Ok, I've read the first 13 pages. In general I like what I've read so far but I do have a few things that I noted down as I was reading. These are just little bits that occurred to me which I think could help make things clearer or just snappier. But as I say, on the whole, I've enjoyed what I've read so far.
I'd be inclined towards a little more exposition at the start. I had to hunt out the pronouns in order to work out what the genders were, so that could definitely be clearer.
There are a few occasions in the dialogue where I think an ellipsis would be more appropriate than a comma, simply for the benefit of reader and actor. The dismissal in this scene seems a little abrupt. Do we need to hear those pleasantries being exchanged? At the start of the scene you jump cut from them being at the door to them being in the kitchen and I would recommend doing the same thing in reverse. Hold the tension in the living room (or wherever they're sitting) for a second and then cut to them at the door exchanging these pleasantries. Just a recommendation but it should help the flow of the dialogue.
I agree with FantasySciFi that we're being slightly overloaded with people. There are a lot of names flying about in the skateboard scene, so perhaps you could focus on introducing the crucial characters rather than all the gang. I think that letting the audience know that one of them is Hogan might be enough because then we know we're in the past. My curiosity was also piqued by one of the character's saying they downloaded some music. I was under the impression we are thirty odd years in the past. Is the present day stuff set in the future or have your past characters got their mitts on technology from the future? This scene also left me a little confused as to whether the characters had met Hennley before. At the beginning she seems to be being introduced, but she very rapidly becomes comfortable with them. That might be part of her character but the shift from shy to playful comes across as a little abrupt.
I'm assuming that the next scene follows on almost directly, in which case I'm wondering whether you need the break or whether these couldn't be amalgamated? The introduction of Megan needs to be more synchronized with the previous introductions, in my opinion. It's very brief and given that we already have six or seven characters to think about might add a layer of confusion. The more lucid you can get these characters in the mind of the audience, the better.
I'm wondering, from the subsequent conversation, whether the relationship between Kaitlenn and Hennley is completely clear. Obviously there's nothing wrong with hinting at things but I think you need to explain why they seem to be such good old friends and yet she doesn't know anyone in the area. I assume that she's moved there and you allude to some sort of family crisis, but I think it might be a little too cryptic. Some of the dialogue here is pretty snappy and the talk about drugs is good (drug talk often comes across badly in screenplays) but I'm not 100% convinced about the whole Echo business. Perhaps you should make the connection between Hennley and Echo more apparent in the previous scene. Obviously we've seen them having sex in the first scene of the film, but I didn't pick up on much of a connection in the second scene they're together. In fact I thought she was flirting with the guy called Alex. So I'd adjust that to make the 'eye fucking' a script note. I'd also suggest throwing slightly more ambiguity into Kaitlenn's belief that Hennley's interested in Echo. At the moment you're using her in lieu of putting a supertitle on the screen saying 'HENNLEY AND ECHO WANT SEX'. We already know that they'll end up having sex, so I think you can afford to be more realistic in terms of Kaitlenn's enquiry about them.
Another thought I had is that in the first scene they're three years older than they are in the later scenes. How is that going to come across? Presumably a director would use the same actors for the younger versions of the character so if you want the audience to know that they're a different age in scene one from later scenes like the skateboarding one, you might have to think up something. Otherwise I think people will watch those opening few scenes and assume that Hennley and Echo are going to be having sex at the party that night, thus linking up with scene one. If that's your intention then please ignore.
EDIT: I might also add that each of these paragraphs roughly equates to each different scene. Sorry if that wasn't clear.
Thank you <3
