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Rough Edit - Critique?

Dreadylocks

Dreadylocks

Today I shot one of my commercial ideas for the superbowl contest! :cool:

I'd like to thank C Funk for introducing me to this awesome actress
who was totally perfect!

So this is my first edit, before I move on to the color correction/effects
stage I want to lock it down. Any suggestions, feedback, tearing
apart flaws would be totally appreciated and is solicited. :)

Visualization of final effects: Once we go 'back in time', everything will
be in sepia with a tasteful old film look (grain, a small bit of flicker/jumpyness).
Also the transition from the first to the second shot will not be a sharp
cut but a ripple dissolve (the first shot goes on into a longer dolly track
back).

Length: 30 seconds
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkAoQrIlq20
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkAoQrIlq20

My love to all who check it out! :D
 
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Yeah, I was wondering why the dolly shot was so brief; glad to know we'll actually see more of it.

The jump-cut at the @ :20 mark confuses me. Why is it there?

That's all I got. Nice work.

And yes, Nicole is wonderful. She's such a joy to work with.
 
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i like it, dready!

the only thing i think which couldve made it better was if she didnt have a can in her hand in the flashback sequence. that way we already see the product in the frist shot so we know wat it is abt. then the guy tries to impress her with tricks until he succeeds with the cans bringing her pepsi max thing kinda full circle. maybe it wouldve been a better effect that way with a little reveal of the product again.

just an opinion, its nice the way it is as well! i understand ur showing how she always had good times while drinking the product!
 
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I agree, the ease out could be a little longer and/or more in time with the music.

Some color correction on the fridge (light) would be okay, and it would be cool if you go from the fridge/flashback to all sepia tone/film look except for the soda cans, then when done go back to the fridge in color (If you have it) to get the refreshing satisfied smile after that 1st sip and give the logo or tagline or whatever, so thematically it's the taste of simpler times or that good old taste or whatever.

-Thanks-
 
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Buddy Greenfield said:
Some color correction on the fridge (light) would be okay, and it would be cool if you go from the fridge/flashback to all sepia tone/film look except for the soda cans
Click to expand...

My thoughts also. The transition, as it stands , could still be misinterperated as simply the talent in the present day, be her brilliantly costumed and nailing the mannerisms or not.

It's half way there with the change in pace, yet, the Sepia could piece this together perfectly, Dready.

Good job.
 
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Cracker Funk said:
The jump-cut at the @ :20 mark confuses me. Why is it there?
.
Click to expand...

Thanks for pointing that out. I think it was a bit of a conscious choice for cutting down time, but it's been fixed now and it still works, thankfully :)

Ernest Worthing said:
i like it, dready!

the only thing i think which couldve made it better was if she didnt have a can in her hand in the flashback sequence. that way we already see the product in the frist shot so we know wat it is abt. then the guy tries to impress her with tricks until he succeeds with the cans bringing her pepsi max thing kinda full circle. maybe it wouldve been a better effect that way with a little reveal of the product again.
Click to expand...

Yes, this could work. However my main concept was that by the time she got to the man, her can had run out. There is a short cut to her shaking the can, maybe it moves a little to fast to tell?

Buddy Greenfield said:
Some color correction on the fridge (light) would be okay, and it would be cool if you go from the fridge/flashback to all sepia tone/film look except for the soda cans,
Click to expand...
Great minds think alike, Buddy! That's been my plan all along! I've already got the first shot color corrected so it's not icky yellow. And the rotoscoping has begun on the rest of the shots. W00t!

ROC said:
THAT'S THE GUY FROM THE STEVIA SPORTS DRINK AD!!!
Click to expand...
Yeah, he's been having kind of a Will Ferrel year :P

dlevanchuk said:
Is there anything you can do about lightning on the top of the frame on :12 to :14?
Click to expand...
I'm not sure what you mean? Do you mean the lighting from the sky? How it's a bit blown out? Normally I'd agree, but I'm trying to emulate the old film look, and those old silent films tended to be a bit over exposed. Once I get the sepia /grain/shake, I think it'll look just right.

M1chae1 said:
That was cute, and most of the edits are solid. A few of the 'cut to' inserts were a bit fast though, in my opinion.
Click to expand...
This was my main concern. I'm glad you're the only one to point it out. Unfortunately the contest limits you to 30 seconds(no more, no less), so I really had to cram a bit. Thank god silent film is supposed to be sped up a bit (well, at least the way we are used to seeing silent films).


Thanks everyone for the feedback! The edit is now locked so I'm moving on to the next stage. I'll post up the results on here for final critique before I submit to the comp!

You're the best!! :D :D
 
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Donrt worry a lot abt the little issues bc the sepia, grain etc will cover up a lot.

I didnt notice the can shaking empty thing. Ill watch it again. i dont know if it was me or maybe it was too fast.

Ok everyone, raise ur hands if u noticed it the first time around that her can was empty before she got to the man.
 
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I know you are locked and loaded, but I would maybe add a final closing shot after you transition back.
The standard shallow focus (fridge in the background with the can colors) - Ice cold condensation covered can (maybe) next to the fizzy glass of soda and ice in the foreground, then place your tagline and logo on that. "What's new, what's old, what's always refreshing. Pepsi." (Or whatever.)

-Thanks-
 
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I love the suggestion (as well as the tagline)! But I don't think I can squeeze one more frame into this thing :(

I have so much wonderful footage of Nicole in the park doing crazy joyous stuff, and I didn't get to use practically any of it! I plan on making an extended version, just for fun though. Then I'll probably incorporate your idea. I do really like how this is turning out :)

@Ernest: it's at like the 23-25 mark
 
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I see it and it seems obvious now but to be honest, with all the movement going on, it was hard to think anything of it the first time around. So i wonder how many ppl will get it on their first watch and if ull get that msg across.

I would also think about Buddy's suggestion seriously. It may be more important to include that than any other shot in a product advertisement.

Im sorry i always seem so critical, there are plenty of good things to say about it and i like it a lot, i only want it to be as strong as possible so you win.
 
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Dreddy, I love it.

A few suggestions, nothing more..

That opening shot needs PUMPING UP..

A few post things could work.

Use AE to "relight" here face so it seems to be glowing from the heavenly light coming from the fridge.

Maybe add a "dream wobble" as you transition from now to "then" its a cliche of course, but adverts are all about cliche aren't they? Alternatively, you could do the closing\opening iris thing Iv seen in old movies..

Also, be sure and cover up that paint chip on the fridge.. my eye just SNAPS to it..

Good luck.
 
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Thanks for the suggestions! I've got all the effects done except for grain/flicker/shake which I'll apply to the assembled piece.

I've still got time to fix that opening shot, nice spot on the paint chip on the fridge, I'll clone that out. Primary color correction has been done to make the shot look ok, but how would you suggest going about giving her a glowing look? Got any good video copilot tuts to suggest?

And we are of one mind with the ripple dissolve out, it's already in my current cut.

Gonna work on this some more when I get home from work. Second draft should be up later tonight! :D



PS: Your new avatar is weirding me out, wheat.
 
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