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The Samurai- A Very Short Screenplay

NickClapper

NickClapper

This is a screenplay that I cooked up. It's pretty short, but I think it could, potentially, be something I might film.

I'd be interested to know what people think. Does it make sense? Is it funny or are you just left thinking 'WTF?'?

Some of the 'comedy' is kind of visual, so please try and picture it whilst reading. I appreciate all feedback, even if it's simply to tell me that it was terrible. But if it is terrible, do let me know why! :D

Anywho, here it is:

http://www.theclapperbored.com/TheSamurai.pdf
 
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I started reading this thread. (I loved the idea about the samurai at the front door!)
And by the end of the thread this lovely idea was shot. But the punchline was, It was shot again!
Brilliant!!
I can't wait to see the short!
 
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PTP said:
Wahoo!
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Wahoo indeed ;)

Flicker Pictures said:
I'd say three times a charm, but sounds like two times did the trick. Hope it all comes together for you. I enjoyed reading the draft you sent me a long while ago. Kudos to you and Phil_UK!
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I think there's a sequel in it that will make it third time lucky :lol:

CHamburger said:
LOL "I find it hard to believe to believe there's a samurai anywhere other than medieval Japan"

Really funny. I didn't know you couldn't right (beat)? Is that a new formatting thing?
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Not new to the best of my knowledge. I actually used to write 'pause' like I would if I was writing for the stage but, on this very forum, I got my ass kicked for it and told to use 'beat' instead.

Burnsy said:
I actually thought this was very readable (some aren't) and the punchline made me laugh. So I guess that means I love it. :P Well done!
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Ha! Ok, thanks :)

kinglis said:
I started reading this thread. (I loved the idea about the samurai at the front door!)
And by the end of the thread this lovely idea was shot. But the punchline was, It was shot again!
Brilliant!!
I can't wait to see the short!
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:lol: I'll take your word for it...

Dreadylocks said:
Great news! Can't wait to see it :)
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Me neither! Phil and I kept missing each other on Skype this evening but from what I gather the edit's progressing very nicely... *insert smiley here because of the damned smiley rationing allowance*

I'm very content this evening.
 
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Well there is a cut at the moment and John (harpsichoid) is scoring it.

Unfortunately Phil has finally turned against FCPX as it has destroyed the project, so that's likely to slow us down a little bit. All the same: we only filmed it a week ago, so we're making pretty steady progress! :)
 
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I am unsure as to how much reworking of the script you are interested in, but I could simply give some ideas that might help with the punch line.

Instead of having a man inexplicably dressed in a samurai suit of armour, perhaps you could use this character, as well as the main character Winston's reaction to him, as a means to come to some sort of revealing and ironic comedic end. We see Winston as this conservative reserved man, able to speak eloquently about an absurd situation while still feeling quite strongly about it. In this story the man in the samurai suit is this sort of "other". He represents a strange and conspicuous avocation or sorts (if I am reading the script correctly). So, to turn this whole idea of "the other" around, perhaps you can close with a sudden and nonchalant display of something very outrageous that our man Winston considers an ordinary part of his low-key lifestyle. Perhaps some sort of sexual perversion, like a fetish like another man dressed as a stereotypical cowboy whom Winston makes advances at who has been in his apartment this whole time. Sorry I have to go, but you see where I am going. Love to hear back.
 
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greener said:
I am unsure as to how much reworking of the script you are interested in, but I could simply give some ideas that might help with the punch line.

Instead of having a man inexplicably dressed in a samurai suit of armour, perhaps you could use this character, as well as the main character Winston's reaction to him, as a means to come to some sort of revealing and ironic comedic end. We see Winston as this conservative reserved man, able to speak eloquently about an absurd situation while still feeling quite strongly about it. In this story the man in the samurai suit is this sort of "other". He represents a strange and conspicuous avocation or sorts (if I am reading the script correctly). So, to turn this whole idea of "the other" around, perhaps you can close with a sudden and nonchalant display of something very outrageous that our man Winston considers an ordinary part of his low-key lifestyle. Perhaps some sort of sexual perversion, like a fetish like another man dressed as a stereotypical cowboy whom Winston makes advances at who has been in his apartment this whole time. Sorry I have to go, but you see where I am going. Love to hear back.
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I think you may have read an earlier draft because in the final draft (which has now been filmed twice) the final shot reveals that the guy in Samurai armour is just out promoting a new Japanese restaurant ;)
 
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Dude! Hell yeah! I don't check screenwriting threads all that often, so this one slipped under my radar. Or, maybe it's cuz I was, uhh, umm, on "vacation" for about a month. :blush: I like the IT collaboration, especially considering those who are involved. Looking very forward to seeing it!
 
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Ok quick update on this. Nick doesn't know it himself i think :)

I reedited this a couple of times. Fixed the colour, used the new score by John Pearson and worked on the framing a bit more. I will show this to Nick and he will tell me if it's ready or not !
 
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Phil_UK said:
Ok quick update on this. Nick doesn't know it himself i think :)

I reedited this a couple of times. Fixed the colour, used the new score by John Pearson and worked on the framing a bit more. I will show this to Nick and he will tell me if it's ready or not !
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Yay!

I just need to download Skype onto my new laptop... one sec :P
 
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