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Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC said:
I am shortening text to focus on the promise of The Singularity, which has major benefits both for the military and deep space exploration.
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I can maybe see deep space exploration in some form, but major benefits for the military? I don't think you really understand the singularity, and I don't think it makes a good focal point for the premise of your film... or really any film, for that matter.

In cosmological terms the 'event horizon' of a singularity is the point we can't see beyond because even light is prevented from escaping the singularity's gravity.

It means essentially the same thing when used in reference to the technological singularity - it's the point we cannot see beyond. The reason we cannot see beyond it is that the changes which happen will be so significant as to be essentially beyond our comprehension; nothing that humans have experienced or known till that point would provide us any sort of reference for imagining what that future will be like after it.

The problem with this as a film premise should be obvious - how can you imagine the unimaginable?

The reality is your film depicts a future in which the singularity hasn't happened yet. You've got cyborgs that look and act pretty much like humans do now, and the humans in your film do the same. There's basically nothing much there that's significantly different from our current reality, it's just a basic hypothetical progression of current technology and research.
 
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I wish we could have shot the entire 40 minute production. It covers why cyborgs act human. They do it purposely in an effort to blend in with humans. As Roberta tells Artemis, "As much as I miss that world, we never fit in with humans." Going to another planet with humans, Delta Four is another chance for them to get along with humans.

Part of that was revealed when Artemis talks to the cyborgs about getting along with the humans. And, when Major Summer Storm asks her group, "Why are y'all the lapdogs of the humans?'' And, General Angela Bruno replies, "Because we want them to feel safe." The cyborgs co-exist in human worlds. They learn by observing humans. And, they learn faster than humans. They were built in the image of humans, only super-sized, so they rationalize humans will feel less threatened if they behave like humans.

It is part of the "Species Threat" that is being further developed in the next script.

There were great areas I wanted to be part of the film we never got to film due to divas and bad weather. I am hoping we can shoot some of those scenes next year.

You may not agree with the use of The Singularity in the Military. But, they are developing advanced AI and AI killing machines.

I agree with the way the original The Day The Earth Stood Still Ended. The humans came to a point in their civilization where they turned their world security over to their AI machine and robots like Gor. AI sees beyond human feelings, preconceived notions, and religious barriers to do the right thing.

That's why in my story bible Delta Four and the Rebooted Earth will turn over global security for both the police and military over to the AIs. The machines will work towards human survival to the point of holding the destructive nature of humans in check. And, at the same time, protect the humans from outside hostiles, such as evil ETs.

When I sent the package to the producer in Los Angeles along with a link to the 22 minute pilot he viewed on IMDB, I sent along a copy of the screenplay to the film for the 40 minute version, so he could see what else I wanted to film.

The 5 minute preview for the series is his idea. He used to work as a director of development for a major studio. So, I trust his judgement and suggestion.
 
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There is unimaginable technological breakthroughs in the next script I am working on as well as the story bible due to The Singularity.

Just in the next script alone we have cyborg clones with parallel consciousnesses, a character goes from 100% human to 100% artificial cyborg and changes in her personality are explored, Angela Bruno determines Ares is a threat to humans and the cyborgs must protect the humans from Ares. So, she invents a cyborg vision upgrade to "see" Ares in whatever shape he shifts into based on the science of Kirlian Photography for Cyborgs to finger print life forces, Angela invents Tachyon Transmitter / Receivers not only for communications, but for cyborg clones to share their life experiences worlds away in different solar systems, the cyborgs are building biospheres on Earth and cloning humans to live inside the biospheres to give humans a second chance on Earth, and lot more. So, there are great events inside the story bible and next script to look forward to enjoying.

And, that's not including a future script in the story bible of a joint operation between Delta Four and Earth to send a robotic AI spaceship with a cyborg crew on a journey to the center of our galaxy to find "the first humans." With two Earth-like planets supporting two different kinds of human species, both world wonder what else is out there in the center of our galaxy. So, they work together on an exploratory mission to find out.
 
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Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC said:
You may not agree with the use of The Singularity in the Military. But, they are developing advanced AI and AI killing machines.
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Again, I don't think you understand the singularity.

A phrase like "the use of The Singularity in the Military" doesn't make any sense. The singularity isn't a thing, and it can't be 'used' by anyone. It's a point in time, but it's not even really a specific point in time. It's simply a historical reference point, and only has meaning for those looking either forward or back from either side of it. We're arguably in the fringe of the event horizon right now, but it's not something you can really see clearly while you're in it.

And in all likelihood the distinction between humans and machines will be lost. That's why I consider your film pre-singularity - it's about humans and machines as distinct entities. There's us, and the things we create, and a conflict between the two. That's simply a projection of our current society and technology, not a significant change to our fundamental reality.

Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC said:
There were great areas I wanted to be part of the film we never got to film due to divas and bad weather. I am hoping we can shoot some of those scenes next year.
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My biggest point of feedback on what you have now is that you do too much explaining of what's going on, and despite that it's still convoluted and confusing. Adding in more explanation is only likely to make that worse, not better. Too much of your story is being told right now, rather than shown, which is the wrong approach for a visual medium.
 
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ItDonnedOnMe said:
Again, I don't think you understand the singularity.

A phrase like "the use of The Singularity in the Military" doesn't make any sense. The singularity isn't a thing, and it can't be 'used' by anyone. It's a point in time, but it's not even really a specific point in time. It's simply a historical reference point, and only has meaning for those looking either forward or back from either side of it. We're arguably in the fringe of the event horizon right now, but it's not something you can really see clearly while you're in it.

And in all likelihood the distinction between humans and machines will be lost. That's why I consider your film pre-singularity - it's about humans and machines as distinct entities. There's us, and the things we create, and a conflict between the two. That's simply a projection of our current society and technology, not a significant change to our fundamental reality.



My biggest point of feedback on what you have now is that you do too much explaining of what's going on, and despite that it's still convoluted and confusing. Adding in more explanation is only likely to make that worse, not better. Too much of your story is being told right now, rather than shown, which is the wrong approach for a visual medium.
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First off, congratulations on being one of the very few people who understandis there should be a difference in the behavior between humans and cyborgs. When the lawyer I have lined up thought there was not enough tongue and cheek between the cyborgs and human males, I knew he wasn't getting the concept of a cyborg. He didn't think the cyborgs were acting "human" enough.

My next script is called, I, Creator 3 - The Singularity because of a character who believes she is a cyborg with a human brain. But, she is actually all machine with a possible soul, life force, consciousness. So, that will be a clear case of the lines between what is human and machine blurred.

Too much explaining is the problem with too short a time limit, rather than no time limit for the story to unravel. It was done with the unaired Lost In Space Pilot, where narrations were used to squash the first nine episodes into a 48 minute unaired pilot and other introduction films for series. It is like a trailer in that regard. So, that is not an issue judging from the number of these that sold series. Also, a script consultant suggested adding the narrations in the beginning and end to streamline the story for the series.

I want to complete the full 40 minute production next year and show it in its' entirety at NATPE next summer. It may be edited down to 30 minutes to help the action scenes. I'll know more if and when the time comes.
 
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Itdawneduponme, I want to thank you for your input in getting me to think more.

I value your input.

You just gave me some good ideas for the five minute preview.

I know I can be like Doctor Who some times babbling too much.

I am glad you have got me thinking.
 
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Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC said:
I need to fix it up as best as possible before I turn it over to a music composer.
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At the moment there are just a few temp SFX and ambiances, the dialogue editing isn't complete and hasn't been processed, balanced or put into perspective yet and of course there is no sound design or mix as yet. So, maybe it would be better for me to comment when you have at least a preliminary or "first draft" mix.

Normal workflows dictate that the scoring and audio post both start at the same time (when the picture edit is locked), Film/TV composers are therefore used to getting the final picture edit with just the unmixed, unprocessed sync dialogue and temp SFX (if any) dumped in by the picture editor. The composer usually only gets to hear any of the audio post after they have already completed and submitted their score so, what you have now, is fine for the composer to work with.

G
 
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Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC said:
I just re-edited the visuals based on ideas from ItDawnedUponMe because some stuff was too over said.

Since this is for a series, I have lots of films ahead to show what was said, as a film critic pointed out.
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It's Donned - not Dawned.

And I think that's a bad way to look at it. I personally lose interest in a film when it relies too heavily on expository dialogue, and once I've lost interest in the first episode what are the chances I'll continue watching any more episodes? My point is that you don't need to tell the whole story or premise up front - in fact you want to tell just enough to get people wanting more.
 
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I was told to dumb down the story by someone in the production of the 22 minute pilot. But, I'm not. The plot had to be simplified enough when we had to strip out characters from the script because of issues with actors. The was still enough left for a story because the script had layered characters and a layered story.

I think it will be a better film and possibly a remake with more footage. I have my fingers crossed we will be able to shoot it next year.

I enjoy "Off camera scenes" on television where scenes are spoke about and not shown to squeeze more story in a budgeted time slot. For those who think they can turn off the volume and just watch the pictures on TV shows, they are missing a good part of the stories.
 
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I consider the first Matrix movie the best movie in recent years along with Surrogates.

For TV series, year one of Terminator The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

The common denominator is they all have layered stories.

In writing forums I'm on we are discussing the differences between writing for a series and a one shot story.

One of the best off camera scenes done on a TV show was on Smallville in the Season 7 episode called, "Kara". It is the second episode of the season.

The scene is in the Kents barn when Kara finally believes her cousin Clark that their home planet, Krypton exploded and they have no home to return to.

Kara's telling Clark what he lost with family on Krypton was very moving without visual aids. Her acting and emotions sold the scene without visuals.
 
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Okay,

I'm working on the sound.

I think this may end up with a better sound design than the 22 minute version.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zL7m_cscHII

I want to smooth the sound of the ship jumping to a worm hole better.

Any suggestions to fix it up better?
 
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I will save, die hard science fiction writers say the following about science fiction films that make the films more like science fantasy:

Rule #1

Space is one big vacuum with no air. That means sound has no way to travel.

How many science fiction TV shows and films break this rule, like I did, and add sound effects to outer space scenes like engine sounds, laser fire, and explosions?

Rule #2

Deep Space Travel

Send humans away in freezing tubes

Really? Think of the culture shock after decades or hundreds of years. There is also lethal radiation outside our atmosphere, not to mention a prolonged change in gravity can have ill effects.
 
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Here is a good benchmark for me to work with for a 5 minute preview.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3UvVWcD91Y&feature=related

See how the story is guided through by narrations of the lead character?

My story has several lead characters. So, they all need to be introduced with their stories in the 5 minutes of preview for the series.

I only wish I had additional footage to show what the future holds, rather than having to put in a card.
 
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