We all know the usual script scams, ludicrous screenwriting contests or websites that offer access to industry heavyweights for a monthly fee. They all have one thing in common, they at least make an effort and have a really big fake promise of fame and riches for the lucky winner. It seems the bar has been lowered significantly based on an "offer" I got this morning. It seems writers are so desperate that the scammers no longer need to pretend there's anything to win. I mean nothing at all, it's hit new levels of shithousery.
The website ***** have cordially invited me to send them a completed screenplay and an as yet undetermined cash "donation". To what do I owe this honour? What will I get in return you ask? Well, Terhi Kylliainen might read it and tell me what she thinks. So I know you're thinking wow! The one and only Terhi Kylliainen! She produced that dinosaur film? Where do I sign up? No, not that dinosaur film, the other one. What, other one? You know the one where the guy finds a dinosaur. But that was the other one! No it wasn't! Her dinosaur film won the Jury Award at the Lucas Film Festival! George Lucas has a Film Festival? No he doesn't. Then why is it called The Lucas Film Festival? I don't know, it's German. German? Yea, Germans make films. I know but do they have to call it Lucasfilm? Isn't that confusing? Look you're getting dragged into the detail, let's get back to the "Offer". OK but I still want to know about that German George Lucas guy!
Anyway, like I said she produced the dinosaur thing, but that's not all. She's also listed as "Additional Cast" on the film Getaway with Ethan Hawke, and almost 3% of critics gave that one a positive review. She has the honour of being listed as "Assistant to the Producer" on a film called Legendary, the one where Dolf Lundgren finds a dinosaur in China. So there seems to be a theme running through her body of work and now she's looking for her next project. If you send over a screenplay and some money they'll pick 10 lucky "Winners" and Terhi will give you her feedback. With credentials like that you know the pearls of screenwriting wisdom she's capable of imparting to those of us who have never reached the heady heights of "Assistant to the Producer" on a Dolf Lundgren film. Unfortunately I don't have any suitable dinosaur scripts but if you do, why not send them to Terhi, along with a "Donation" of course and maybe she'll turn it into "a reminder of the dangers in attempting to speed past coherent editing, character development, sensible dialogue, and an interesting plot", as one critic said of her previous work. Seriously, people actually believe this is a prize worth winning. If like me you think this is the most pathetic, can't even be bothered pretending, excuse for a scam please let me know. Because I'm starting to feel like the only muggle at Hogwarts.
The website ***** have cordially invited me to send them a completed screenplay and an as yet undetermined cash "donation". To what do I owe this honour? What will I get in return you ask? Well, Terhi Kylliainen might read it and tell me what she thinks. So I know you're thinking wow! The one and only Terhi Kylliainen! She produced that dinosaur film? Where do I sign up? No, not that dinosaur film, the other one. What, other one? You know the one where the guy finds a dinosaur. But that was the other one! No it wasn't! Her dinosaur film won the Jury Award at the Lucas Film Festival! George Lucas has a Film Festival? No he doesn't. Then why is it called The Lucas Film Festival? I don't know, it's German. German? Yea, Germans make films. I know but do they have to call it Lucasfilm? Isn't that confusing? Look you're getting dragged into the detail, let's get back to the "Offer". OK but I still want to know about that German George Lucas guy!
Anyway, like I said she produced the dinosaur thing, but that's not all. She's also listed as "Additional Cast" on the film Getaway with Ethan Hawke, and almost 3% of critics gave that one a positive review. She has the honour of being listed as "Assistant to the Producer" on a film called Legendary, the one where Dolf Lundgren finds a dinosaur in China. So there seems to be a theme running through her body of work and now she's looking for her next project. If you send over a screenplay and some money they'll pick 10 lucky "Winners" and Terhi will give you her feedback. With credentials like that you know the pearls of screenwriting wisdom she's capable of imparting to those of us who have never reached the heady heights of "Assistant to the Producer" on a Dolf Lundgren film. Unfortunately I don't have any suitable dinosaur scripts but if you do, why not send them to Terhi, along with a "Donation" of course and maybe she'll turn it into "a reminder of the dangers in attempting to speed past coherent editing, character development, sensible dialogue, and an interesting plot", as one critic said of her previous work. Seriously, people actually believe this is a prize worth winning. If like me you think this is the most pathetic, can't even be bothered pretending, excuse for a scam please let me know. Because I'm starting to feel like the only muggle at Hogwarts.
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