This is the end of my short story script, with a mob boss talking to his enforcer
In the read through with the cast, nobody liked that last line. One of my friends joked that it sounded like something cobra commander would say
So the mob boss actor changed it to "I don't need a diplomat"
Not a bad alternative, but I think it's too weak for ending a story on.
Raises the question, well then what does he need? And also I feel like a mob boss should be more direct about his needs and give specific orders.
So any ideas on what this last line should be?
BARRY
A few of my men were arrested in Baltimore.
I need someone I can trust, to ensure our operations in the city proceed on schedule
CLARK
Im not much of a diplomat.
BARRY
Then rule with an iron first.
In the read through with the cast, nobody liked that last line. One of my friends joked that it sounded like something cobra commander would say
So the mob boss actor changed it to "I don't need a diplomat"
Not a bad alternative, but I think it's too weak for ending a story on.
Raises the question, well then what does he need? And also I feel like a mob boss should be more direct about his needs and give specific orders.
So any ideas on what this last line should be?