Structure and Format for Shorts

[wheatgrinder]

Hi all,
Iv been reading a lot about feature screen plays, and many of the ideas I think will translate down to 30-40min narratives, but when the length is less, it seem that some of the act structure ideas would need to be compressed, or something..

What are the various approaches to writing short screenplays (less than 10 mins)

Lets start with this logline. (just made it up, change it if you want)

==============================================
An elderly man and his dog set out to find the legendary fountain of youth before the pending solar eclipse closes the secret entry way for the next 3000 years!

 

[theauteur]

The basic principle of a good short screenplay is to make every word and scene important. Due to the time limit, it's of utmost importance to talk to the point. No unnecessary flashbacks, minimal small talk and only 1 or 2 sub-plots.

My approach is to decide the story first. Then research the characters fully. And then write the first draft (length doesn't matter). After writing the first draft, I don't read it for couple of days. Then I read it again, and delete anything which is increasing the length for no reason. When we write for the first time, we are not able to see these things. So it's really important to read it afterward.

I keep on thinking of new ways to tell the same thing in a different and shorter way.

According to me, opening of the short is the most important, and one must spend a lot of time on it. Most of the shorts are meant for the internet, and it's really necessary to grab the attention of viewer, coz they've the option to change the movie just like that. If I don't like what I'm seeing within 7-10 seconds, I'll move on to another one. Therefore, opening scene should be the best.

 

[directorik]

The page number guidelines are based on the pattern that one page
is one minute. This works quite well for a script above 70 pages
because it averages out. Under 30 pages and the one page/one
minute average doesn’t work as well. Most short script don’t have
a set percentage of dialogue vs. action scenes.

The paradigm for a short is the same as for a feature, but coming
up with a page number is far less accurate. Of course you can run
numbers. 10 pages is 10% of 100 pages. So; 3/5/2? 3/4/3? 2/5/3?
But will that work?

I don’t know, I’ve never tried it.

I have made four short films. One of the five minute ones is 7 pages,
the other is 12. The six minute one is 2 pages. The 10 minute one is 14.

If I don't like what I'm seeing within 7-10 seconds, I'll move on to another one. Therefore, opening scene should be the best.

Which is why I really hate seeing 90 seconds of credits at the start
of a 6/10 minute short.

 

[PositiveFuture]

I've just watched The Raven. I reckon you don't need a beginning, middle and end for a short. Just get an atmosphere and a decent character that leaves the audience wanting more. Especially as lots of shorts are looking for money to eventually go full length.

One thing I think you don't need is a denouement or a twist at the end. Just leave it open. In a short, I'm more interested in the world and the character than the plot. The start of 28 Days Later would've worked as a short.

An elderly man and his dog set out to find the legendary fountain of youth before the pending solar eclipse closes the secret entry way for the next 3000 years!

HAhha cool. But what's at stake? Even better if he's going there for his wife. THEN you've got me.
Otherwise, why should I care about this guy? Maybe he's better off dead.

What happens if he doesn't get it? He dies? So what? Old people die all the time. At present I have nothing invested in the guy. There's a time limit, good, but what obstacles is he facing? Who's trying to stop him? Why should I root for him?

I was thinking this morning I'd add a fourth point to the Mamet Acid Bath.

1. Who wants what from who?
2. What happens if they don't get it.
3. Why now?
4. Why the hell should I care?

*

If you set up your short well, you could end just as the guy gets on the bus out of Cairo on the way to the caves. So it wouldn't even be the start of the journey.

 

[theauteur]

Yeah, another good advice. Never include opening credits in a short. Also keep the credits less in the end.

 

[wheatgrinder]

I suppose this is true with ANY story, you start "in the story" the closer you can start to the "big event" the better. So in the now MODIFED logline..

An elderly man and his dog set out to find the legendary fountain of youth before his wife is disconnected from life support in three days.

We start as the old man and his dog get off the "Ciaro Tours" bus. The old man talks to the dog as they walk in the heat. (exposition of why we are in Cairo)..

and..

 

[PositiveFuture]

An half-blind elderly man and his guide dog set out to find the legendary fountain of youth in a last ditch attempt to save his terminally ill wife of 50 years. Can they do it before the pending solar eclipse closes the secret entry way for the next 3000 years? Will the Black ghost surveillance teams in subterranean Cairo track him down and torture him before he smuggles the vial back to safety in Europe?

*

It's good to have a time limit, like we discussed elsewhere, but I'd prefer to have humans (or otherwise) setting the time limit. The cycle of the heavens is too impersonal. Maybe a Masonic professor from the American University is after the vial too. That gives the audience an enemy...

 

[wheatgrinder]

+1 on no credits.. superimpose in small print if you must..

 

[wheatgrinder]

An half-blind elderly man and his guide dog set out to find the legendary fountain of youth in a last ditch attempt to save his terminally ill wife of 50 years. Can they do it before the pending solar eclipse closes the secret entry way for the next 3000 years? Will the black surveillance teams in subterranean Cairo track him down as he smuggles the vial back to safety in Europe?

in 10 pages or less. Should be fun..

 

[PositiveFuture]

Yeah it could get a bit silly if you tried to cram too much in there. But I think all these core elements are essential to a story. You only need to introduce each player, which could easily be done in 10 minutes.

0-30: Establish setting. Cairo. Present Day. Call of a Muezzin.

30-1:15- Establish wife is dying with a phone call home. (The hospital is threatening to kick her out for unpaid bills too)

1:15-2:30- Establish he wants vial of immortality during conversation with his dog.

2:30-2:50- Establish he's partially blind as he bumps into a rude Frenchman in the hotel lobby.

2:50-3:00- Trips as he tries to give money to a beggar.

Cut to

3:00-4:30- Stronghold of Black Op teams. Just set the atmosphere. A hidden underground base.
The guy's phone call earlier has triggered the survellance tapes and he's put on monitor. There's
cloud cover though and the satellite is having trouble tracking him. Send a tail.

4:30-6:00- Guy has lunch. Establish more of his character.

6:00-7:00- Another phone call from the wife. He's trying not to cry now. Moment of doubt, what the hell is
he doing on this stupid caper?

7:00-8:30- Introduce fellow grail seeker.

8:30-9:00- Back at the base: The cloud cover has cleared. Recommend: Bait and Locate mark.

9:00- Leaves the hotel, fumbling as usual. Low on cash. Receptionist screws him out of another 10 dollars
and he's too drained to argue.

9:45- 10:00- Gets on the train to Luxor. A Green Eyed German woman sits next to him. Seems pleasant enough.
Does she know?

 

[wheatgrinder]

interesting, but its over... and we dont have an ending..

 

[wheatgrinder]

You know, you could tell this story in one\two scene(s).. maybe..

the old man and the little dog are at the wife's bedside..
they are dusty, hes dressed in a "I Got Stoned In Egypt" tshirt, his leather satchel all battered and scratched. His suite case is there, with all the "custom stickers and what not" His passport is hanging around his neck (Old people do that on tours)

He pulls the ancient vial out.. there is only enough for one!.. they look at each other.. the sun eclipses, (moving the couple from dark in to light) she smiles, he smiles... he helps her up... they slowly move down the hall.. get in the elevator.. dog padding along.. the get off the elevator. They walk down the corridor in the "children terminal cancer wing" they go into one of the rooms, a brave, but dieing child is reading a book, and looks up into the two beaming old faces as the dog jumps on the bed..

The end

 

[wheatgrinder]

No dialog in above.. some needed to explain that its the elixir of life etc..

 

[PositiveFuture]

interesting, but its over... and we dont have an ending..

That's what I was saying. IMO, a short doesn't need to have an ending. The 'ending' when he sits on the train, is also the 'beginning' as the viewers mind goes wild wondering how the hell all these elements are going to converge. A short could finish at the beginning of act II.

the old man and the little dog are at the wife's bedside..
they are dusty, hes dressed in a "I Got Stoned In Egypt" tshirt, his leather satchel all battered and scratched. His suite case is there, with all the "custom stickers and what not" His passport is hanging around his neck (Old people do that on tours)

He pulls the ancient vial out.. there is only enough for one!.. they look at each other.. the sun eclipses, (moving the couple from dark in to light) she smiles, he smiles... he helps her up... they slowly move down the hall.. get in the elevator.. dog padding along.. the get out on a different floor.. they are walk down the corridor in the "children terminal cancer wing" they go into one of the rooms, a brave, but dieing child is reading a book, and looks up into the two beaming old faces as the dog jumps on the bed..

Hehe I like your costume department.

You've told the story but I would want to see more action. You could compress Lord of The Rings to a short if you want:

Scene I: Frodo sets off to find the Ring accompanied by Gandalf.

Cut to.

Scene II: Sam and Frodo in Frodo's bedroom.

The End

*

Scene I: Luke is pissed at the empire for killing his Uncle.

Scene II: Chutes away! Proton torpedos enter the exhaust port.

The End.

Lol.

The point, for me, in a film isn't the start or end but the gut wrenching journey.

 

[PositiveFuture]

No dialog in above.. some needed to explain that its the elixir of life etc..

I like the idea of explaining things to the dog as exposition. It's original and adds to the sense of loneliness.

*

My point is, in your synopsis, where's the overcoming? Act II. Where's the enemy? Where's the dilemmas, conflict and resolution?

You gave a great premise but in your version we don't see the heroes journey so we don't get to go on the ride.

 

[wheatgrinder]

I don't quite agree, or rather, I would want a short to be a complete story, with ending. Though, I think thats just an artistic opinion and can see the coolness of the hanging end...
In relation to the OT, do MOST shorts have closed endings?

In my mini version above there is a journey.. both implied (the travel hints) as well as REAL. down the hall to the kids cancer ward.. there is also an emotional journey from selfishness to charity..

 

[PositiveFuture]

It ain't a hanging end, it's a hanging beginning.

That's the question. Does a short have to have a three act structure? Is it a compressed movie, or a glimpse into a world? I can only offer The Raven as an example of a successful short with an incomplete plot.

Fair enough if you want a complete story, that could be an interesting challenge too.

In relation to the OT, do MOST shorts have closed endings?

No idea, I haven't seen enough to comment. I have a feeling that a common short failiure would be trying to cover too much ground. I'm sure some succeed and some fail.

In my mini version above there is a journey.. both implied (the travel hints) as well as REAL. down the hall to the kids cancer ward.. there is also an emotional journey from selfishness to charity..

Yup but my version's got mysterious green-eyed chicks, underground bases, and a hero with a disability so I get the producer's interest. Only half joking. Yes I know you weren't after cash, you want to make Great Art, but it's a consideration. Anyway, it's fun to bounce ideas around with passionate people, I'm new to all this too.

If I ever made a short it would be with a view to making a full length, or just as a platform to practice cinematography and sound techniques. I'd try it to see if I could drag a viewer into a real seeming world in 10 minutes. I guess we have different aims.

 

[wheatgrinder]

whops, we started down the "my idea is better than your idea path" thats not the purpose of this topic. (but it is fun!)

Hum, sounds like some work around "what are shorts for" (besides showing off my fancy white chicken legs!) would be useful.

I see shorts used as:

• Contest material
• Teasers for a Feature (I think thats what positivefuture is driving at)
• Experiments and self education in film making
• School Assignments
• An excuse to play with composting software
• Skill presentation
• To impress friends

Which really is no different for any length movie, so depending on the GOAL of your short, you have options to the approach.

Can we pare this list down to two, or three "serious" aspects of short film making?

 

[PositiveFuture]

whops, we started down the "my idea is better than your idea path" thats not the purpose of this topic. (but it is fun!)

I was just making a comment about the industry and modern audiences. I've recently discovered some tricks and techniques to spice up scripts and I enjoy writing with an eye to interesting producers, just as a mental exercise. Plus I've ditched any arthouse pretensions I once had. I'm all about Chicks, Uzis and Sharks now.

It's not about competition or a tug-of-war, just bouncing two or three ideas against each other; distilling, cutting, mixing, until you come up with something great. I like to bounce ideas, have my own weaknesses tested, and do the same for others.

Everything on your list is fine, and if I made a short it'd be for most of those reasons.

An excuse to play with composing software + cameras, mics, props etc

It was fun playing with that logline, we should start a whole thread on them.

 

[Buddy Greenfield]

The structure of a short is one thing (and is by all means relevant and important of course)
, but the conceptual creation and practical do’abilty of a short is also very important.

Sometimes you have to turn a shoebox into Magic Shoebox to write a short, this is why I like the mini version…

(Granted, it’s not “perfect” just yet (to me), which is to say I know you have it in you to reshuffle the deck and lay out the cards a few times until a hook manifests itself to showcase the elements of the mini version.)

…I like it (the mini version) because it demonstrates that you hunted down things at the heart of your story idea with a focus on how it can be done for under 700 million dollars. This can be the difference between “What, the fountain of youth!?” and “Ahh cool, the fountain of youth!”

EDIT: On structure, someone here... (I think Will Vincent?) has a solid bit of consideration
about (from what I remember) getting in as late as possible and out as soon as possible.

It's a great consideration for short structure.

Hopefully he will see this and share it with better clarity than I can recall it.

-Thanks-