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I'm tired, depressed, and about to lose hope.

F

firefox

Short Film (Why is my story weak? )

IMPORTANT UPDATE:
The story has been modified and you can find it on page 3 or by clicking this link
http://www.indietalk.com/showthread.php?p=160107


I don't know why every time I come up with an idea, it sounds boring to whoever I send it. I don't know why I can't seem to write the story clearly on papers as it is clear on my mind. I never took a screenwriting class, nor am I doing this for a living. This is a hobby (Making short films), but I love it so much.

Let me tell you guys what I have in mind, hopefully someone here will help me succeed. This is for a short film 3 minutes long.

This is my theme: I'm trying to show how some people waste their time playing video games by going over the limit. The issue here is addiction and poor time management.

- Who is the main character ?
Safaa - Male

- What is this story about ?
This story is about an addictive guy who loves playing video games 24 hours a day. He becomes connected to his favorite game 'Fight Night Round 3' that one day sees himself fighting with his best friend on a boxing ring 'Dreaming' . When he wakes up, he sees blood on his face realizing everything that happened was a dream and that the blood was a result of him punching himself unconsciously.


I added twists to the story 'A dream inside a dream', but I didn't write everything here. This is more like the summary of ACT 1 and 3. I didn't mention anything about ACT 2. I want to make sure the story/idea is good first.

What can I do to make the ending better or the story as a whole?

Thanks!
 
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I'm back from getting my novel out and about. And it is.

Cracker Funk:
"And that's what the OP's story should be about -- excess. That's the protagonist's dilemma."
​
A guy sitting tapping on a controller for 24 hours isn't so much a protagonist as furniture.

The main problem with this project is that there is no protagonist trying to do anything in particular (except play a videogame). Hence, the suggestion to shift focus.


"In about twenty years, you'll finally understand the addage (sic), "the more you learn, the less you know". It seems like right now, you just know everything."
​
This is argumentation, grasshopper? That cliche from the bumpersticker on the back of the Funkmoblie? Hey I got one for ya: "Don't trust anybody over thirty!"

As I recall, the thread started as a result of writer's block. The block is related to the choice of protagonist being a complete douchebag. There's no way to avoid that unless he's not the protagonist. There's nothing heroic whatsoever about wasting away clicking at a screen. It can't be made heroic. It's also visually stagnant. These are the things I brought up in the discussion. You, who accused me of adding nothing, has added what?


Murdock:
"Wait a minute!! This guy gets four pages of sugar tit for complaining about not knowing what to do. But I can't get much of anything when I'm working on an actual project?"
​
Que project?


As for the Firefox thing, there's an issue with "it's his girlfriend from another state..." How would the audience know this?

As for the story... I guess it could be considered cute that there's some unanswered mystery at the end. I don't find that compelling enough to shoot the thing though. If you have a boxing ring location at your disposal, you could do a LOT more with it than this.
 
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"Then some of the folks responding here don't have access to it because it's in the Premiere section. "

Correct.


C-Funk:
Never mind. I just don't have the time or inclination. Pearls and swine and all (that one in your fortune cookie jar?)


Has Firefox responded about the boxing ring yet? I've got some ideas...
 
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VPTurner said:
Ummm... Your screen name is Cracker Funk and you have a baboon for an avatar. :rofl:

Just noting the irony. :)
Click to expand...

I do not see the irony.

You're cool, VP. But for some reason I can't figure, polfilm likes to take jabs at me. Why? Cuz I play video games? WTF?!

Baboons are badass. Also, the name of my production company is obviously intended as a fun tongue-in-cheek kind of thing. I'm not sure how any of this has any bearing on basic manners in public forums.
 
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I have a motion question

i just joined this Indietalk.com and really dont know where to post a question ... here it goes ... i have a simple question for you ... in motion when i hit the apply button whatever im applying is applied to where my play head is .... how do i change that so that when i apply something it is just applied to the selected layer .... thank you very much ...

if anyone can help with this ... i would really appreciate it ... thank you all ...
 
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Cracker Funk said:
I do not see the irony.

You're cool, VP. But for some reason I can't figure, polfilm likes to take jabs at me. Why? Cuz I play video games? WTF?!

Baboons are badass. Also, the name of my production company is obviously intended as a fun tongue-in-cheek kind of thing. I'm not sure how any of this has any bearing on basic manners in public forums.
Click to expand...

Apologies. The premise of the article was hiding behind obscure avatars and false names. Wasn't trying to ruffle feathers. I'm probably among the few who actually uses his real name as a screen name.

BTW, I not only play them, but my company is in a large part responsible for their success. We're in two of the three major gaming consoles and God only knows how many PCs.
 
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VPTurner said:
Apologies. The premise of the article was hiding behind obscure avatars and false names. Wasn't trying to ruffle feathers. I'm probably among the few who actually uses his real name as a screen name.

BTW, I not only play them, but my company is in a large part responsible for their success. We're in two of the three major gaming consoles and God knows how many PCs.
Click to expand...

You're cool. No apology necessary, but thanks. Isn't that also your real picture? ;)
 
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Here's my input, objectionable or not.

You want to tell a story that revolves around the context of addiction, right? Why gaming, why not gambling? Why not take it to a darker approach and show the real truth about when addiction takes hold of a house hold provider. Gaming addiction is underrated to be honest and not as hard hitting to society (well it might be to the mothers of WoW players)

You added a twist of a dream inside a dream? Watched Inception lately? I'm sorry but it's not creative but more about scrounging ideas from everywhere you can and making a story out of it, just like how Frankenstein was created.

I recommend you take a look at your life at this present state and write something that is very close to you and making something meaningful out of it. This way you'll learn how to consume ideas and interpret them into words that make sense.

I highly recommend you buy this book ASAP and read it right now

http://www.amazon.com/Story-Substance-Structure-Principles-Screenwriting/dp/0060391685

Good luck
 
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