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Please Review My Screenplay

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I used to export scripts into a format that Microsoft Word can open. The grammar check in Word wasn't perfect, but it helped sometimes.
Do you read a lot, like other scripts or books?
 
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You have already heard this before, but grammatical errors make it hard to read. The 2nd line of dialog is:

"Why were you all fight?"

Continuing on, there are more errors.

I am not sure if the story is good, because the grammar makes it tough to continue.

I'm glad buscando continued on.
 
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That's something spellcheck would not catch, because fight is a word, but it should be fighting. Don't always rely on spellcheck, make sure you read through a few times. Often you are blind to your own errors, I've read over things multiple times and missed obvious errors, or sworn they just appeared out of nowhere. :lol: Another is:

"Hey, I wasn’t fighting. I wasn’t apart of this."

Should be "a part"
 
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Interesting intro... not a whole lot happening, but you do introduce Max and Nathan.
Technically, you might wanna capitalize the names of the characters the first time you mention them, and give us their age: MAX (18)

For extra brownie points, condense the first 10 pages and include more action and thoroughly introduce your main characters.

Also, describe the characters a bit: what are they like? Rebel? Cool? Introvert?
Right now they all seem the same--blank slates.

For example: A girl walks up to them. What is she like? What does she wear? We know she prefers the company of ladies, but paint a brief picture of her, and use some of their dialogue to help us get to know them better.
 
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Krios said:
Interesting intro... not a whole lot happening, but you do introduce Max and Nathan.
For extra brownie points, condense the first 10 pages and include more action and thoroughly introduce your main characters.
Click to expand...
Do you think there would be enough action if the fight at the beginning had more detail?
Maybe if each kid was doing something interesting in the fight that says something about their personality/character?
 
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buscando said:
Do you think there would be enough action if the fight at the beginning had more detail?
Maybe if each kid was doing something interesting in the fight that says something about their personality/character?
Click to expand...

For sure. As it is now: there's a fight. teacher shows up. they are in the principal's office.

Descriptions are good to give the reader an idea of what's what as far as script goes, but that might not make it into the film, so try to work your descriptions into character dialogue and behavior.

NATHAN
Ever since Tristan's parents divorced he's been bullying kids at school.

Maybe a simple example, but it says something about Tristan and his motivation for being a pushover.

Give us a synopsis of the story, so that we can put things in perspective. And if you have a bible for the characters, figure out what each character is like (shy, confident, confused) and show that in the script through dialogue/action.
 
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Remember guys it's only 10 pages not the full script. The character develops during the course of the story.

Some bullies have no motive. At least you wouldn't know. If he's a bully you and the person are not friends so you wouldn't know if there are problems in the household or not. You just have to accept that he is a bully. I was trying to keep it realistic.
 
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