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video I would love some feedback on this proof of concept film, please

Hi everyone! Recently I posted a video on here, and on a few other sites for some feedback. Thankfully I received some great criticism on and off Indietalk. Due to this criticism I have completely re-done my proof of concept film / pitch. I have slowed the visual pacing, re-done the musical score to be less explosive, re-done a lot of the titles, cut away a lot of material and simplified the whole premise to just One movie and it’s One accompanying Album. As before it was a whole rollout of multiple films++. I would highly appreciate your opinions on this new version of the concept film. As I am aiming to send this to Grant organisations, possibly even to investors.

Humanity Movie and Album proof of Concept film / pitch:

Here is the full written pitch I recommended in the video for those “interested“ in the premise:

What I am going for in this proof of concept, is to encapsulate the largeness of the premise. As the purpose is to portray the Human mind through art. I would also love to know your opinions of the visuals themselves, how does this video make you feel? I am still working on many of these shots. Thank you for reading, all criticism and feedback is highly appreciated.

Sincerely, Asher.
 
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In my opinion, nothing that is shown conveyed a sense of what it is you say you want the film to be about. The graphics are nice. Some of them would make nice black light posters but I don't see how any of it has to do with humanity or the many aspects of humanity. It's all too unworldly to apply to existence on this planet.

Could I suggest you check out a film that is kinda-sorta similar to what I think you are trying to do? It is called Koyaanisqatsi. You can probably find clips from the film on youtube but to appreciate its power and emotional content, you would really need to watch the entire thing on a large screen. There is no dialog. It is all images and music.... There are copies available on Amazon.com for cheap.
 
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What I am going for in this proof of concept, is to encapsulate the largeness of the premise.

I personally did not get a sense of enormity

In the shots where you have huge area like mountains or sky... there is nothing else to juxtapose the scale.
A huge sky is a lot bigger when you have something really tiny inside it... like this shot in lawrence with how small the sun is vs the sweeping landscape and huge sky

 
In my opinion, nothing that is shown conveyed a sense of what it is you say you want the film to be about. The graphics are nice. Some of them would make nice black light posters but I don't see how any of it has to do with humanity or the many aspects of humanity. It's all too unworldly to apply to existence on this planet.

Could I suggest you check out a film that is kinda-sorta similar to what I think you are trying to do? It is called Koyaanisqatsi. You can probably find clips from the film on youtube but to appreciate its power and emotional content, you would really need to watch the entire thing on a large screen. There is no dialog. It is all images and music.

Hello Suspire! I hope you are having a nice time this day / night depending on where you are from. Thank you firstly for taking the time to watch my film pitch and for writing out your thoughts / criticism. Secondly I’m glad you think some of the graphics are nice, many are unfinished and in some cases the visuals are just storyboards. I’m glad to hear this.

I see from what you have said, in my pitch I haven’t quite got across the scale of Humanity which I desire to show. Or atleast that it’s a lot harder to explain it to viewers. You see the aim of the film and album is to portray Humanity in all its forms. This includes the space ships, other worldly aspects, things which don’t belong in our experience-things which we imagine-imagined things which still impact our reality. In other words I really am trying to portray, through art, the entirety of everything that could possibly be entailed in the word Humanity. Ofcourse I’ll fail to do everything, but it’s still the scale, even the doubt that viewers may or will have about the project while watching it will be presented in the film. It really is all-encompassing. Ofcourse I also intend to show visuals in the film of real humans, visuals people will be more familiar with, however I showed these other-worldly visuals first for a few reasons. Firstly because they are the ones I’ve been working on, secondly because I’ve tried to set the upper “range” of the experience. Kind of like showing people how The Humanity film will reach into the other-worldly imaginings, beliefs and views of that humanity.
For example, thirdly, the final “act” of the film and album will be a presentation of a viewpoint. About how all these experiences, views, beliefs etc that make their way into a persons mind throughout life become part of that persons own world. Their own mental fantasy realm, which in essence is the world but through their own eyes. This will also be about their dreams, their subconscious etc. Which visually and musically will make for quite some strange artistic stuff.

One of the feature films I made and released earlier this year, that this trailer (and the humanity film eventually) features
actually comes before this Humanity film story wise. This “half-origin” film explains how the main character, Soulor is bestowed a gift/curse. This gift is all the memories, experiences, viewpoints, eyes, strengths, weaknesses, emotions etc of all the people who ever lived or ever might live. Humanity. At the end of the film Soulor creates a new world from this gift / curse, and in this new world Soulor will journey through what he was shown. Humanity, through every humans eyes. The world he entered at the end of that film is called Humanity, and everything he interacts with is a part of humanity. Now this film is about that journey. But viewers won’t necessarily see him as a main character is usually seen(as a figure or being), as he was given all of humanities experiences etc, he in essence molds Into the world he explores. So the Humanity film itself is Soulor and the viewer is Soulor journeying through humanity. Weird stuff so I thought not to go into this at all in the pitch. As Im not sure it would make a difference if most of the audience even knows this. I don’t think it would change their experience of the film to know they are acting as Soulor exploring the gift / curse he was given.

This is all very hard to convey through a small pitch though XD and even a written pitch. I’m not quite sure how to perfect the explanation as of yet. In the end though it really is just a portrayal of everything Humanity. Everything.

I hope this makes a bit more sense now, but I do see how confusing it may be.

Also I did skim through the film you recommended! Definitely an art film that one, you are right it has a touch of what I’m going for. However really expanded to all of humanity, and the music and visuals being much more engaging. Maybe 2-3 hours long also. 2hrs 30 is my main goal.

Thank you again! Also this is a very long reply so sorry if you read through it lol.
 
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These images are from the films you already released. The skeleton with the hand out, the spinning ships in space, the man with the trumpet, the captain at the wheel of the ship, the live action. So how would this be a trailer for a new film called Humanity if it's literally just some cobbled images from your films? This to me looks like a demo reel of what you have done already. If Humanity is such a huge project and concept I don't understand why I am seeing the same images and why we are not seeing this new, fresh idea.
 
These images are from the films you already released. The skeleton with the hand out, the spinning ships in space, the man with the trumpet, the captain at the wheel of the ship, the live action. So how would this be a trailer for a new film called Humanity if it's literally just some cobbled images from your films? This to me looks like a demo reel of what you have dome already. If Humanity is such a huge project and concept I don't understand why I am seeing the same images and why we are not seeing this new, fresh idea.

Hi Indietalk! Sorry I realise after all this time I don’t actually know your name, I hope you are feeling well today! Thank you for reading and watching the pitch. You are right that these visuals are from my past films, in the pitch video I explain that some visuals are unfinished. Some are even storyboards. For example the animated film I made and that I feature here I always knew was far from the final product. As the film was made up of still images with just in motion aspects. That is just one reason for their re-appearances however. I also do intend to completely remake a lot of the animated / drawn shots you see into complete live action, or other worldwide art styles. Thirdly, the last film I made as I explained in my reply to Suspire is before this Humanity film in terms of story. At the end that film, since Soulor is bestowed all the experiences, memories, strengths, weaknesses etc of every human that ever lived or might live or didn’t live, he ends up creating a new world with this power at the end of the movie. (The Kings World: War of The Void my last film). This new world is Humanity in the form of a kind of planet / realm. So now in this new film he journeys through Humanity. So it is a continuation. That being said Humanity also acts as a stand-alone, because viewers don’t need to know about this backstory in the slightest. So Humanity acts as a fresh project while also being a continuation. Also in the humanity written pitch I do reference these past films featured in the pitch as proof of concept films, because they are the preceding films. Making them proof of concept. This is to show any grant organisations that I have begun the project and will finish it.

I hope this explains / answers your question :). If you have any more thought, or even criticisms and feedback I would love to hear it. It is all very helpful.
 
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I hope this explains / answers your question :). If you have any more thought, or even criticisms and feedback I would love to hear it. It is all very helpful.
I don't get once ounce of "Humanity" from this. It looks like a dream about a trip to space or another world and nothing at all to do with humanity or humans. 🤷‍♂️
 
Do you even know who the man with the trumpet is? You've used him as visuals in a few things and he just stands there. How is this "humanity?" Maybe you need to rethink the concept and promotion and promote this as some kind of dream world/experience.
 
I don't get once ounce of "Humanity" from this. It looks like a dream about a trip to space or another world and nothing at all to do with humanity or humans. 🤷‍♂️
I see that in this pitch the scale of Humanity I am trying to present isn’t being made clear. As you see this film and album is all about the dream / otherworldly aspects of Humanity just as much as the realistic parts. As I truly am trying to portray The Human mind as said in the trailer. Every view of the beginnings, histories, futures, arts, cultures etc etc to be portrayed through all the arts of the worlds cultures. So a project which in essence depicts Humanity from its top to bottom. Realism, dreamlike and beyond. Every concept any human has ever imagined. Ofcourse I’ll fail to get everything, but failure is apart of humanity so it will make its mark.
I hope this explanation clears it up a bit more, however I see now that the trailer doesn’t truly get the scope of the Humanity I Want to depict across.
 
You came up with your own style of animation with silhouettes, your own colors, and action. Okay great. Run with that. Visuals to music and your style. Letting the viewers interpret what they see, great. A trippy visual film that makes one think, or even, not think. But what you described, um no. You can't pitch what you pitched as such a huge scope and then just throw up some visuals and tell us it is up to us to interpret all of humanity. That's not what you described and you can't leave that all up to the viewer. YOU have to show us or else it is a cop out.
 
Do you even know who the man with the trumpet is? You've used him as visuals in a few things and he just stands there. How is this "humanity?" Maybe you need to rethink the concept and promotion and promote this as some kind of dream world/experience.
The man is Soulor, the main character of the films that come before Humanity which I released and this film. My most detailed character in many books I have published. What you see in this trailer is the few sides of humanity I have managed to depict so far. This being battle landscapes, fantasy worlds / imagined places, ghost like creatures, aspects of dinosaurs, fantasy like cities, mountains, landscapes, rivers, a medieval costumes character, fictitious space ships, a being that stands on a stone hand. In the stone hand enscribed words like death which will be visualised later. And above this hand a black hole which sucks in the stars of the universe, this visual representing a branch of nihilism. You see that re-occurring shot of the skeleton like being raising its arm is shown in a few different ways. As bright, golden and coloured, then as more fiery, all the way to dark and contrasted. This depicts the views of nihilism, as either a good thing, as destructive, as meaningless etc. In the final product these visuals will be expanded on and there will be music, songs etc to match it.

There are many more visuals in the trailer which depict many aspects of humanity. Everything any person sees or experiences is apart of the human experience you see.
‘I do understand if this is still very confusing though I mean. I’m honestly not sure how to describe it accurately yet. So far what has been made clear is that this pitch is doing very little to explain it and something must be done. For which I am thankful yet again :).
 
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Well I saw your other post too about multiple films on humanity and a tour and performances and the like. I guess all I can say is, best of luck. 🙄
Every aspect of that word, the vast histories, stories, viewpoints, records and cultures recorded within Humanity will be presented in a rollout of content.
and
The Rollout (Content):

HUMANITY The Movie
HUMANITY The Album
-HUMANITY:Africa (Film)
-HUMANITY:Asia (Film)
-HUMANITY:Europe (Film)
-HUMANITY:Oceania (Film)
-HUMANITY:North America (Film)
-HUMANITY:South America (Film)
-HUMANITY:The Reaches (Film)
-HUMANITY:Soulor (Film)
-Music Videos
-Short Films
-Performances
-Tour
-Other events
-Other material such as books and comics

The rollout will properly begin from 2023 to 2024.
 
You came up with your own style of animation with silhouettes, your own colors, and action. Okay great. Run with that. Visuals to music and your style. Letting the viewers interpret what they see, great. A trippy visual film that makes one think, or even, not think. But what you described, um no. You can't pitch what you pitched as such a huge scope and then just throw up some visuals and tell us it is up to us to interpret all of humanity. That's not what you described and you can't leave that all up to the viewer. YOU have to show us or else it is a cop out.
You are absolutely right to a certain degree except that I won’t be leaving everything up to the viewer to interpret. In the more detailed pitch I explain how I will show every view or as many worldviews as I can find exactly how those views want to be presented (to the best of my ability). So for example the nihilistic view of life will be presented in its different views. From people thinking objective meaningless frees them, to those who think it ends the point of living. This will be shown with complimentary visuals and music that suits what is shown. What will be up to the viewer is to choose what view they want to accept and what to discard, to interpret what views presented are favourable to them personally, not necessarily to interpret what it means. Although since this is about all of humanity including interpretation, at some points, some points that will be presented as well.
 
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Well I saw your other post too about multiple films on humanity and a tour and performances and the like. I guess all I can say is, best of luck. 🙄

and
Im thankful though that there was a lot of feedback and criticism about that so now I’m only doing the one main Humanity film and the album. After Which I re-edited that pitch into this slower one.

All In all Indietalk, I'm really glad you told me these things. I see there is still much explaining, refining and fine tuning to the pitch that needs to be done. For it to become comprehensible in the slightest. As of right now it must seem like a bunch of noise and aimlessness amiright?
 
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I'm curious about the scope of this project
My questions are...

1) Who is the target demographic you expect to watch this?
2) How many views do you expect to get?
3) Will you be putting money into marketing?
 
I personally did not get a sense of enormity

In the shots where you have huge area like mountains or sky... there is nothing else to juxtapose the scale.
A huge sky is a lot bigger when you have something really tiny inside it... like this shot in lawrence with how small the sun is vs the sweeping landscape and huge sky

Thank you greatly for this feedback! This video you sent really encapsulates that grandeur I hope to portray, along with the other aspects of humanity such as minimalism. Your feedback about having a reference point is critical, it’s such an obvious thing. It reminds me of the production of Hells Angels. If I’m right Howard Hughes shot one of the plane sequences in the sky however once reviewing the footage he knew something wasn’t right! There was no relative motion, so they re-did the scene with clouds in the background to get a real sense of scale and speed. A similar idea to what you laid out. Thanks sfoster!
 
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Thank you greatly for this feedback! This video you sent really encapsulates that grandeur I hope to portray, along with the other aspects of humanity such as minimalism. Your feedback about having a reference point is critical, it’s such an obvious thing. It reminds me of the production of Hells Angels. If I’m right Howard Hughes shot one of the plane sequences in the sky however once reviewing the footage he knew something wasn’t right! There was no relative motion, so they re-did the scene with clouds in the background to get a real sense of scale and speed. A similar idea to what you laid out. Thanks sfoster!
You should watch the whole film if you haven't seen it, it's long as hell but i loved it so much i watched it a second time the very next day.
That basically never happens with me.
 
I'm curious about the scope of this project
My questions are...

1) Who is the target demographic you expect to watch this?
2) How many views do you expect to get?
3) Will you be putting money into marketing?
I’m glad you are curious! That’s one of the few truly positive things I’ve heard so far out of this pitch lol. Here are my answers:

1)Who is the Target Demographic?

You see since the goal is to truly portray Humanity from its deepest depths to the highest heights, that does mean showing the darkest possible viewpoints on the planet, combined with the most loving. There will be a version of the film which is slightly nullified for YouTube which will still not be for kids. Although the nullified version will just be visually nullified, not musically. The completely uncensored film will be available on whatever sites allow it to be shown. So in essence anyone on the planet from any culture who is legally allowed to watch something like this. Most of Humanity.

2)How many views am I expecting to gain

Honestly, even though I really do want this to be the artistic project which makes it big In the art world. At this point after trying many times I’ve kind of accepted that the chances of success are extremely small. Despite this I’m still aiming to push this film to the millions of views because I genuinely believe a film like this has the ability to positively change lives. More personally to motivate suicidal people to see beauty in their own mind, to see strength in their ability to choose one of the mindsets presented in the film and album. Or if nothing else just something to sound and look cool for people who had a rough day and need to see a part of humanity that they can relate to when they need to.

3)Currently I am in university with little funds to do anything, the plan is to hopefully receive grants. Maybe even investments, maybe to sign to a record label or something, to help make the film and album but mostly just to help promote it. So in terms of using funds for promotion yes, my own funds? Any I have available yes as well. If I don’t receive funds and don’t end up with much to promote it myself, then I will have to personally go around and talk to like a million people spreading a million leaflets or something cause I really do want to make an impact. I guess we will see how it turns out though.

I hope I’ve answered these questions well:). If you have any more I would love to answer them.
 
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