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new and free!!!!

don patterson

don patterson

I have visited, watched, swapped, commented, read the work of others over the past decade (that I have been on Indietalk). Yeah, I do not create many new threads or write on a lot of threads, (I do through E-mail and private mail -- cause their are so many great minds on this site and I like to learn & share).

I now need your help. AND your great minds!

It is NEW AND FREE! DEATH WALKS BEHIND YOU.

Visit and view our TRAILER. This is my first attempt at making a new movie since 2006 and could be my last (I am 61). It is only 4 1/2 minutes long. I promise you will not be bored. The copy is also very short! Does it work?

Feel free to make it viral (that would be a dream come true for cast and crew). Critique(s) are welcomed -- we are not soft-skinned (we want to get better at what we do). We have not started this production, while we wait for the greenlight -- we keep polishing the script. And polishing. And polishing. With more read-throughs planned. We have a great cast & some great locations. We are going for perfection.

Please -- give us 4 1/2 minutes?

Thank you. Thank you. And. Again. Thank you.
 
Thanks IndieBudget.

But if you could get critical, if you were to change anything or several things -- what would they be?

Graphics? Lettering? Voice over? Pace? Camera work? Quality of audio or image? Trying to learn with everything I do. I know somewhere in that 4:28 clip, there are weaknesses in the trailer, cast commentary and pledge assortment. Also in the copy.

Yes I am limited by equipment and available footage (we have not started the production yet). But we are also limited from our own artistic abilities. What would you do differently?

Thanks for any responses.
 
Hey Don, first of all, congrats on getting geared up for this. A huge undertaking at any age. :)

I don't typically like to review people's stuff because, well, who the hell am I to say anything? Since you seem genuinely interested, I'll toss in my first impressions.

I like the premise; I think it has potential. Reminds me a bit of A Simple Plan, with a Robin Hood twist thrown in.

Overall, until I was about halfway through the trailer I thought this was a comedy. Eventually it dawned on me that no one was saying anything funny. I think the reason I felt that way was largely your choice of music. The images throughout most of the trailer were not dramatic at all -- just everyday people doing pretty ordinary stuff -- yet behind them was this HEAVY thriller soundtrack that was so out-of-place it seemed intentionally designed to elicit a laugh. First thing I would recommend is to replace the music with something a bit more appropriate for your visuals.

Second, I wasn't able to get a sense of the story from the trailer. It wasn't until I read the synopsis afterward that it made sense. The guy finding the money was the first truly interesting plot point shown in the trailer, but we don't see it until halfway through, or so it seemed (only watched once, so these are first impressions). I would open with that image; pique our interest right away. And choose dialogue segments that tell the story as well as add drama.

Anyway, those are my "big picture" observations. Take or leave 'em as you please.

Good luck on your campaign!!!
 
I think 2001 has some good points and would like to add that i think the length may be an issue.
Personally, i do not mind watching a pitch that is 5 mins long but i do fear that these days attention spans are way too short. I think you may get more views and interest if the whole thing was shortened. Starting off with something that grabs them, 2001's idea for example, and then holds them there for the rest of your pitch.

Other than that, i wish you the best of luck and hope your project is successful!
 
Don,

There's certainly a fair amount of passion and effort put into this. :yes: I really hope you make the goal!

Agreed with above. Good points.

There seemed to be parts where reading text, watching images and listening to voiceover were competing with each other, making the message difficult to follow.

The footage, which I'm guessing is SD, didn't pull me in and, to me, made it feel dated. Could use some basic color correction and filters to make it pop. Is this actual footage from the movie-in-progress?

Maybe cut a 3:00 minute version and see if the message comes though even clearer and experiment with different music?

Much success to you and your team! I know it's anything but easy.
 
Thanks 2001, Ernest & Flicker. Great comments and suggestions.

I have a hard time thinking out of the box sometimes. I am taking notes. Please feel free to take the trailer/cast commentary/pledge gifts, 4:30 video apart.

Maybe if I work backwards with footage and try some different music?

Flicker, how was the voice over? Would it be better adding the text to voice and removing text all together? And yes, my cameras are all SD... unfortunately, DVcam, (while hoping for a EX-3 or C300 down the road when we start production).

As 2001 suggested "just everyday people doing pretty ordinary stuff" was my goal -- until the money is taken @ deserted farmhouse, need to make it more lethal at the end or start it lethal?

The trailer is only 1:28. I added 1:40 of cast commentary because so many on Kickstarter do that (it is recommended by the kickstarter staff). I included 1:00+ of showing pledge gifts because there is no other way to do that on site.

I appreciate all comments and suggestions, for we have never done one of these before, so I rely on the work I have seen by others on kickstarter (the successful and the flops). Also played with trailers created by 'Hollywood' like Tinker, Tailor, Solder, Spy (although they had the production done and millions to spend in design).

True, you can tell those with the most money going into the project based upon the quality of equipment, however the success has not necessarily been due to image quality alone but what the story is about and how it is presented. So, I am all ears. How do I present better? Thank you.

So please, suggestions and comments are welcomed. I am far removed from quitting. I am learning!

I am going to shut up now and just listen, (please I am not thin-skinned)!
 
OK, give me a blast of emotion right at the start. A scream, the gal w/ the knife. I might suggest have the music give more of a punch to increase the emotion. If I just listen, it is flat. I want to be shocked by listening. Needs more in the sound dept Im thinking. The sound / music is good, but not fitting of something that will scare me. Visually well shot, still needs more punch visually. the lady says she "a sexy single working woman" I never saw that. YES Id like to have a nice chat w/ her if she was sitting at a bar, but gimme some sex appeal ! ( I will say nothing about needing boobs & lesbos so Flicker keep quiet )

Passion, emotions, fear, suspense...gimme !!!!
 
It's a cool concept/story.

There are many who made good comments and I just add one thing: Pace.
The pace is too slow for trailers. It should be much faster and many cuts. If you don't have the footage, make it 30-60 seconds only.

A good dialog between two actors would have been nice to see as what's going on...
 
I always suggest spending a few hours researching for useful elements found in successful KS film campaigns.
http://www.kickstarter.com/discover/categories/film & video/successful?ref=more

Steal their ideas.
Apply them to your own campaign.



Also, for future reference, it might be better if we sought the IT's collective wisdom before assembling and publishing future KS/IGG campaigns.
I absolutely loathe going back and re-doing work.
I done did it once.
I don't wanna do it a second time. Or third.

Just an idea.



EDIT: Having just looked over a few hundred of those films on that never ending list of successful KS film campaigns I noted your $40,000 was among the highest donation goals.
So, I hunted down other $$whopper$$ film campaigns. There might be something good in those for you to swipe.
http://www.kickstarter.com/discover/categories/film & video/most-funded
 
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$42,000 is an awful lot of money and, as it currently is, I'd say there's very little chance of you reaching that goal. The trailer is fine except for how dated the whole thing looks. Honestly it looks more like an 80's TV movie than something shot in the age of DSLR and REDs.

My recommendation is to create a new video, asap. I'm sure you can get hold of a T2i or a 5D quickly and cheaply. Just shoot something with your actors that gives people an idea of what the movie is about but, crucially, looks good. People aren't going to invest in you if your previous work doesn't look like it's keeping pace with contemporary output.

My second recommendation is to reshoot the interviews. Keep the focus on you and perhaps one of the actors (I'd recommend sitting you down together so there's a bit of banter). Make it a bit lighter (tonal and cinematographically) and show passion for the project but also humility and a sense of humour. There's nothing really wrong with the interviews as they are at the moment, except for the fact that they're all a bit po-faced and I'm not sure what's up with the guy chewing a toothpick during the interview. If you wanted to have the cast perform in character then that might work, but otherwise it just looked a little odd that suddenly he was chewing a toothpick.

I only make these recommendations because I spend a lot of time looking at, analysing and backing campaigns on Kickstarter. I wrote an article on how to create a successful campaign that I recommend you read, not because it's a brilliant piece of writing, but because it outlines some crucial ingredients to a successful campaign.

But, yeah, please remember that I'm writing these things because I really want your campaign to succeed but I know how tough it is. Honestly, I think you need to make a lot of changes before you can consider getting anywhere near $42,000 (and that might mean starting from scratch with a lower goal)...

I threw $10 your way to get you started ;)
 
All of these comments are fantastic! Okay. Surface some facts from my side.

Having never done Kickstarter before, I knew in advance that there was much I needed to learn. Good, bad and ugly. I learn from doing, unfortunately I am stuck with the camera(s) I have and not those I dream about, (sigh, not rich or famous).

Yes, DEATH WALKS BEHIND YOU is a good story with an interesting cast -- but I have 27 other pretty good scripts (work from the last 7 years of my life) screaming to be made. I had to start somewhere.

If DEATH WALKS BEHIND YOU does not get funded (probably will not) I think I will start another kickstarter campaign with another script at a smaller funding price using all the comments made above (and hopefully more below).

Going into spring/summer, I may try to do two trailers a month for different scripts with different actors -- they get the DVD-Rs for their personal reels...

Any additional thoughts or comments? Please remember, I am NOT thin-skinned. Gotta think out of the box! Appreciate your comments. And. Once again, thank you.
 
but I have 27 other pretty good scripts (work from the last 7 years of my life) screaming to be made.
Click to expand...

Amazing, Don! If I could only be as prolific. Wow. Very impressive.

If I might make a suggestion (no, I'm not a professional, but I play one on TV;) why not shop all those scripts around instead of trying to make them yourself? You're sitting on a statistical goldmine. Do you have a manager helping? I mean, seriously, I can't even write 1 script in four years and you have 27 on deck? --gulp-- Was just at a filmmaking group last night where a guy has been working on a script since 1983 and has never finished one. Another woman has been struggling to get her script into shape for the past 10 years. And you have 27? You win! Way ahead of the curve. (again, in my unprofessional opinion)

I'm going to make a leap here and say that if all the scripts are even in decent shape that your chances of finding a home for at least 1 of them (even 2) is pretty good.

Sure, put your kickstarter campaign together for the script you are most passionate about and try to make that film on your own, but get those other 27 out there into the market somehow, someway. Loglines, 1-page synopsis and a query letter. Email blasts and some cold calling. Put a website together with the library of them, if you don't already have it. Call in all favors. Ever hear of InkTip.com? Check it out. http://inktip.com I had The Sleeping Deep up there and got some queries from companies, but I only had that ONE script. Something to think about for your 27.

All features I'm assuming?

Well, my 2 centavos mi amigo. Hope this makes some sense?

Oh, and check out this brand new post on GoIntoTheStory.com "Facing the Odds"

http://gointothestory.blcklst.com/2012/03/the-business-of-screenwriting-facing-the-odds.html

Food for thought. Grist for the mill.
 
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Flicker Pictures said:
If I might make a suggestion... why not shop all those scripts around instead of trying to make them yourself? You're sitting on a statistical goldmine. Do you have a manager helping?...

I'm going to make a leap here and say that if all the scripts are even in decent shape that your chances of finding a home for at least 1 of them (even 2) is pretty good.
Click to expand...
Agent, not manager.
And this is actually a pretty good idea.

Granted, it's a long shot to sell a spec script, but anyone creative enough to cultivate more than a handful of decent premises into full screenplays - combined - with a director/producer's financial sensibilities knows some of the stories in the portfolio are inherently more or less expensive to effectively produce than others.

Retain those your're realistically likely to be able to direct/produce yourself.
Market those you're realistically not likely to be able to direct/produce yourself.

And for God's sake, use any proceeds to buy an HD camera, man! ;)

GL
 
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talent_agent#Difference_between_agents_and_managers
 
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From my unprofessional inexperienced understanding, a MANAGER is trying to sell your skills and an AGENT is trying to sell your product. That's probably simplifying things and maybe it's the other way around?

Mick, you have a manager, right?

I'm ignorant. Ejumakate me.
 
Yeah, I have a manager. And he has - to quote Ray's Wiki link - "the authority to make deals" for his clients.

According to him:

The advantage of having a manager is much more "hands-on" career guidance -- usually fewer clients, ergo more personal representation.

The advantage of an agent is they do nothing all day except establish and nurture relationships with buyers, so they have a much broader base of sales contacts -- usually do not work directly with clients on developing material.

Having both is ideal, of course. But landing a good agent is tough.
 
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