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Okay, My Turn

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stephen bro i love your work..dont let these fools drag you down, this is the type of dialougue that makes knocked up and super bad awesome... where r u located? i think the dialogue is spot on but i think you should try and get an idea and stretch it into a feature film...do you have an email address...i live in los angeles and have 2 great ideas for comedy premises that i think you might like, i would love to partner up with somebody like you that has the dialogue down, do you have a facebook or something, i would like to get in touch with you and bounce a couple ideas off you...i really like the way your brain works and writes....the shit is funny
 
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samvic5 said:
stephen bro i love your work..dont let these fools drag you down, this is the type of dialougue that makes knocked up and super bad awesome... where r u located? i think the dialogue is spot on but i think you should try and get an idea and stretch it into a feature film...do you have an email address...i live in los angeles and have 2 great ideas for comedy premises that i think you might like, i would love to partner up with somebody like you that has the dialogue down, do you have a facebook or something, i would like to get in touch with you and bounce a couple ideas off you...i really like the way your brain works and writes....the shit is funny
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I know.

;):D

JK I'll hit you up.
 
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The format isn’t horrible, it’s a lot easier to read that some that I’ve seen, so don’t get too hung up on it. The font seems to have changed to Times New Roman, the spacing between lines is pretty tight, the borders on either side of the dialogue (especially on the right) are pretty miniscule, making the text run right across the page… It could be easier to read, but it’s not really bad. I’m sure you know about the page-per-minute rule, in its current format, it wouldn’t adhere to that rule.

I did notice that the file extension is .rtf, rather than .pdf. How did you export this from Celtx? There’s a button “Export PDF”, try that and it should look exactly as it does on screen. Or did you copy/paste it out to another program?

As far as “fuck” goes, if that’s the way you want the character to talk, there’s nothing wrong with that. I swear a fair bit, but never to the extent of your characters, so it just seems unrealistic to me. Off the top of my head, I remember reading “I’m fucking hungry.” I just don’t think a real person would say fuck in that sentence?

Is this the opening scene? If so, it feels like the opening scene of a TV show, rather than a feature. I really can’t put my finger on why, it just feels it…
 
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Murdock said:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RzaIGt1dT_4F97DreA92Eib5G0s5pz9f5LFic2dhzx8/edit?hl=en_US#
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I actualy like it alot aswell. I agree with cracker about a little to much insults. But dont get me wrong their are verry funny. It re-minds me of a cupple characters i had in my head to write a script about only problem is i dont know the first thing about writing a script. Reading this inspired me so i think im going to try and start writing a script soon. =) keep up the good work. I really like it.
 
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mad_hatter said:
I did notice that the file extension is .rtf, rather than .pdf. How did you export this from Celtx? There’s a button “Export PDF”, try that and it should look exactly as it does on screen. Or did you copy/paste it out to another program?


Is this the opening scene? If so, it feels like the opening scene of a TV show, rather than a feature. I really can’t put my finger on why, it just feels it…
Click to expand...

Yes I copied and pasted. So that's probably the problem. I need to find this export button.

As far as it feeeling klike a TV show. It might be because there is no opening shot. Like a shot of the town or something like that??
 
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Sorry buddy, this is all I get now:

Sorry, we are unable to retrieve the document for viewing or you don't have permission to view the document.
Please try again later.

You sure you made it public?
 
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Works now! And the formatting is perfect!


I'd had an idea what made it feel like a TV show, and reading it again, I'm pretty sure it's the series of shots you have.

If I think about it a little more, I think I see what your going for (I'm almost picturing the opening to "Dumb and Dumber", with the credits rolling over these images). It might just be the way I'm reading it, but the shots are so quick, I almost read this as being like the opening montage to an episode of "Friends". Maybe you could consider actually writing each of these shots as an individual scene...


INT. CHRIS' CAR - DAY

Chris cruises along the highway behind the wheel of his battered, old Ford. He watches the traffic in his rear-view mirror. He glances at a photo sat on the dash and smiles. Samantha is smiling back from the picture.

INT. TODDS CAR - DAY

Todd is sat behind the wheel of sports car, driving on the same highway. He looks at himself in the rear-view mirror, fixes his hair. He then offers a cheeky wink to the photo of himself that is fixed to the dash.


It might help to seperate them out, make them feel like the short scenes they are, rather than the few second shots they feel like at the moment.

As I said though, that might just be me. As I think about it, and I think I know what you're going for, I can picture this a little bettr and it does feel more film-like.
 
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personally too rated R for me, but man I laughed my butt off!

I was a bit confused by the use of gender agnostic name "Chris" I thought maybe it was two couples... so I had to refer back, something I think you'll want to avoid in the future.
 
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wheatgrinder said:
personally too rated R for me, but man I laughed my butt off!

I was a bit confused by the use of gender agnostic name "Chris" I thought maybe it was two couples... so I had to refer back, something I think you'll want to avoid in the future.
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Thank you or reading it.

Noted, about the names. I actually just used my name and my best friends name cause this is a discussion we could have had before I got married.:) Helped put me in the mood.
 
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