archived-videos Short Film- Forsaken Road

Beatlesfan1225

Beatlesfan1225

Hey Everyone,
I'm a pretty active indietalk user, it's helped me so much the past 6 months. I am a high school film maker, and this short film is my first film ever. While it has its cheesy parts and issues, I think it's a fantastic first film and I'm excited to share it with all of you. I learned a lot about film making from making it, and that will carry over to my next film!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_Zq6sPACQo



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_Zq6sPACQo


I added the link because all I see for the Youtube link is a white box, but I'm guessing that's an issue with my Adobe Flash..
 
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OK, good story mostly.
Technical issues you probably figured out.

Costuming, makeup and more distressed locations would have really helped sell this, it was an awfully clean character in an awfully bright and clean world that was supposedly dark and dirty..

Something to help your actors.

Fatigue is not desperate. If the guy was hungry, he wouldn't just wiggle his hands in the water a few times and sigh. HE'D JUMP IN, wallow around, digging for crawdads, eating snails etc. Get dirty! Don't worry so much about dialogue, just get the PHYSICAL action happening, teenage boys are much better at that part then delivering lines.

Take the scene in the car, I love that setup, its classic, the guy waking up almost surprised me. Though, you kinda foreshadowed a bit heavy there.. anyway. That scene could have rocked WITHOUT any dialogue but just physical activity and groans. You started to add energy when the lead jumps out of the car and rushes to the back seat, but then you lose that momentum in that plodding conversation that had no purpose other than to tell use about bandits. That scene could have moved MUCH faster, there is no sense of DESPERATION. I know youll say its the actors, but its not really, its the director. Make them move, make them squirm. Hands slamming the bandage onto the bloody wound, frantically searching the case for the tape, dropping it and spilling it all over the pavement, grabbing the shirt, shaking the guy awake (not snapping fingers) ...


In general your film plodded along from lack of physical energy being excerpted by your actors. MOVE MORE, MOVE FASTER and CUT FASTER. This film should have been about 2 mins long, maybe 4, but 13 mins.. way too long.
 
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Thanks wheatgrinder, I appreciate your honestly, and I feel that will help me a lot... I think my duty as a director is to push my cast out of their comfort zone, which I attempted to do, but I ended up backing down. Based on my actual negative budget, I think that my costumes and what not were about as good as I could have had them, but I intend to put more money aside on my next film for stuff such as this.

For my first film, I think it's good, but there is a LOT of room for improvement. Either way, I'm happy I made it, each time I'll get better!
 
Beatlesfan1225 said:
Thanks wheatgrinder, I appreciate your honestly, and I feel that will help me a lot... I think my duty as a director is to push my cast out of their comfort zone, which I attempted to do, but I ended up backing down. Based on my actual negative budget, I think that my costumes and what not were about as good as I could have had them, but I intend to put more money aside on my next film for stuff such as this.

For my first film, I think it's good, but there is a LOT of room for improvement. Either way, I'm happy I made it, each time I'll get better!
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Im just discovering this my self too, getting others out of their comfort zone means getting out of mine!

I do call baloney on the costumes excuse. Dirty clothes are easy to make, just ask your mom! (sorry I'm presuming you live at home and have a mom)
 
wheatgrinder said:
Im just discovering this my self too, getting others out of their comfort zone means getting out of mine!

I do call baloney on the costumes excuse. Dirty clothes are easy to make, just ask your mom! (sorry I'm presuming you live at home and have a mom)
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Yes, what I mean is that my costuming could have been better to make them look more "60'sish" I guess, either way, yes throwing quite a bit of dirt and tearing up the clothes probably would have helped significantly.
 
a fun thing to do in the editing is to play thumping techno as you manage the scene transitions and have everything happen snippity snap.

I appreciate the historicalness and the storyline. (it's not like you just copied a video game or something)
 
Sidewalkbowling said:
a fun thing to do in the editing is to play thumping techno as you manage the scene transitions and have everything happen snippity snap.

I appreciate the historicalness and the storyline. (it's not like you just copied a video game or something)
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That's a great idea! I'll play around with that in editing, thanks!
 
I agree with Wheat's post. I thnk its spot on. I would add that I'm not sure what the story is about. I understand they find the map and are going to take the road. But why? Maybe I missed it.
 
Murdock said:
I agree with Wheat's post. I thnk its spot on. I would add that I'm not sure what the story is about. I understand they find the map and are going to take the road. But why? Maybe I missed it.
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Well when they are talking about the map they talk about how certain areas of the map haven't been rediscovered so to speak, so they don't know if they've been hit yet. They take the map with the intention to follow the road and pick up where the other person left off on searching the US for any life.
 
Beatlesfan1225 said:
Well when they are talking about the map they talk about how certain areas of the map haven't been rediscovered so to speak, so they don't know if they've been hit yet. They take the map with the intention to follow the road and pick up where the other person left off on searching the US for any life.
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Cool. Thanks
 
In the 70's they were putting movies that looked like this in theaters. So you're already a filmmaker. Now it's just a matter of time until everybody realizes it!
 
Great analysis from wheat. I think you could have cut it down considerably and it would have worked better, but for a first film this is fantastic.

(I've fixed your embedded video in the original post :) )
 
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