I think it is alright for a little home video fun I guess, but if you are trying to be a serious film maker I think you are going to have to invest in some more equip.
The whole beginning has that "in camera mic sound", in fact it sounds like an old camcorder. It seems like its shot kind of awkwardly. The jump cuts could have been timed better I think. And maybe the aftermath could have been more suggestive.
The music was also kind of awful to me, especially when it randomly and abruptly stops.