• Wondering which camera, gear, computer, or software to buy? Ask in our Gear Guide.

Writing a coherent story

A

amld

Dear god I want to f**king kill myself already.
I am on my final year of film school, Trying to create my masterpiece but I keep being told "your images are strong, but you need to write a coherent story". I don't give up. I wrote story after story after story. They all involved a guy that sees a warped version of reality, they all had 3 story arcs, Things make perfect sense in my mind but when I see it to my teachers they are scratching their heads.

I've been told today that maybe I should choose some tale, joke or song that I like and give it my own spin. I might do that but I can't shake this feeling of wanting to tell my own story. For the last month and a half I've been writing and drawing storyboard everyday, all day long. Something should have paid off didn't it?

And whats making me the most crazy is that they expected me to succeed, they believed in me and I feel like i've failed them and myself, while doing my very best.

Can anyone help me make a coherent story in this last attempt before I'll be made to make something that I didn't come up with?

Thank you.
 
Sort by date Sort by votes
amld said:
knighlly - The reason I started this topic is because this is an issue that is causing me trouble. Telling a coherent story. I have plenty of ideas but putting them in a short film structure prooved problematic for me ( As in, I've been told it is ) and that is the reason I came here to talk to you guys and get tips and experience basted stories about an issue like this with the solutions.
I certeinly do not mean to frustrate ANYONE. I appreciate everyone's help and if someone feels annoyed by this he can just not respond. I've respectfully reply to every post, even the ah.. "unneccecary" ones.
I should've mentioned that some of my "switches" were per my teachers' instrcution, I am in contact with them too and they give me some contrasting feedback :)

All I want is to tell a story that will mean something to me, and that others (not everyone ofcourse) will enjoy.

TheNoob - Wish I was trolling man. Never trolled so if these guys go to lenghts like this to troll people then I'm impressed ;)
I've tried doing just that numerous times and I still don't 100% get it haha. I will though. Blame it on the ADHD;)
Care to share some structures?
maybe I'll type in some of the stories that way.
Click to expand...

People have told you what to do already but you ignore them. And pick one story, please don't keep changing them. ADHD is no excuse for continuously ignoring advice.

Introduction: introduce conflict, and enough backgroud information to understand the story.
Rising action: place obstacles in protagonist way to achieving their goal.
Climax: Things change either for better or worse, if things are going bad so far they turn for the better or vice versa.
Falling action: antagonist wins or protagonist wins.
Resolution: conflict is resolved or protagonsit is worse off than when the story began.

Wikipedia, dramatic structure
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
That is the structure in every successful short film. If you're shifting plots because your instructors tell you to do so... prefacing your new stories with that information would have helped us out.

As a writer, you are communicating with writing. At my film school, written examinations of films was an important component. Writing is supposed to be the one thing that higher education students excel at (notice how I still end sentences with prepositions)... there is probably a center to help with that component as the posts here show quite a few grammatic and spelling errors. I'm not sure what the writing components are at your film school, but if it's part of a larger university, the writing should be stronger.

In learning to write papers, we are taught a format to use to present information to the reader. You are using much the same rhetorical strategy in a short film.

1) introduce the topic
2) explain the nuances of the topic
3) state your stance on the topic

#2 should support #3, and relate to #1... all a nice sequential, orderly progression.

1) introduce your character (show in a good or bad light)
2) explain the obstacle, the trouble
3) resolve the struggle with the obstacle (winning or losing)

Pick a short film and we'll gladly point out the 3 bits for you.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
Aaron M said:
Maybe this has been mentioned (I've a bad habbit of not trudging through whole threads)
But perhaps this is your trouble?

http://cinemoose.com/plot-vs-story/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrkHyvl5NeI
Click to expand...

Certeinly seems like I'm better at making story up than plotting them in a coherent way for others.

Here is a new story I wrote.
Disclaimer : EVERY story I've written here is a progression of an earlier story with lessons I learned between them. I do not completely abandon a concept, I'm just looking for different way to tell it until I find something that works.

going by the article above I will list the new story's story and plot.


Plot -
Nathan (Scientist) is sitting in the bus with a backpack. A terrorist walks in with dynamite. Nathan takes him out with a crazy anti-terrorist invention and saves the people on the bus. It was a fantasy, The bus returns to normal. Nathan leaves the bus and sees many homelessmen asking for money. He whips up a crazy ray gun and shoots at the skies causing gold coins to fall from the sky. He snaps to reality and gives the homelessmen the few coins he's got. He is sketching inventions on a notepad. His only invention is in a backpack besides him (a mccguffin of sorts, Many ball shaped items) . he sees on the live news the new middle east peace conference isn't going well and war is coming. He picks up his phone and calls. Israel's prime minister answers (we see it on the tv), then gives the phone to abu-mazen and they both HUG! Snap back to reality. He walks around the corner and sees a young lady getting mugged. He is about to walk away feeling powerless and then approaches the mugger and woman. The mugger points his broken piece of glass at him and nathan smiles and whips from behind his back... His wallet. The mugger takes the wallet and nathan's backpack with the inventions. Nathan is disgusted by his own cowardice. One of the ball inventions drops on the floor as the mugger runs away. Nathan picks it up and goes to check that the woman is okay. She is crying but then takes the invention from his hand and smiles. They hear noises near by. They go outside and nathan sees his backpack on the floor, a few of the inventions spilled out. It's a beanbag ball. The homelessmen are playing with one of the balls. Nathan picks up his spilled bag and the woman's empty purse and hands it to her. The homelessmen take coins out of their own donation cans to buy some of the balls from him. They seems to be enjoying themselves and that makes him happy. He wins a nobel prize for world peace. In the event we see the entire audience squeezing the balls.

Story - Scientist fantasizes about making an invention that will save the world. He is frustrated at his inability to invent anything to solve any world crisis. In the end, his one crappy "invention" The Beanbag (stress ball) helps make humanity a little happier.


I had another version of this where he is a comicbook artist and dreams of being a world saving super hero, and in the end all the homelessmen are reading his "homeless-MAN" super hero comic book.
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0 Downvote
That story actually sounds solid and shootable. You've officially made a produceable (one you can storyboard, schedule and budget for) story, not you have to turn it into a produceable script.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
:)
Which version do you think sound better? the scientist with the stress balls or the comic book artist ? Also, which part do you think needs to be worked on.

edit : okay i'm going for the scientist version and the invention will be fake smile teeth.

Also knighly, you might've missed it, but this is a 3d animation short film. I'll be doing it on my computer.
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0 Downvote
I do... the visuals are a bit "montaged", but the through line of the man trying to come up with a break through of amazing technology finds the simplest of his inventions to have the most impact is pretty cool to me.

Near the end, my expectation was that the stress ball would cause the mugger to repent or to be engaged long enough for the police to get there... or something, some real manifestation whereby the obstacle was overcome by the least likely invention.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
My first idea was that. The hero sees the mugger playing with the stress ball and the other homelessmen too (the mugger was a homeless). Anyways that's off the table too it seems. now they want me to do my interpertation of "the giving tree".
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
Heys!
So in an effort to "keep it simple", they told me to pickup a known story I like and make up my own version. I thought up the following story and already been given some good feedback.

"A poor homeless kid passes by a food stand run by an old man. The old man can't really cook and the food looks horrible. He calls the poor kid over and the kid approaches excitedly. The old man gives him a loaf of bread, and the kid eats it and leaves. the kid comes again the next day and raises his cupped hand (as beggers do). the man looks at the hand and gives him a coin. the kid looks disappointed and leaves. the next day the kid comes back and raises his cupped hand, the old man's stand looks like it's not doing too well, He takes a coin out his coin jar and gives to the kid. The poor kid puts the coin in his pocket and raises his hand again, The man gives him two more coins. his jar of coins is almost empty. A few days after, at nighttime, the old man is sitting in the street near his out of buisness stand. His buisness has failed and he only has one coin left. The kid appears and raises his cupped hand. The man shows him he only has the one coin, the kid still raises his hand. the old man looks at his last coin and puts it in the kid's hand. the kid holds his hand. The old man looks at the kid and sees that he is not only poor, but lonely. The kid is still holding his hand and puts his other hand on top of it. the kid then produces a jar of coins he has collected and holds it out to the old man, the old man pulls him into a hug.
All the kid wanted was human touch.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
amld said:
Dear god I want to f**king kill myself already.
I am on my final year of film school, Trying to create my masterpiece but I keep being told "your images are strong, but you need to write a coherent story". I don't give up. I wrote story after story after story. They all involved a guy that sees a warped version of reality, they all had 3 story arcs, Things make perfect sense in my mind but when I see it to my teachers they are scratching their heads.

I've been told today that maybe I should choose some tale, joke or song that I like and give it my own spin. I might do that but I can't shake this feeling of wanting to tell my own story. For the last month and a half I've been writing and drawing storyboard everyday, all day long. Something should have paid off didn't it?

And whats making me the most crazy is that they expected me to succeed, they believed in me and I feel like i've failed them and myself, while doing my very best.

Can anyone help me make a coherent story in this last attempt before I'll be made to make something that I didn't come up with?

Thank you.
Click to expand...


If your at film school you should only take in the aspects of film making ect how the camera's work how lighting works (but even in that just learn how to use the tools)

They can't teach creativity.

Don't worry about it just learn what you learn in the technical side of things .
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
amld said:
Heys!
So in an effort to "keep it simple", they told me to pickup a known story I like and make up my own version. I thought up the following story and already been given some good feedback.

"A poor homeless kid passes by a food stand run by an old man. The old man can't really cook and the food looks horrible. He calls the poor kid over and the kid approaches excitedly. The old man gives him a loaf of bread, and the kid eats it and leaves. the kid comes again the next day and raises his cupped hand (as beggers do). the man looks at the hand and gives him a coin. the kid looks disappointed and leaves. the next day the kid comes back and raises his cupped hand, the old man's stand looks like it's not doing too well, He takes a coin out his coin jar and gives to the kid. The poor kid puts the coin in his pocket and raises his hand again, The man gives him two more coins. his jar of coins is almost empty. A few days after, at nighttime, the old man is sitting in the street near his out of buisness stand. His buisness has failed and he only has one coin left. The kid appears and raises his cupped hand. The man shows him he only has the one coin, the kid still raises his hand. the old man looks at his last coin and puts it in the kid's hand. the kid holds his hand. The old man looks at the kid and sees that he is not only poor, but lonely. The kid is still holding his hand and puts his other hand on top of it. the kid then produces a jar of coins he has collected and holds it out to the old man, the old man pulls him into a hug.
All the kid wanted was human touch.
Click to expand...

like it :)

Also next step is to put scene headings AND some dialog ect

FADE IN:

EXT. NEW YORK 1950'S

(OLD STYLE MUSIC)

Camera shots across the old 1950's suburban america with smokey mils and chimneys as we fly over the tops of houses.
Lower shots we see and old lady wearing a her black coat walking her dog. We also see gamblers on the side road gambling and taking bets.
Camera pans - close up - sturn policeman walking by - rotating his batton. Then a few more high shots of the 1950's New york.

CUT TO:

EXT. 1950's MARKET PLACE - MIDDAY
"A poor homeless kid passes by a food stand run by an old man. The old man can't really cook and the food looks horrible. He calls the poor kid over. Steamy vents are near by

OLD MAN
Hey kid over here

the kid approaches excitedly.

YOUNG KID
Yes Sir?

The old man gives him a loaf of bread.

OLD MAN
That'll feed your hungry stomach.

The kid looks at the food in glee, old man leans over to him

OLD MAN
Now don't be telling all your other little friends about this right. Hungry for the needy. Needy for the hungry
not a service her right

Old man leans back and smiles and pats his head as he goes back to his work

YOUNG KID
Oh yes sir. Of course sir. Thankyou very much sir

OLD MAN
Now run along now. Not to make a scene of course

YOUNG KID
Of course sir.


the kid eats it as leaves turning back to the old man with a smile.

EXT. FRONT OF ORPHANAGE
We see the young boy hasn't quite finished his big loaf of bread. He stashes the loaf of bread in his back pocket - but its to late.
A bully of the orphange notices it and then grabs the young boy by his shirt and turns him around.

He swings him around and lifts his back shirt

BULLY
(TO THE YOUNG BOY)
Now what have we got hear

BULLY goes to grab the bread but for a second the young boy gives a swipe to stop him. The bully laughs

BULLY
Oh we got a wild one here. aint ya you little squirt

bully gives the young boy a shake of the collar as he still holds him. Young boy gives up fighting and sighs
The bully pulls out the fresh piece of bread out of the young boys pocket.

BULLY
Now what have we have here



Bully lifts it and shows it to his nearby bully sidekicks (sidekick friends laugh)

Bully leans over to young boys ear whom he's holding

BULLY
(to young boy)
You been holding out on us

he turns the young boy around then kicks him down and laughs.
Close up the boy ont he ground looks around as everyone laughs.

Close up the bully takes a bite of the bread

BULLY
Fresh, I want more of this and you will bring me more

Young boy sits up a bit still on the ground in a determined look

YOUNG BOY
No.

Bully laughs and hands the bread to his side kick who also has some bites

BULLY
No? did you say no?

he turns around for a sec

BULLY
You hear that boys he said no.

He turns back attention to young boy and puts his foot on young boys neck. I say you do - got it?

he presses his foot harder on young boys neck

BULLY
I can't hear you

Young boy
Okay

BULLY
whats that I can't hear you

he pushes his foot harder on young boys neck as his sidekicks laugh

YOUNG BOY
I said okay

he wipes the bullys foot away

BULLY
I thought so.

bully stands back and address him

BULLY
I want fresh meat or your dead meat got it.

Young boy sits up and holds his neck

Bully
tomorrow I want more and you better bring it. Good job what do you think boys

as he turns to his side kicks as they laugh

BULLY
See you tomorrow

as they walk off laughing

close up we see the young boy sitting up annoyed, he looks over to a blonde haired girl in the orphan who he likes that seen the whole thing. We see her smile at him then run in side.

close up the boy shakes his head.

EXT. THE MARKET - MIDDAY

the kid comes again the next day and raises his cupped hand (as a begger). The man isn't in such a giving mood today, he has customers all around him and he can't look bad atm. He leans over to the young boy and simply gives him a coin.
The kid looks disappointed. The Market man leavns over and talks to him.

Market man
Sorry kid can't help you today. I told you not a charity

He leans back up and goes over to serve his other customers as his store is packed - busy day.

Close up the young boy looks at the one coin - his clothes torn and drenched he gets up and walks out the door sad flipping the coin in his hand.

Close up last shot we see the Market man feel a bit sorry for him but then tend to a customer a lady that is stern and rich

Market man
Yes madam what can I do for you

CUT TO:

EXT. FURTHER DOWN THE STREET

We see the young boy walking down the street flipping the coin sad.

(LETS AD RAIN SHALL WE)

Camera pans up as we hear the thunder crack. Rain begins to fall - The young boy - this is all he needs

YOUNG BOY
(to himself)
oh great

The rain falls harder - he reaches the orphanage gates.

We see him close up - grapple clover up his wetty clothed clothes close together as he walks further . He is now standing infront of the orphang gates , the gates are black and dripping with rain drops. As he walks threw and opens the gates he looks around; there is no one there....

He walks threw the gates and heads for the entrance but out of no where he gets kicked to the ground - its the bully - he's been waiting, as the young boy falls to the ground. The bully stands over him and addresses him.

BULLY
Hey, wheres our food?

close up the young boy sits up with the rain dripping on him. The bully takes the coin from the boys hand and looks at it happy.

BULLY
Well you really have been holding out on us

he kicks the young boy

and shows the coin to his friends.

Bully
(out loud)
He brings us food.... and gold

he leans over to the boy .

BULLY
Your lucky I was starting to give up on you but you can bring the coin to

He looks at coin and laughs. The bully's sidekicks laugh to but he addrsses em

BULLY
(to sidekicks)
shut up

we see the sidekicks stand back and obey

Close up - the bully leans over as the rain falls on him.

BULLY
(to the young boy)
seems i underestemated you.

he looks at the coin, then kicks the young boy

BULLY
I want more.

the young boy shivers back, as the bully stands back.

BULLY
you have a gift and i'm gonna use it. I want more. .. tomorrow

YOUNGBOY
I can't , I.

BULLY
You can and will or suffer the certain consiquences. If you know what I mean?.

the bully leans over to the young boy.

BULLY
(to young boy)
you didn't just say no to me did you?

Young boy
No.. I mean . No..

Young boy
(sighs)

Bully stands up proud.

Bully
You've become usefull. Not bad for a poor boy, what you think guys?

As his side kicks laugh.

He kicks the young boys leg one more time and talks to him.

BULLY
Tomorrow. I want more. You got it?

Bully walks off and goes to flip the coin but drops it. It makes him cranky as his sidekicks watch him can't flip the coin.

BULLY
(to sidekicks)
what are you looking at?

He turns once more to the young boy and points at him before he walks inside with his goons.

BULLY
Tomorrow short stuff.

he orders his side kicks to follow him inside the school as they follow him.

BULLY
comon.

Bully walks inside - head covered from the rain.

CLOSE UP - young boy is sitting whiping his wet shorts from the muddy rain.

He then begins to cry. But he looks up and sees that the young girl he likes is staring from a room above the school with a smile. She gives him a smile and he gives a smile back - which cheers him up a bit.

EXT. MARKETPLACE - MORNING

the next day the kid comes back and raises his cupped hand, the old man's stand looks like it's not doing too well, He takes a coin out his coin jar and gives it to the kid.

I will continue it tomorrow. Hope I can help give you an A+ with a script to help, cheers.
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0 Downvote
Thank knightly! Though I already have my doubts creeping in.. isn't the story a cliche?

The vision - I like your story so far, but it's a whole different story than then one I wanted to tell!
Plus its a 3d animation 3 minute film with no dialogue so no way all that will fit. I appreciate your help though!
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top