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Small Town Thriller Premise, Help?

I'm fascinated with small town, middle America. Always wondered what goes on in these places with 500 people, and only a few businesses. I'm also a sucker for a story where "someone comes into town, does something and inadvertently unearths a secret that will have dire ramifications for all those involved.


Lots of discussion going on here, and thanks for that. Here is the opening I've been working on. I'm open to any and all critique.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1ZPdTTK-XNlTOPzgi7NKFoQPZUdOHUU1D
 
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I picture the airfield being a very small landing strip, an old family business they deiced to open because they had so much land, and they live in trailers just on the side of the strip, and carry shotguns to chase away the kids that like to graffiti the planes at night, even Granny is known to blast some rock salt in their direction. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh man. Maybe I went too far.
 
My story is obviously different enough, just an odd coincidence that a current HBO show takes place in small town Missouri and follows someone trying to find out what's happening.

Oh I agree.

I like your setup and heck I'd even like a kind of "red herring" thought that the guy who hits/kills the LEO is the main protagonist and then he's suddenly killed leaving people thinking WTF?

Like he's a known drug addict (or some other thing that an influx of sudden cash would be a bad, bad idea) so he intentionally keeps the money/hides it, but reports the incident that killed the LEO (although it'll be tough to have him slam into the car and be not guilty of some crime).

After he reports the crime and that some young girl who didn't speak any English was in the car but ran away, etc. he holes up in a motel and starts spending the cash. Blow, hookers, etc.

Next day, he's dead. Hotel is ransacked but he was spending cash like he had a press. Time to interview the people he was laying benjamins on.
 
I picture the airfield being a very small landing strip, an old family business they deiced to open because they had so much land, and they live in trailers just on the side of the strip, and carry shotguns to chase away the kids that like to graffiti the planes at night, even Granny is known to blast some rock salt in their direction. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh man. Maybe I went too far.

Haha you know it's hard to tell if you're mostly sarcastic when you post or if you're actually interested in other's drivel.

Here is the actual airfield.

https://goo.gl/maps/PN98g3NZ3o82

Seriously though, Harper is in the middle of fucking nowhere.
 
Not sarcastic at all. But I think if the family is outcasts, and possibly called inbreds by the community, it adds a bit to why they are willing to be a part of selling humans.
 
Haha you know it's hard to tell if you're mostly sarcastic when you post or if you're actually interested in other's drivel.

Here is the actual airfield.

https://goo.gl/maps/PN98g3NZ3o82

Seriously though, Harper is in the middle of fucking nowhere.

I see that Finishing Touch Hair & Tanning is kitty corner from the airfield. Do they also offer 'massages'? Where they add that extra personal "finishing touch" to every customer?

Careful, you might be actually stumbling into an illicit enterprise in Harper.
 
I see that Finishing Touch Hair & Tanning is kitty corner from the airfield. Do they also offer 'massages'? Where they add that extra personal "finishing touch" to every customer?

Careful, you might be actually stumbling into an illicit enterprise in Harper.

Hell it's even right in front of Westview Lodge and Apartments.

You tell me there's a Pollos Hermanos there and I'll make the call to the feds right now.
 
Not sarcastic at all. But I think if the family is outcasts, and possibly called inbreds by the community, it adds a bit to why they are willing to be a part of selling humans.

I could just make the Sheriff's brother own and operate the airfield. One night this brother saw something he shouldn't have, and the person in the plane offered a deal rather than just killing him. He keeps the deal secret from his Sheriff brother and here we are. The person who got hit by the car could have been this brother. So now when the trafficker person arrives, there won't be his usual "I didn't see nothin'" guy waiting for him, which would present a problem.
 
My only other suggestion? A strong female character.

My suggestion? A madam from a larger KS town shows up because a couple of foreign girls show up wanting to work for her but she turns them down because they're under age, barely speak English, etc. and other than obscene english words, the only word they know is "help" so she takes pity on them and let's them stay the night. Next day it turns out they've robbed her and taken off but she witnesses them being taken into a police car from Harper. So she goes to Harper to get the money they stole from her from the "cops" who took the girls away.

Well, that's the backstory anyways.
 
My only other suggestion? A strong female character.

My suggestion? A madam from a larger KS town shows up because a couple of foreign girls show up wanting to work for her but she turns them down because they're under age, barely speak English, etc. and other than obscene english words, the only word they know is "help" so she takes pity on them and let's them stay the night. Next day it turns out they've robbed her and taken off but she witnesses them being taken into a police car from Harper. So she goes to Harper to get the money they stole from her from the "cops" who took the girls away.

Well, that's the backstory anyways.

I do need to include a female character. I mean shit, the goddamn sheriff could be a woman, or a woman could run the airfield.
 
One thing to keep in mind; everybody is into every bodies business in a small town. There aren't very many real secrets. Although they may not know the specifics, most people will know that something is going on; events/history/legend/lore passed on via rumor and hearsay.
 
One thing to keep in mind; everybody is into every bodies business in a small town. There aren't very many real secrets. Although they may not know the specifics, most people will know that something is going on; events/history/legend/lore passed on via rumor and hearsay.

Yup, thanks for that. I will definitely include little things like that. I have a couple of friends that live in Kansas that I've been pestering about small town details.
 
This sounds like a Jack Reacher story.

I'm a sucker for the loner, play by the rules/honesty badass that is placed in a situation he doesn't even want to be but comes out the other side taking matters into his own hands.

I would love it if Dale was driving at duck/night and he sees the young kidnapped girl - was it really a young girl? - as she rushes across the street into the woods. Was she only wearing her underwear??

He doesn't really know wtf that was about and he looks to where she ran into the woods and then he crashes into the LEO who was running after her, his pants halfway down his legs.

Now Dale, a - pick your character traits (badass ex-military, ex-LEO, reporter, etc) is forced into figuring out wtf is going in this small town.



I actually scripted a whole movie in my head on the way to/from North Carolina three years ago that deals with a loner type of guy having to face off against a French psychopath/drug kingpin nicknamed "Le Boucher" in the slums off of Paris. He mistakenly falls for a female who Le Boucher was "saving for himself" and now he's entangled in this big mess. I need time to write it down.
 
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