@Inarius: You are partly right but mostly wrong about including actions in dialogues. You will occasionally see an action included in a dialogue but it is STRONGLY discouraged. It IS NOT used to save space but to indicate an action that co-occurs with a dialogue. ... However, that doesn't mean it's generally accepted. In one sense, the dialogue and the action are both "scene shots". Used in this way it passes information to the actor. ... Some writing gurus will tell you 'never'. It's often because newbies go crazy and substitute it for action lines. Scripts littered with parentheses will often get rejected. It's not about saving space but having a clear, readable script. Actions should occur outside of dialogue. They're shot setups. On the rare occasion it may be needed, be concise. It should add to the immediate context of the dialogue and not be standalone. The situations when you would include an action in a dialogue, though, are extremely few.
...Fantasy: That bolded text is the method Inarius was referring to. And from what I understand nobody says to do it that way. It would save space in the long run, but it's generally not accepted. -Birdman
@Birdman: Again, I think we're in agreement that while most authorities say DON'T, in actual screenplays you will find that screenwriters DO. However, as I tried to emphasize, they occur very infrequently and only in the context of the dialogue. Your example is a good one that emphasizes my point.
...This one:
Code:
KAFFEE
We believe it did, sir.
(glancing at the paper,
then motioning to
the AIRMEN)
Defense'll be calling Airman Cecil
O'Malley and Airman Anthony Perez.
They were working the ground crew at
Andrews at two a.m. on the seventh.
-Birdmam
It's about discipline. There are prodigies like Mozart who by 10 could play dozens of instruments and write staggering compositions. You have some 10 y.o.'s who are prodigious and execute the most astonishing performances on one instrument. Then you have the majority of musicians who dedicate their lives to mastering instrument and composition. It doesn't matter how brilliant the composer if they can't write down the music in a way others can create it. Every composer is taught "the rules" for counterpoint, modes, harmonic progressions, instrument ranges, formats, etc. Once they've mastered these, they can improvise and break "the rules". The same is true of any art, including screenwriting.
None of the suggestions by this group apply specifically to a filmmaker producing their own film. No one can quantify how many parentheses are bad. If used frequently, it suggests a lack of experience which often correlates with a weak story. Parentheses are directions. Unless the writer is also the director, the writer doesn't need to focus on directing the action.
There is also the caveat that most of the available scripts online are the shooting scripts, not the actual spec scripts. Shooting scripts often have details added after the fact by the script supervisor who revises the dialogue as delivered to match the movie or assist the editor. I don't believe in "absolutes"--never do this or that. However, having worked with companies, I recognize that the quality of the writing does strongly correlate with the inability of writers to judiciously break the rules. Too much is never a good thing.
Like music, not every band or singer makes it to the top. Watching "The Voice" or "American Idol" should emphasize that desire doesn't always match ability. Often, you can see who will fail when they step up in front of the judges by the way they look or talk. The same is true of a script. How many notes does a singer have to miss to be 'bad'? Readers, like the judges, have to wade through lots of wannabes. Does that mean they're biased or that they know what America looks for in an "idol"? Does that mean no one should try to be a singer? Hell no, lots of musicians hook up to form bands or perform solo but they never make it big. Talent and luck figure into it. If you're trying to get picked up by a music producer, you need to have a style that matches what's marketable at the time.
Yeah, I might be radical by "breaking the rules" and doing disco. But sending to a hip hop producer won't get me a contract. Sending it to most music producers won't get me a contract. Thinking that it's a bug up the music producers' asses doesn't change the fact that "my style" isn't selling. If I'm a vocal coach trying to help you train your voice but you prefer to do it your own way, that's fine. Does every vocal coach have to be an opera or rock star? (For that matter, not every doctor you have was top of their class.) The same is true with screenwriting.
Is being a spec writer dead end? Hell no. But if you're sincere about having the best chance possible, you still need coaching. Part of that coaching is to learn the basic rules and be able to apply them well.
@Inarius: NEVER put the parentheses AFTER the character's name in a dialogue. The only time you do that is for a voiceover (V.O.) or off camera (O.C.).
Directorik was on target with his feedback. If there are only one or two people in the room, you don't need a "(to X)" reference. It should be clear who is being addressed visually. You really only need that if there is a group and it's necessary to distinguish who is being addressed.
No, you don't need to win the lottery to make your film. Learn to network locally with others. However, if you're trying to sell a spec script to a Hollywood studio with NO produced works, yeah, you might as well buy a lottery ticket. Selling/optioning a script to smaller independent studios, though, is quite possible. They often have smaller budgets and you don't get huge bucks, but you do get paid and get credit which are the stepping stones to landing a contract with a major studio. Like most endeavors, building up credentials takes time and effort. True prodigies are few and far between. And FWIW when you do read their works, it is usually immaculate and follows the "rules".
