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watch The Dumpster - A Short Comedy

garylloyd said:
Cantiflas is a legend and I really should have included him.

Also, Telemundo has some amazing comedy, I just wish I understood enough Spanish to get it all.
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Hey tnx for the honest reply ;)
Even though I think Telemundo has changed for the worst with their shows. Now they are going for the cheap laughs - tits, ass and fart jokes...

I'm working on a script but it is not a comedy. It's a drama. It will have some laughs in the beginning but the mood will change 1/3 of the way into it. I will post the script for everyone to see and hopefully positively critique. It won't be for a couple of days though.
 
LasVegasIRA said:
If you truly believe this, Gary, you will NEVER be a good director.

You keep talking about how great Chaplin was. He never used dialogue, and yet he got the point across every time... You're continuing to contradict yourself, Gary...
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That conversation is over.

Where's your script?
 
joey1320 said:
Hey tnx for the honest reply ;)
Even though I think Telemundo has changed for the worst with their shows. Now they are going for the cheap laughs - tits, ass and fart jokes...

I'm working on a script but it is not a comedy. It's a drama. It will have some laughs in the beginning but the mood will change 1/3 of the way into it. I will post the script for everyone to see and hopefully positively critique. It won't be for a couple of days though.
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Love to see it.

Please post it.
 
garylloyd said:
I told him exactly what he needed to do with his script and gave him step by step instructions a child could follow, but he blew me off. Then he began attacking me like a mad dog.

The two complications he has in the thing are anemic. His photography of them is excellent but what he doesn't seem to grasp is that's not enough.

Basically, he took a simple idea and filmed it. That's all he did.

I can almost see him at breakfast one morning: "Hey, let's make a movie of a guy who tries to dump his trash in his neighbor's dumpster and gets caught"

Buddy: Ok -- let's do it!
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You absolutely did. I disagreed, and put in my unsolicited 2 cents. It's a discussion; opposing viewpoints are what it's all about, and why we're here! I don't think there's anything wrong with a simple idea, doubly so for a short, triply so for a short comedy. I thought his actor was fine for the role, and the music WAS overblown, but intentionally so.

What I think you missed out on is what he was going for. I didn't read your scripts; I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say you understand comedy. But there are many many different types of comedy, and your suggestions are basically saying "don't do this type...do something else". It's sort of like if I handed you a piece of orchestral music and you said to me "that's a TERRIBLE country song".

Oh, and Skream, welcome to the board, I promise it's not always like this ;) Made for a very short competition makes sense. I don't know that you could have gotten it under 2 minutes, but you could have probably gotten a little closer. Everyone agrees that your photography is really good, so I understand why you don't want to see it on the cutting room floor, but don't be afraid to cut stuff that you like, in order to get what you're going for in the big picture. Leave 'em wanting more!
 
JoshL said:
You absolutely did. I disagreed, and put in my unsolicited 2 cents. It's a discussion; opposing viewpoints are what it's all about, and why we're here! I don't think there's anything wrong with a simple idea, doubly so for a short, triply so for a short comedy. I thought his actor was fine for the role, and the music WAS overblown, but intentionally so.

What I think you missed out on is what he was going for. I didn't read your scripts; I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say you understand comedy. But there are many many different types of comedy, and your suggestions are basically saying "don't do this type...do something else". It's sort of like if I handed you a piece of orchestral music and you said to me "that's a TERRIBLE country song".

Oh, and Skream, welcome to the board, I promise it's not always like this ;) Made for a very short competition makes sense. I don't know that you could have gotten it under 2 minutes, but you could have probably gotten a little closer. Everyone agrees that your photography is really good, so I understand why you don't want to see it on the cutting room floor, but don't be afraid to cut stuff that you like, in order to get what you're going for in the big picture. Leave 'em wanting more!
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It wasn't a comedy.

The premise was comedic, BUT HE DIDN'T DEVELOP IT!

(actually, he did develop it -- but not as well as he could have)

He want's us to believe there was something else going on in it of a higher concept than rank comedy, but there simply wasn't.

He wants us to believe it was satire -- a commentary on the human condition -- but it wasn't.

He spent about five minutes on the script and wants us to believe it's a masterpiece.

This kind of thing needs to stop.

Screenwriters write the first draft then spend weeks -- months! -- tweaking it. He didn't do that and none of these indie kids do that and it shows!

They get their crew and equipment set up then pause a moment to write a few lines of dialog, shoot it, write a few more lines, shoot it, and so on until they've got 120 minutes of footage.

That's not writing, that's typing.
 
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garylloyd said:
He want's us to believe there was something else going on in it of a higher concept than rank comedy, but there simply wasn't.
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He never said that.

garylloyd said:
He wants us to believe it was satire -- a commentary on the human condition -- but it wasn't.
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Again, he didn't say that.

garylloyd said:
He spent about five minutes on the script and wants us to believe it's a masterpiece.
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Don't recall him saying that either.

All he said was "here's a film we made, it got played in a few festivals, some people liked it and I hope you do too." Not once did he claim it was anything more than it was. And you know what? It's a big world, there's room for that kind of thing. He had an idea and made a movie. He made it available for others to see. Will his next be better? Definitely, we all learn with everything we do.

Don't like it? Don't watch it. Think the indie world needs to change? Change it by making your own movie. Can't find anyone to produce one of your scripts? Ask yourself why.
 
Okay, Gary. Just to shut you up, here's my short:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZzwGCG1zxA

I don't know how to attach a script. If someone wants to tell me how, I'll do it.

And here's the first video I ever made:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEaQWtpO_PQ

You should be able to find all sorts of things wrong with this one, too. There's no plot and the ADR is so far off, it's hard for me to watch! But at least I made something. I wrote it, I produced it, I filmed it, I edited it, and I put it out there for others to see.

How many films have you made again?
 
garylloyd said:
Thanks.

Do you have a script yourself you could post?

I'd like to see how quality humor is done.
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Yep, but the script isn't finished.

And I'm not a good writer lol. You're definitely better than me, but so are 90% of the people on here, but that doesn't mean they're good writers. And I apologize, I didn't mean to sound like I'm challenging you.

Also, my intuition is good enough to decide whether something is funny or is not funny. Your script was average IMO. I can see the Hanging man and Diva being average shorts if shot correctly. (Even though I didn't like Hanging man, or w/e it's called.) Average isn't bad Gary, your idea of it is. I'm not making fun of your scripts.

We are all liable to interpret your scripts differently without its visuals and sounds. Maybe with your interpretation of the script it can be really funny, Idk, that's why it's important to shoot the script, and make a finished good.
 
LasVegasIRA said:
Okay, Gary. Just to shut you up, here's my short:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZzwGCG1zxA

I don't know how to attach a script. If someone wants to tell me how, I'll do it.

And here's the first video I ever made:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEaQWtpO_PQ

You should be able to find all sorts of things wrong with this one, too. There's no plot and the ADR is so far off, it's hard for me to watch! But at least I made something. I wrote it, I produced it, I filmed it, I edited it, and I put it out there for others to see.

How many films have you made again?
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Wow!

Just watched Surbuban Romance and loved it!

That's what comedy is all about.

Perfect in every way. I wouldn't change one thing.


Seriously, Las Vegas, shorts don't get much better than that.
 
I have no interest in a pissing contest. If you're interested in reading the script I am currently producing, it's already readily available on the boards.

Feel free to give me your opinion on it, but I would prefer if you do it in this thread or via PM, the thread where the script is posted is a production thread, and I don't care to have it derailed.
 
Just watched "The Sitdown" ...

You get so many things right I really had to pay attention to what you got wrong. Just two things:

1. The kid's dialog needs to be tweaked. He's is wordy at times and other times uses the wrong English level.

2. The old guy plays it too cool in the end. He should have freaked out and started begging for his life or something like that.

But ...

Everything else was absolutely perfect!

This is quality work and your sense of humor works wherever you attempt it.

For example, in the opening scene with the loud rock music, just as I said to myself, "Turn that shit off" the old guy turns and says, "Turn that shit off!"

Laughed my ass off at that.
 
Dreadylocks said:
I have no interest in a pissing contest. If you're interested in reading the script I am currently producing, it's already readily available on the boards.

Feel free to give me your opinion on it, but I would prefer if you do it in this thread or via PM, the thread where the script is posted is a production thread, and I don't care to have it derailed.
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Link ...?
 
Wow!

Just watched Surbuban Romance and loved it!

That's what comedy is all about.

Perfect in every way. I wouldn't change one thing.


Seriously, Las Vegas, shorts don't get much better than that.
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I'd like to announce that I'm now offically on Gary's side in this debate... :lol:

In all seriousness, if you truly liked the short, I'm glad. Thanks for the compliment. But I have to say that I'm cautiously waiting for the other shoe to drop...
 
Vegas, I saw both shorts and I like "the sit down" more.

It's crazy that you had to dub both voices, if you hadnt said that, I wouldn't have been able to tell. The voices were too loud for the most part and as Gary mentioned, the way the old man played it at the end was too relax. If he had started yelling at the hitman, telling him how he would regret it and such, it would had been better. Plus you already know the lighting was subpar but that's neither here nor there.

I enjoyed "suburban" but I think you could had made it a bit more fast paced. I was expecting the husband to look back, see his wife, see his unruly kids and say, "hey F it, my name is johnny" and take off with the girl. But as it is, it is a funny short.
 
joey1320 said:
Hey tnx for the honest reply ;)
Even though I think Telemundo has changed for the worst with their shows. Now they are going for the cheap laughs - tits, ass and fart jokes...

I'm working on a script but it is not a comedy. It's a drama. It will have some laughs in the beginning but the mood will change 1/3 of the way into it. I will post the script for everyone to see and hopefully positively critique. It won't be for a couple of days though.
Click to expand...

Say, if you're Latino I don't know why you didn't like the DIVA.

Didn't I get the Latinos right?

I know there's a huge difference between Mexicans and PRs (I'm from New York), but I thought I got the Latino flavor down cold.
 
Awesome job Vegas. Suburban was spectacular. There was a lot of detail, from body language to gestures. You got a great eye. It was hilarious. I loved the wife. I was keeling over.

And the ADR on the Sitdown isn't so horrible. It's better than the in camera sound I go with when my audio fails.

Great job buddy. Great job indeed!!
 
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