This is a film I produced in conjunction with the New York Film Academy this summer:
Download WMV here (via FileFront)
Download WMV here (via FileFront)
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watch "Soft Spot"
- Thread starter bensmerglia
- Start date
Ehhhh...
-Your film was aggrevating to watch - plain and simple. I'm not going to cut it down as far as camera movements, angles, editing, ect; that's not where the problem is. The only troubling issue with your filming technique is, in fact, the bland and obvious way in which you've filmed everything (aside, of course, from the intermittent and useless gittery zoom). The real problem here is what you've dropped, plot wise, into about four minutes of film: Not only is your story...well, cheesy, and I'm going to assume concieved in all of six seconds, but you deliver what should only suffice as a set up to an actual story as the entire thing. It's unsatisfying, downright boring infact, as the story is so simple that anyone with an ounce of wit to them could figure the whole of your picture not long after you'd just set the movie up. Your lead character, the hit man (A hit man, really? In those carpenter shorts? And, no personal offence to him on the hair, but I could see that kid coming from Magic Kingdom) didn't seem like one so much as the guy who'd play hackie-sack in your dorm hall. The plastic knife didn't help much either(Yes, yes, I know, MGM, no weapons - get the shot of your sweet carpenters outside the park).
- But who is this hit man...really...as a human being...emotionally? Not that anyone would really care much - it's an indi - but all we know is that he digs hanging out at light poles and forcing his face into ridiculous contortions(Although I didn't get what it meant to the movie, it sure made me laugh). And then, welp, time to kill a girl...for no given reason...cause it's, what, more poetic that way?...Easier to write, anyway. Guys,...you lost me at girl gives hippy a poloroid; it doesn't stick, doesn't do a damn thing. That's a big setback if you're working with a story that makes the last episode of Dora The Explorer sound challenging. We don't know what made that hippy a hitman, we don't know why he would want to kill instead of picking up the adorable target, you're making the biggest mistake young filmakers can make - you're showing us your peers on film; not characters.
- Here's another pointer - if you're making a film where character's don't speak, but emote, and the tone is set by music, aside from color, contrast, ect, Don't use one song for the entire picture. If you've got flaccid on top of flaccid, at least break it up somewhere. Soft spot...possibly the most fitting title imaginable. Anyway, I guess I should be honest - I wasn't much for your movie. I know, I know, not the end of the world. I'm not cinematically genius, no, but I'm smart enough to know a seriously pointless picture when I see it. I'm just trying to help you out. Well, half trying to help you out, the other half is just for my nerves sake. But, hell, what do I know? You guys go to NYFA!!! You write screenplays in your sleep and crap celluloid! Tell Scorsesse I said HI when you run into him round campus aye?
-Your film was aggrevating to watch - plain and simple. I'm not going to cut it down as far as camera movements, angles, editing, ect; that's not where the problem is. The only troubling issue with your filming technique is, in fact, the bland and obvious way in which you've filmed everything (aside, of course, from the intermittent and useless gittery zoom). The real problem here is what you've dropped, plot wise, into about four minutes of film: Not only is your story...well, cheesy, and I'm going to assume concieved in all of six seconds, but you deliver what should only suffice as a set up to an actual story as the entire thing. It's unsatisfying, downright boring infact, as the story is so simple that anyone with an ounce of wit to them could figure the whole of your picture not long after you'd just set the movie up. Your lead character, the hit man (A hit man, really? In those carpenter shorts? And, no personal offence to him on the hair, but I could see that kid coming from Magic Kingdom) didn't seem like one so much as the guy who'd play hackie-sack in your dorm hall. The plastic knife didn't help much either(Yes, yes, I know, MGM, no weapons - get the shot of your sweet carpenters outside the park).
- But who is this hit man...really...as a human being...emotionally? Not that anyone would really care much - it's an indi - but all we know is that he digs hanging out at light poles and forcing his face into ridiculous contortions(Although I didn't get what it meant to the movie, it sure made me laugh). And then, welp, time to kill a girl...for no given reason...cause it's, what, more poetic that way?...Easier to write, anyway. Guys,...you lost me at girl gives hippy a poloroid; it doesn't stick, doesn't do a damn thing. That's a big setback if you're working with a story that makes the last episode of Dora The Explorer sound challenging. We don't know what made that hippy a hitman, we don't know why he would want to kill instead of picking up the adorable target, you're making the biggest mistake young filmakers can make - you're showing us your peers on film; not characters.
- Here's another pointer - if you're making a film where character's don't speak, but emote, and the tone is set by music, aside from color, contrast, ect, Don't use one song for the entire picture. If you've got flaccid on top of flaccid, at least break it up somewhere. Soft spot...possibly the most fitting title imaginable. Anyway, I guess I should be honest - I wasn't much for your movie. I know, I know, not the end of the world. I'm not cinematically genius, no, but I'm smart enough to know a seriously pointless picture when I see it. I'm just trying to help you out. Well, half trying to help you out, the other half is just for my nerves sake. But, hell, what do I know? You guys go to NYFA!!! You write screenplays in your sleep and crap celluloid! Tell Scorsesse I said HI when you run into him round campus aye?
that's gotta be one of the most constructive first posts I've ever seen...
I liked the film. Seems like a good start. Great cinematography! I would have liked the shot of the polaroid a little tighter so we could recognize the girl. Good warm filmic color.
You could have gotten away with renting a technicrane for a shot or two in there and nick cage would have been better in the lead role...sorry, I got caught up in the fervor!
I liked the film. Seems like a good start. Great cinematography! I would have liked the shot of the polaroid a little tighter so we could recognize the girl. Good warm filmic color.
You could have gotten away with renting a technicrane for a shot or two in there and nick cage would have been better in the lead role...sorry, I got caught up in the fervor!
Yikes, somebody has their ornery pants on.
I didn't like it story wise. No empathy for the protragonist and it seems contrived that the only reason he didn't kill her is because he fell in love with her. Then we have him pulling the blade out again in front of the woman who hired him? What was he going to do, kill her?
Cinematography was not to my liking either. Using the zoom is a good way to get that 'home movie / family footage' feel and I don't think you wanted that. Find the cameras optimal setting and then don't touch the zoom. Turn the autofocus off too while you at it.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, at least you're out there doing it.
I didn't like it story wise. No empathy for the protragonist and it seems contrived that the only reason he didn't kill her is because he fell in love with her. Then we have him pulling the blade out again in front of the woman who hired him? What was he going to do, kill her?
Cinematography was not to my liking either. Using the zoom is a good way to get that 'home movie / family footage' feel and I don't think you wanted that. Find the cameras optimal setting and then don't touch the zoom. Turn the autofocus off too while you at it.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, at least you're out there doing it.
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Here at Indie Talk we like our members happy and our criticism constructive. A film can be broken down without breaking down the filmmakers and producers.
That's all I have to say about that.
Ben, while I don't agree with the way akinnetz criticised your work, I do agree with some of his/her basic criticisms. The film has no purpose other than to tell a story that is instantly predictable. The cinematography borrowed heavily from other films, but it fit the theme. The acting (especially from the lead actor) was over the top. And this seemed more like a set up for something bigger rather than a complete work.
You did this in a film course, so the goal of the project was to learn something. My advice, take all criticism (good, bad, constructive, whatever) and learn from it, and next time prove the critics wrong.
Poke
That's all I have to say about that.
Ben, while I don't agree with the way akinnetz criticised your work, I do agree with some of his/her basic criticisms. The film has no purpose other than to tell a story that is instantly predictable. The cinematography borrowed heavily from other films, but it fit the theme. The acting (especially from the lead actor) was over the top. And this seemed more like a set up for something bigger rather than a complete work.
You did this in a film course, so the goal of the project was to learn something. My advice, take all criticism (good, bad, constructive, whatever) and learn from it, and next time prove the critics wrong.
Poke
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thank you all for your criticism, i think it was all very fair and balanced
i would like to point out that the film had a 2 1/2 hour shooting limit and the story was prepared earlier that morning only because I had no idea what sets were available to us until then, given more time i probably would've have had more time to prepare empathy, etc...
a little trivia for you...the scene where the hitman stages the bump-in with the girl was originally scripted as about 20-30 shots..but because of time constraints we had to do that man on fire zoom and do it all in one.
btw, for whoever asked...the hitman pulls the knife on the hit contractor as a sort of threat like "i could kill you if you ever try to hurt her" sort of a thing.
again, thanks for your comments everyone!! (yes, even akinnetz :-] )
i would like to point out that the film had a 2 1/2 hour shooting limit and the story was prepared earlier that morning only because I had no idea what sets were available to us until then, given more time i probably would've have had more time to prepare empathy, etc...
a little trivia for you...the scene where the hitman stages the bump-in with the girl was originally scripted as about 20-30 shots..but because of time constraints we had to do that man on fire zoom and do it all in one.
btw, for whoever asked...the hitman pulls the knife on the hit contractor as a sort of threat like "i could kill you if you ever try to hurt her" sort of a thing.
again, thanks for your comments everyone!! (yes, even akinnetz :-] )
-- Sorry for my nastiness; quitting smoking --
I understand that you were pretty much whipping this one up - more of an excercise than a project. In that case, hey, not bad. It's just that I wouldn't post it if that's the case. This site bares a plethora of pretty decent films, and tossing your morning warm up in the mix isn't a great idea. Anyway, I'm sure you're capable of better (You'd have to be, right? Sorry, I joke. I mean it more in humor than harm, really).
Goodluck in all else. And keep those actors of yours away from the bleach, aye?
I understand that you were pretty much whipping this one up - more of an excercise than a project. In that case, hey, not bad. It's just that I wouldn't post it if that's the case. This site bares a plethora of pretty decent films, and tossing your morning warm up in the mix isn't a great idea. Anyway, I'm sure you're capable of better (You'd have to be, right? Sorry, I joke. I mean it more in humor than harm, really).
Goodluck in all else. And keep those actors of yours away from the bleach, aye?
akinnetz said:
Don't discourage others from posting, especially those just starting out. It's really quite rude. So are your remarks. You are new here, so let me tell you, this isn't how we treat our members. We welcome beginners and professionals, practice films, first films, polished films, whatever. Got it?
indietalk said:
Oi, rightio govna! Much outta line me was, I reckon. Please don't boot me out, ol chap! Gots no place t'go ya see - and the rickets I got is sure to take me life over a single night on the cold streets!
::Bows and removes cap:: Bless you Sir!
And then little Collin scurried off and away to find his bunk mate and longest friend in the sleeping quarters.
It was a small area in the attic of the Anselman orphanage, tiny and dark but for a few flickering candles. Those who were not writing letters to their imaginary parents were sleeping. There, tucked away in the darkness, Collin found Nigel and gave him a right giddy greeting.
"Alo chap! Master IndieTalk say I can keep me bum round the yinnie for a toot!"
"OI!" Said Nigel "That's bloody brilliant of em, a right charming ol bloke is he!"
"Yeah, not a bastard like old Robbins!"
Both Nigel and Collin lived under Old Robbins at the yorkshire household as tots, and he was widly known to be a cruel and torterous man. On many occaissions he forced all the boys in the house to sleep upon the roof. Only by sleeping he meant hitting themselves in the faces with bricks. It was a rotten way to get a good nights rest and left the two lads we presently speak up somewhat deformed to date.
"What do you suppose we to do tomorrow?" Asked collin of his friend.
"Guess we could jimmi the ol wanger up in the dilly, grab a bit a jub-jub and wind on a messing a lolliflog, aye?"
"What the fuck did you just say?"
"I don know..."
"Right."
The END!!!!!!!
akin, i gotta be honest- i didnt really think you were that out of line--and anyways if i cant take criticism id never make it as a filmmaker...
also, i just now noticed you had said something earlier about how i only used one song- i had 2 in mind but the rules were one song...
also, i just now noticed you had said something earlier about how i only used one song- i had 2 in mind but the rules were one song...