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logline Thoughts on my Logline?

Tell us more about the MC:

An introverted young man...

wakes up in:

awakens in...

Tell us more about the motel:

a cheap motel...

and no memory:

with no memory...

I could keep going but my point is, tell us more without using a lot of words and try to maintain a nice flow.
 
he spirals into psychological battle where guilt, identity, and reality blur into one terrifying truth.
Should this be "a" psychological battle?

Also, blur seems counterintuitive here, "one terrifying truth" sounds absolute. Perhaps terrifying could change to unimaginable. A bit more ominous.

...he spirals into a psychological battle where guilt, identity, and reality blur into the unimaginable truth.

And unimaginable ties it into memory loss.
 
Tell us more about the MC:
Let me elaborate.
A man wakes up
"A man" tells us nothing. Is he a down-on-his-luck public defender? Is he a sanitation worker on disability? A college student during spring break? I'd like to know something about the MC. All I'm saying is, tell us.
 
my 2 cents:

Clarify Vince’s nature — Is Vince a hallucination, a ghost, or a real person? Even if you keep it ambiguous, a hint helps the tone feel more cohesive.

an example:
After waking in a seedy motel beside a murdered woman and no memory of the night before, a tormented man is hunted by a shadowy figure named Vince — forcing him to unravel a truth that could shatter his mind or prove his guilt.
 
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