logline Logline feedback for a drama, please and thank you

After a road accident, a young malcontent finds himself legally bound to the whims of a narcissistic billionaire who aims to break him as a person.

I am intentionally working logline to script and outside of my preferred genre. You know, as a learning experience. I'm trying to not flesh it out too much before I start as I want to pants my way through some parts. I have a vague idea of this being something Hal Ashby might've made in the early seventies. That's just a goal, not trying to talk myself up.
 

mlesemann

Staff Member
Moderator
I would trim it down. I don't love "malcontent" as it's not in common usage these days - at least not in the US. I'm not sure if my replacement reflects what you're going for.

After an accident, an angry young man finds himself bound to the whims of a narcissistic billionaire.
 
I'm flipping it:

After a directionless young man enters his life, a bored billionaire discovers a dark pleasure that threatens their lives and sanity.

"threatens their lives and sanity" is an nice phrase, but it's backwards isn't it?
 

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
sounds lke he wants to do an "eat the rich" type story where the billioanire is evil
how about billionaires dog gets loose, joe samaratian kills it with the car and he's really sorry but evil rich guy then sets out to ruin his life.

pays his girlfriend 2 million to break up with him in a really awful way, stuff like that.
rich dude thinks he's some sort of john wick badass getting revenge for his dog but really he's just a complete dick to an innocent guy that was in an accident
 
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