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Overusing words in action lines - "look" "sit"

The script I'm writing is more action than dialogue. Problem is, I'm starting to notice I overuse words like "look," "sit," "stare" and I'm only 25 pages in.

The way I've learned to avoid using "sit" is simply to drop it out:

EX1:
Sally sits at the kitchen table.
change to
Sally at the kitchen table

EX2:
The whole family sits at the table table, with the exception of Margaret, who organizes the silverware.
change to
The whole family at the dinner table except Margaret, who sets the table.

But you'll notice how the latter sentences just sound plain awkward. So, I'm not sure what to do.

I avoid using "look" by just finding relevant synonyms: gawk, glance, gape.
Thing is, I'm still finding that "look" is a much more appropriate choice.

Any advice?
 
Well, it's not part of the dialogue so it shouldn't really matter.

I'd be careful about whipping out the Thesaurus because the last thing you want to do is make it sound pretentious. If 'sit' or 'stare' is the most appropriate term then use it.
 
Nah, you aren't bad Murdock, not by a long shot. I've seen overuse in the past that has left me utterly confounded.

Lately I've seen so much of it that I'm honestly and regrettably (even shamefully) just so burnt that I can't even offer my thoughts on the matter for fear of something in my mind snapping. :lol:

(I'm not even kidding this time.)

-Thanks-
 
Do something like this: the family is sitting at the table...to "the family members are in the dining area happily enjoying their meal." choose words that force the reader's imagination to rely on what's normal behavior so you don't have to state it.
 
If I were to read this script I would be fumbling with your descriptions. Why would you word it "with the exception of Margaret"? What we see on the screen is a translation from what is written on the page. It would be obvious that Margaret isn't sitting at the table so in my opinion you don't need to use the word "exception".

Depending on how you use and introduce the characters (Margaret's family) I would simply say.

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

Margaret's family sits at the dinner table in silence. They watch Margaret place the silverware in front of them.

Margaret studies each of them out of the corner of her eye...

I don't know. Something like that...
 
The family's at the kitchen table. MARK wolfs down spaghetti like a voracious animal, practically wearing more than he eats. SUZIE daintily sips on chardonnay and rolls her eyes. BRANDON chugs a beer, then slams the mug triumphantly on the table, startling everyone.


Just paint a picture. Don't like sit or look? Give them something else to do that reveals character and sets the tone for their dialogue.
 
If I were to read this script I would be fumbling with your descriptions. Why would you word it "with the exception of Margaret"? What we see on the screen is a translation from what is written on the page. It would be obvious that Margaret isn't sitting at the table so in my opinion you don't need to use the word "exception".

I was just making shitty examples on the spot. It's not actually part of the script. :lol:
 
You want to be careful with using adjectives, and never use an adverb. Adverbs are supplements used to make the wrong verb fit. Take for example the following lines:

The family sits around the kitchen table - sterile, specific, bland, free of any sense of mood

The family relaxes around the kitchen table - psudo-specific, interesting, more visual

By changing one verb you are probably visualizing them sitting anyway because most people dont relax standing let alone if they are at their kitchen table. We also know the mood of the scene and how the characters are relating to each other at the moment.

The family hoards around the kitchen table - less specific, more interesting, more visual

Similar to the previous example but now I don't know if they are sitting. The more colorful verb implies a much more elaborate visual. Now there is crowding, perhaps reaching. The mood is hectic.

Use verbs that don't need adverbs. Be selective and sparing with adjectives.

Good luck


Edit: You may also want to check out http://tagcrowd.com/ to visualize what words you are using and how often.
 
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You want to be careful with using adjectives, and never use an adverb. Adverbs are supplements used to make the wrong verb fit. Take for example the following lines:

The family sits around the kitchen table - sterile, specific, bland, free of any sense of mood

The family relaxes around the kitchen table - psudo-specific, interesting, more visual

By changing one verb you are probably visualizing them sitting anyway because most people dont relax standing let alone if they are at their kitchen table. We also know the mood of the scene and how the characters are relating to each other at the moment.

The family hoards around the kitchen table - less specific, more interesting, more visual

Similar to the previous example but now I don't know if they are sitting. The more colorful verb implies a much more elaborate visual. Now there is crowding, perhaps reaching. The mood is hectic.

Use verbs that don't need adverbs. Be selective and sparing with adjectives.

Good luck


Edit: You may also want to check out http://tagcrowd.com/ to visualize what words you are using and how often.

Never say never. You use your style, I'll use mine. How a character does something is often more important to revealing nuances and painting an image than simply stating what the character does.

Someone should tell these guys that they shouldn't use adverbs:

PROLOGUE

FADE IN:

EXT. XANADU - FAINT DAWN - 1940 (MINIATURE)

Window, very small in the distance, illuminated.

All around this is an almost totally black screen. Now, as the camera moves slowly towards the window which is almost a postage stamp in the frame, other forms appear; barbed wire, cyclone fencing, and now, looming up against an early morning sky, enormous iron grille work. Camera travels up what is now shown to be a gateway of gigantic proportions and holds on the top of it - a huge initial "K" showing darker and darker against the dawn sky. Through this and beyond we see the fairy-tale mountaintop of Xanadu, the great castle a sillhouette as its summit, the little window a distant accent in the darkness.

DISSOLVE:

(A SERIES OF SET-UPS, EACH CLOSER TO THE GREAT WINDOW, ALL TELLING SOMETHING OF)

The literally incredible domain of CHARLES FOSTER KANE.

Its right flank resting for nearly forty miles on the Gulf Coast, it truly extends in all directions farther than the eye can see. Designed by nature to be almost completely bare and flat - it was, as will develop, practically all marshland when Kane acquired and changed its face - it is now pleasantly uneven, with its fair share of rolling hills and one very good-sized mountain, all man-made. Almost all the land is improved, either through cultivation for farming purposes of through careful landscaping, in the shape of parks and lakes. The castle dominates itself, an enormous pile, compounded of several genuine castles, of European origin, of varying architecture - dominates the scene, from the very peak of the mountain.

DISSOLVE:

GOLF LINKS (MINIATURE)

Past which we move. The greens are straggly and overgrown, the fairways wild with tropical weeds, the links unused and not seriously tended for a long time.

*********************************

1 FULL SCREEN PHOTOGRAPH

grainy but unmistakably a man and woman making love.
Photograph shakes. SOUND of a man MOANING in anguish.
The photograph is dropped, REVEALING ANOTHER, MORE
compromising one. Then another, and another. More moans.

CURLY'S VOICE
(crying out)
Oh, no.

2 INT. GITTES' OFFICE

CURLY drops the photos on Gittes' desk. Curly towers
over GITTES and sweats heavily through his workman's
clothes, his breathing progressively more labored. A
drop plunks on Gittes' shiny desk top.

Gittes notes it. A fan whiffs overhead. Gittes glances
up at it. He looks cool and brisk in a white linen suit
despite the heat. Never taking his eyes off Curly, he
lights a cigarette using a lighter with a "nail" on
his desk.

Curly, with another anguished sob, turns and rams his
fist into the wall, kicking the wastebasket as he does.
He starts to sob again, slides along the wall where his
fist has left a noticeable dent and its impact has sent
the signed photos of several movie stars askew.

Curly slides on into the blinds and sinks to his knees.
He is weeping heavily now, and is in such pain that he
actually bites into the blinds.

Gittes doesn't move from his chair.
 
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Any common word is a chance to add character. And if all of your characters just "look", they are all the same - are they all the same?

Part of the problem may be that these are *non-actions* - when someone is already seated, there is no action (and this violates my Sit & Speak Rule - characters need to be moving while speaking or you have a pile of static shots), and is someone is just standing there looking - no action. Try not to write a still picture, write a movie. When people are moving, they move in different character-oriented ways... and finding that specific type of "walk" that shows character is an important part of writing the script.

I see common words as an opportunity to find a character-related word.

- Bill
 
I agree with you, if you keep using the same words it gets redundant and sometimes it seems like a chore to read the script itself.
I know many (hired) readers that can back up what I just said.

Using gawk, glance, stare instead of look, or stagger instead of walk over makes it a fun read. It also adds to the character's personality sometimes.

Readers also don't like to see camera angles or directions in the script. I thought I'd just throw that out there.

I'm not a professional reader or anything, I'm just regurgitating what have heard from them.
(see how I used regurgitating instead of repeating :D)
 
You don't want purple flowery prose, but contrary to what some people said in this thread,
you don't want boring words like "sit" "walk" etc. used over and over again.

That makes for a very boring read and quite frankly is very amateur.

You must change the words and act like a thesaurus.

Instead of a prose writer who might describe in sentence(s) how someone sits down in a chair,
a screenwriter will do this in one or very few words.

They don't "sit" in chairs, they "slouch down" or "fall" etc.
Characters don't walk to the store, then walk home, then walk to the mailbox, then walk inside, etc.
They might walk once, but then they are padding, or trudging, or trekking, etc.
 
Never say never. You use your style, I'll use mine. How a character does something is often more important to revealing nuances and painting an image than simply stating what the character does.

Someone should tell these guys that they shouldn't use adverbs:

Please understand that this is not a question of style. It is a mater of right and wrong. Good composition and poor composition.

As for telling the authors you cited, I would tell them myself but they are dead. I would point out that an established writer getting away with something doesn't mean that anyone can nor does it make good writing. Compare the samples below.

Original:
All around this is an almost totally black screen. Now, as the camera moves slowly towards the window...

Sans Adverbs:
All around this is an almost black screen. Now, as the camera drifts towards the window...

Both samples are articulate, both generate the same visual. Black is totally black. Drift implies slow movement. Drift may not be the perfect verb but this is a quick pass. In case you missed it, I shaved 2 words out in the process.

The important thing to bear in mind is that the correct verb doesn't need an adverb. Adverbs are the band aid to a broken description. If you think the inclusion of an important script makes your case more compelling allow me to quote another writer.

"I am dead to adverbs; they cannot excite me … There are subtleties which I cannot master at all — they confuse me, they mean absolutely nothing to me — and this adverb plague is one of them" - Mark Twain​

No need to point out that Twain included an adverb. The irony isn't lost on me. It also doesn't negate the point so much as articulate the scope of the problem.
 
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Please understand that this is not a question of style. It is a mater of right and wrong. Good composition and poor composition.

As for telling the authors you cited, I would tell them myself but they are dead. I would point out that an established writer getting away with something doesn't mean that anyone can nor does it make good writing. Compare the samples below.

Original:
All around this is an almost totally black screen. Now, as the camera moves slowly towards the window...

Sans Adverbs:
All around this is an almost black screen. Now, as the camera drifts towards the window...

Both samples are articulate, both generate the same visual. Black is totally black. Drift implies slow movement. Drift may not be the perfect verb but this is a quick pass. In case you missed it, I shaved 2 words out in the process.

The important thing to bear in mind is that the correct verb doesn't need an adverb. Adverbs are the band aid to a broken description. If you think the inclusion of an important script makes your case more compelling allow me to quote another writer.
"I am dead to adverbs; they cannot excite me … There are subtleties which I cannot master at all — they confuse me, they mean absolutely nothing to me — and this adverb plague is one of them" - Mark Twain​
No need to point out that Twain included an adverb. The irony isn't lost on me. It also doesn't negate the point so much as articulate the scope of the problem.

Sorry, but that's still opinion and cannot be taken as gospel. And it is absolutely a matter of style. ;) You may as well tell a carpenter to build a house without a hammer. These are tools of written language that can make the difference between clarity and vagueness. It's not all black and white. There are shades of gray. Sometimes it is necessary to specify what shade.

EDIT:

Won best original screenplay last year:

EXT STREET/DAWN

A grainy, low-resolution view, seen from sixteen inches above
street level. And we’re moving fast -- nauseatingly fast.
From this angle close to the ground we FLY down a road strewn
with war garbage: munitions, trash, rubber, animal shit --
all of which, from this odd, jarring perspective, looks
gigantic, monstrous.

We zoom towards a crumpled COKE CAN, the white ‘C’ growing
enormous on the screen, filling the screen like a skyscraper.

We SMASH into the can and barrel ahead.

A RAG flutters, blocks the view, then tumbles away, as we --

-- zoom downhill, see nothing but gray sand, then zoom back
up hill and off, catching air, a flash of the horizon line,
BRIGHT SUN, and land hard on a packed road.

We close in on one particular pile of trash, which is topped
with a white plastic garbage bag, and stop. Puffs of dust
and fluttering plastic.

We glide across the fluttering plastic. Flies buzzing.
Advancing slowly, inch by inch, to the edge for our first
glimpse inside the bag:

A RUSTY ARTILLERY SHELL.
 
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Sorry I know we should write in the present tense ,but I get
a lot of ING words . I try to change but sometimes I feel the meaning is lost
so pl what should I do? Any suggestions
padma
 
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