- They exchange glances, Red looks into nearby mirror/glass window and sees he's fat in the reflection.
- His hubris melts to shame.
- As Red turns about two more carnies walk by, Red trips by them as they pass.
- All three carnies laugh at Red as he gets himself up, his date is unaware of these events.
- Red puts on his glasses, gets another ice cream cone, take it to his date.
- Red gets a quick kiss.
- Carnies punch each other as Red winks at them.

More betterer? ;)
 
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haha. I actually change some thingg in the meanwhile.

The flashback will be in an amusement park. The kid buys himself and a girl candies. they chase each other around in the mirror maze and the bullies wait outside and want their candy. the kid tries to protect the girl and gets beat up.

In their date he thinks the candy guy is the bully, he then turns around and another bully is approaching him. he is afraid they'll harrass the girl like in his past and draws them in the mirror maze. inside he sees his reflection as a fat man, they come at him from both sides of the maze, he breaks the mirror that reflected him as fat and they are gone. He goes back to the candy guy and sees it's just a regular guy SLIGHTLY resembling the bully. he buys the girl the candy and the date goes great contrary to that childhood memory of his.

heres the story in short:
nathan is a fat kid, hangs out with a girl at the amusement park and buys her candy. they visit the mirror maze and three bullies assult them outside and end up beating the shit out of him.
act 2/present:
nathan is not fat anymore. he works in an office and has plenty of confidense. he asks the girl he likes there out and she wants to go to the amusement park
act 3 : on the date she asks him to go buy her some candy, the candy seller looks like one of the bullies. the other two bullies show up, though they are nightmarish versions of the bullies from his past (the demons with caps). he's afraid they'd harras his date and lures them into the mirror maze
they sorround him and he sees himself as fat in the mirrors. He manages to smash one of them into a mirror and sees that he is alone and looks normal. he goes out and buys candy from the candy guy whom he now sees only SLIGHTLY resembled the bully. he buys the candy and comes back to the girl.
the end
 
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amld said:
haha. I actually change some thingg in the meanwhile.
Click to expand...
(facetious) Nooooo!!! I'm shocked and amaaaazed! :eek:

amld said:
here's the story in short:
nathan is a fat kid, hangs out with a girl at the amusement park and buys her candy.
they visit the mirror maze and three bullies assult them outside and end up beating the shit out of him.

act 2/present:
nathan is not fat anymore.
he works in an office and has plenty of confidence.
he asks the girl he likes there out and she wants to go to the amusement park

act 3 :
on the date she asks him to go buy her some candy,
the candy seller looks like one of the bullies.
the other two bullies show up, though they are nightmarish versions of the bullies from his past (the demons with caps).
he's afraid they'd harras his date and lures them into the mirror maze
they sorround him and he sees himself as fat in the mirrors.
He manages to smash one of them into a mirror and sees that he is alone and looks normal.
he goes out and buys candy from the candy guy whom he now sees only SLIGHTLY resembled the bully.
he buys the candy and comes back to the girl.
the end
Click to expand...

Great.
Go with it.
Go bananas.
GL!
 
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No.

It's as far as a medium can be pushed.

It's better to show up for a party "as is" rather than to show up late with "the perfect" corsage.

You said the deadline was two days ago.
You're two days late already, so that's not much of DEAD deadline, is it?

And the project isn't due until spring, so... there's plenty of time to "embellish" your core idea presented here that your instructors will likely approve more than the "punch a baby in the face" story or the "crazy sh!t in an elevator" story.

Fair enough?
 
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rayw said:
No.

It's as far as a medium can be pushed.

It's better to show up for a party "as is" rather than to show up late with "the perfect" corsage.

You said the deadline was two days ago.
You're two days late already, so that's not much of DEAD deadline, is it?

And the project isn't due until spring, so... there's plenty of time to "embellish" your core idea presented here that your instructors will likely approve more than the "punch a baby in the face" story or the "crazy sh!t in an elevator" story.

Fair enough?
Click to expand...

No, the actual deadline of being completely finished with the story + storyboard. people have not started work on their movies.

I've already got some notes from him:

- Story has no point as he is imagining it.
- his realization that there are no demoms seems a bit forces as it is.
- And no TWIST in the plot, he doesn't feel suprised.
 
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