INT. JOHN'S KITCHEN -- MORNING
JOHN, middle-aged and balding, walks in his kitchen and brews a pot of coffee, looking out his window to see JUAN, and handsome and shirtless gardener half his age. VAL enters the kitchen, with a despondent look on her face.
VAL
(melancholy)
Hey.
JOHN
What's wrong?
Val doesn't answer, just looking down at the floor. John moves in for an embrace. Val pushes off.
VAL
John. Don't. Not now.
JOHN
Is there something I...
VAL
I'm pregnant.
JOHN
(awkward pause, feigning happiness)
Sweety, that's great. Sure, it's a little earlier than we planned, but we can make this work. I don't have to finish my masters' degree this year. I'll just have to pick up a second job, maybe we search for a...
VAL
(impatiently)
It's not yours.
JOHN
(downtrodden)
I thought you said you stopped seeing James last year.
VAL
I did stop seeing James last year. Except for once. But it's not his.
JOHN
What?! Who else have you been fucking?
Juan enters the kitchen.
JUAN
Miss, agua por favor?
Val scrunches her face in guilty admission, motioning towards Juan. John doesn't understand her implication at first.
JOHN
What?
(delayed reaction)
Juan? Are you kidding me?!
Val steps closer to Juan, to wrap her arms around his torso. Juan reacts uncomfortably, looking over his shoulder at John.
VAL
He's my soulmate. We're gonna move in together.
JOHN
(double-take)
You don't even speak the same language!
VAL
We both speak the language of love. I've already packed my bags. You're just going to have to learn to deal with this.
Val grabs Juan by the hand, and leads him to the other room. John steps to the doorway between the kitchen and living room to watch Val drag Juan towards the other side of the living room, where 4 large suitcases are waiting. Juan picks up the suitcases, while Val picks up a lamp beside them.
JOHN
That's my grandma's lamp.
VAL
Was your grandma's lamp.
The doorbell rings.
EXT. JOHN'S DOORSTEP -- CONTINUOUS
A small TV crew is standing on John's front doorstep. SMILES, a local TV celebrity stands front and center, sharply dressed in a nice suit, holding a gigantic check in front of him. John answers the door.
SMILES
Good afternoon, sir. Are you John Aldridge Matthews?
JOHN
Um, yeah, I am.
SMILES
Mr. Matthews, it is my pleasure, on behalf of the Publishing Wholesale House to inform you that you are the grand-prize winner of our annual sweepstakes!
(turns to mug camera, saddles up next to John)
You just won ten million dollars! How do you feel, right now?
Val enters the doorway, to stand at John's side, carressing his shoulders. John barely has time to soak this all in, before a black Porche comes racing around the corner, past John's house. Right behind it, an entire squad of police cars make chase. Overhead, both police and news choppers follow the action. Careening out of control at the end of the block, the Porche slams into a hedge of bushes.
The police cars all screech to a halt, surrounding the Porche, police officers drawing weapons and aiming at the Porche. The driver's door opens, but nobody appears, at first. Finally, slowly, SARAH, a beautiful middle-aged woman, emerges, being forced out of the car. Behind her, HOODLUM keeps hold of her with his arm around her neck, holding a gun to her head.
CHIEF
(yelling)
Put the gun down, now!
JOHN
(brushing off Val)
Holy shit, that's Sarah.
John makes a b-line towards Hoodlum and Sarah.
HOODLUM
(to police)
Back off. I'll shoot this bitch right here.
CHIEF
You know we can't do that. Listen, this will all end better if you give yourself up right now.
John walks nonchalantly through all of the police, towards Sarah.
OFFICER
Sir, you can't go over there. Stop, right now.
John continues walking, past all of the police officers, stopping halfway between the police and Hoodlum & Sarah.
SARAH
(surprised)
John?
HOODLUM
Who the fuck is this?
CHIEF
(to John)
Sir, I need you to back off; let us do our job.
JOHN
Sarah, how come you never returned my calls?
SARAH
What?! You think any of that was easy for me? I cried myself to sleep every night, for half a year. I didn't have a choice.
HOODLUM
(to Sarah)
Shut up, bitch!
(to Chief)
I want a helicopter here, right now! And a million dollars in unmarked bills!
JOHN
Sarah, you know that's not true. You didn't have to move to New York.
SARAH
Excuse me?! Why do act like everything was so simple? And it's not like you didn't have other options, either.
CHIEF
We've got snipers in position. You've got five minutes to comply.
JOHN
(to Sarah)
I know. Not a single day passes that I don't regret it. I miss you.
SARAH
I miss you, too.
HOODLUM
(to Sarah)
God Dammit, bitch, I'm gonna shoot you in the face, right now!
JOHN
(to Hoodlum)
If you call her bitch one more time, I'm gonna...
HOODLUM
Biiiiiitch! Bitch, bitch, bitch, biaaatch! What? What are you gonna do?
John angrily marches in Hoodlum's direction.
CHIEF
Sir, stand down. Now!
HOODLUM
(mockingly)
Ooh, tough-guy's gonna do somethin.
Hoodlum moves the gun to point it at John's head. With Jason Bourne efficiency, John moves his head to the side, to narrowly avoid the gunshot, as Hoodlum pulls the trigger. Snatching the gun from Hoodlum's hand, John throws it to the ground, before striking Hoodlum squarely in the face, practically knocking him out in one punch. Standing over Hoodlum, John watches for a moment to make sure the battle is over. As police swarm around him, to apprehend and cuff a barely concious Hoodlum, John looks up to meet eyes with Sarah. Without hesitation, they both move in for an extended, passionate kiss.
By the time Sarah and John finish their long-overdue kiss, Smiles is on the scene, with his camera crew behind him.
SMILES
Surprise multi-millionaire John Matthews, turned crime-stopping hero on national TV. John, can you describe your feelings to us?
John puts his arm around Sarah's shoulder and leads her back towards his house, pushing through Smiles and his camera crew. With the camera on them, John smiles as he squeezes Sarah, kissing her on her cheek. Sarah giggles, then kisses John on his cheek.
INT. JOHN'S KITCHEN -- MOMENTS LATER
John and Sarah enter the kitchen, as the bell rings on the coffee machine, to signify that it's finished brewing. John grabs two mugs out of the cupboard and begins pouring.
JOHN
You still like your coffee black?
SARAH
Yeah, thanks.
John hands her a cup of coffee. She sniffs it before taking the first sip.
SARAH
I see your exquisite tastes haven't changed one bit.
(takes another sip)
Wow, what an eventful day.
Sarah looks up from her coffee, to see John standing motionless, jaw fully dropped to the floor, looking over her shoulder, in clear astonishment.
SARAH
What? What's up?
Sarah looks over her shoulder to see outside John's rear window, a UFO parked in John's back yard. A little green man stands by the window, looking in at John and Sarah, with a cartoonish smile on his face, holding the peace-sign with his hand.