• Wondering which camera, gear, computer, or software to buy? Ask in our Gear Guide.

What's a good site to post a short film script?

H

harmonica44

I have registered a rough draft of a short film script I wanna post for feedback from you guys. What sites are good for that? Thanks.

K I figured it out. Here's the link to both. The title of the script is only working title since I needed something to call them. I would not use those. Anyway, in Midget, I'm not entirely done. The character Clint, needs a funny line to say after killing the two women, in such an absurd scenario. Give me all the negative feedback. I know it's not a good script lol. But it's a short so I need to figure out how to convey a good story in such a short amount of time. The two features I am working on are a hell of a lot better. Any advice on how to improve the short is appreciated. Thanks.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1.../edit?hl=en_US

Let me know if the link works.
 
Last edited:
Sort by date Sort by votes
I don’t think this is the correct link, it just takes me to the ‘sign in’ page, then to my own documents.

When you upload the document, be sure to make it shared. When you select ‘Shared’ it will give you the URL that you need to post here, so we can access your script.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
Still think this is the wrong link...

When you select "shared" (or whatever term they use) it gives you a seperate link. Use that one, not the one in your address bar.

What's the document called, just so I know I'm not missing something...
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
Let me preface by saying that I am by no means a professionsl (just read something of mine and I am sure you'll notice that after reading) so please take this as some quick observations for you to look at if you want to send to show to some people.

To me, it mainly reads like an outline without going into sublevels.

Some of your dialogue needs to change regarding your use of tense. Ex.:

American [Diplomat]
The man's name is David Trilby; he's a journalist for the Wall Street Journal...

Also,
American [Diplomat]
...Last week we intercepted a call by one of the kidnappers involved.

I also don't think that the kidnappers would be caught so easily - most terrorists and kidnappers nowadays are a more savvy than that and will more than likely use a non-traceable connection so they will not immediately be found out.

Also, why would the government be so interested in his story where it was on a need to know basis? Especially since he works in a private company?

Also, are you using Egypt as the place of abduction or Libya, Tunisia, Algeria or somewhere else in North Africa? I am guessing Egypt since the use of their diplomat. If so, use that in your slug instead of a vague reference to North Africa.

Work on your sluglines when moving from the desert to the resort and back again.

The part of the two Little Women sounds very far-fetched, especially the way she immediately comes onto him with nary a word. And the ending line that they get Trilby out of there is a flat.

That's just my .02, hopefully others will chime in with their responses.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
I know I need some work on my ending. The little women was suppose to be campy like a 70s Bond outing, and was intentionally far fetched.

I know that most terrorists would not be caught so easily but since it's a short that is suppose to be no more than 5 or 10 minutes what else do I do really?

Thanks for the input. Any other advice will be great. I will think of better wittier lines to end it.
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0 Downvote
It was resonable until the two little woman.

I had a "What in the world...." moment, as if i'm watching a TV show and someone changed the channel without me knowing. I think when Arrodii said it's a bit far fetched. It means you should change it. It's not convincing, not believable to the audience, takes the reader/viewer out of the story. It's just plain weird...

Other than that, the rest of the script just need some tidying up, and other wise it has potential.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
I read the script. It has potential, but so does everything else under the sun.

My understanding was that you were writing things that you could shoot to so you could learn filmmaking. You might want to be less ambitious with the first few scripts in terms of setting. I can write a script where a bmw is speeding across a train track on a bridge over a raging river being chased by a bullet train. The problem is that it is physically, financially and emotionally difficult for me to think about renting a bmw.

Keep trying and keep learning. But write things you can shoot easily. They don't have to be perfect. You just have to do them and figure out why they were not perfect, and you'll be on your way.

Good luck
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0 Downvote
Synia said:
It was resonable until the two little woman.

I had a "What in the world...." moment, as if i'm watching a TV show and someone changed the channel without me knowing. I think when Arrodii said it's a bit far fetched. It means you should change it. It's not convincing, not believable to the audience, takes the reader/viewer out of the story. It's just plain weird...

Other than that, the rest of the script just need some tidying up, and other wise it has potential.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the input, but it's suppose to be a campy comedy though, like James Bond. When Bond fought Nick Nack in The Man With The Golden Gun, a lot of people got that it was suppose to be far fetched, same with fighting Jaws and his metal teeth, and superhuman strength. So if Bond can get away with being not being believable does that mean my script cannot?
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0 Downvote
How does the midget/woman stand up from the chair when there are two of them?

How could it look right in the first place with her sitting/reclining in the beach chair? There's no way two midgets under a burqua is going to look like a body.

Wouldn't the arms be shorter, thereby giving away the effect?
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
Oh sorry I forgot to mention, that her arms were hidden under the burqa, since burqas can sort of hide them. I'll write that in. One midget would have to balance herself on top of the other but it's all part of the far fetched comedy.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top