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logline Help me with the logline

absurdworld

absurdworld

Never in my life have I written a script or even practice writing one, but very soon I'm going to start my 1st screenplay for a short film titled ''Foresight''. here's the log line:

After a childhood tragedy, a boy acquires foresight, enabling him to prevent future accidents, but did he?

It may or maynot be a perfect logline but In my opinion it serves the purpose of a logline: it breifs the audience about the story. I desperately made it to be simple and not reveal anything "Important" but I found out that It's not that compelling logline to attract the masses, so I need someone to help me revise and reshape my logline so that It can fulfill the purpose of a logline while also being compelling. Besides, I promise that there is more to this logline then what it is. If anyone is willing to help me to get what I want or even suggest changes, I warmly welcome them to be my tutor. I'll provide more details about the story as we discuss..
 
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I wouldn't worry too much about the logline before you write the first draft, since you haven't done this before. I know plenty of people write the logline first but it's never been my way.

For now, without having a screenplay or treatment to reference, I'd simply suggest a small change, assuming that by "foresight" you mean the ability to see the future.

A childhood tragedy leaves a boy apparently able to foresee the future.
 
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Thank you miss mlesemann for sharing your perspective on writing a log line.

As you mentioned I'm one of those people who like to write the logline first and then the script, I think by doing so I create sense of clarity of what the story is about and not wander in random ideas while developing the story, to me it's like giving it an identical border. My objectives before beginning a script are all about compressing an idea to its specific focal point, logline being one of them while the other are Title, time period( context) and most importantly genre. I call it pre writing workshop. This is my way of doing it. Now here I am finding the proper logline for my idea to guide me to the heart of it.

(The logline might change as the story develops but it still worth it, atleast to me)

After all, it's my philosophy, I found it helpful. As i'm not a professional yet, I look for corrections and suggestions to improve my ideology or even criticism.

Mlesemann's logline:
A childhood tragedy leaves a boy apparently able to foresee the future.

Thank you for that but It still is flat as mine, I feel like there is no hook in it. I wish it to be more compelling. Anyway thank you for the response.

Here's the breif synopsis of the story:
"After a tragic childhood accident claims the lives of his parents, a young man is convinced he possesses a divine ability to foresee and prevent future accidents. Unbeknownst to him, his 'gift' is a manifestation of a mental illness. His relentless actions to avert imagined disasters carry unexpected moral consequences and culminate in a heart-pounding revelation, challenging his perception of reality and leaving the audience with a lingering question"

Now help me create a proper logline that doesn't reveal plot twists and still be effective.

On the whole, I apologize if my language seems rude or incorrect and I hope you all bare with it.
 
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absurdworld said:
I'm one of those people who like to write the logline first and then the script, I think by doing so I create sense of clarity of what the story is about and not wander in random ideas while developing the story

The logline might change as the story develops but it still worth it,
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These are two contradictory statements! You can't write a succint summary of a plot destined to attract the attention of viewers (which is what a logline is) if the story hasn't been written and may yet develop in unpredictable ways.

As you've described your objective above, you have an audience of one - yourself. It really doesn't matter whether your initial plot outline is "compelling" or "revealing" because until you've finished the script, there is no story.

If you know what you want to write about, or if you have a rough idea of how one or more characters develop over the course of time, then get on and write that instead of trying to craft a perfect logline that you'll have to re-do later. Everything you describe as a "pre writing workshop" is just procrastination (and believe me, I know all about that! :blush: )
 
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CelticRambler said:
These are two contradictory statements! You can't write a succint summary of a plot destined to attract the attention of viewers (which is what a logline is) if the story hasn't been written and may yet develop in unpredictable ways.

As you've described your objective above, you have an audience of one - yourself. It really doesn't matter whether your initial plot outline is "compelling" or "revealing" because until you've finished the script, there is no story.

If you know what you want to write about, or if you have a rough idea of how one or more characters develop over the course of time, then get on and write that instead of trying to craft a perfect logline that you'll have to re-do later. Everything you describe as a "pre writing workshop" is just procrastination (and believe me, I know all about that! :blush: )
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I appreciate your input and your point of view. While I understand the perspective of crafting a logline after the script is more developed, I personally find value in creating a preliminary logline as part of my pre-writing process. It helps me clarify the core idea and serves as a starting point. Just to clarify, I do have a proper story in mind, and I'm planning to convert it into a script very soon. I believe that different writers have different methods that work best for them, and I'm just exploring what works for me.

I'd also like to note that, as of my understanding, knowing the genre before writing a story is a common practice. It helps set the tone and expectations for both the writer and the eventual audience. It's an important element in my pre-writing process.

Additionally, I think it's important to differentiate between procrastination and discipline. My approach to developing a logline before writing is a part of my discipline and pre-writing process, helping me stay focused and organized as I move towards turning my story into a script. Thanks for the insights!

I'd also like to mention that I provided a brief synopsis of the story earlier, but I didn't find any relevant and useful answers except from miss mlesemann. So I request for a relevant and fast reply. Thank you.
 
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Once again Here's the breif synopsis of the story:
After a tragic childhood accident claims the lives of his parents, a young man is convinced he possesses a divine ability to foresee and prevent future accidents. Unbeknownst to him, his 'gift' is a manifestation of a mental illness. His relentless actions to avert imagined disasters carry unexpected moral consequences and culminate in a heart-pounding revelation, challenging his perception of reality and leaving the audience with a lingering question.

Now someone kindly respond and help me in creating a proper logline for this synopsis.

Besides, I would like to extend my apologies for any potential misunderstanding or miscommunication that may have arisen from my previous messages. I want to clarify that English is not my first language, and there might be instances where my words come across as unintentionally curt or impolite. I want to emphasize that my objective is not to be rude, but my limited grasp of grammar and vocabulary can sometimes make it appear that way. I appreciate your patience and understanding as I navigate our conversation.
 
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Okay, I'll help you create a proper logline. I won't write it for you,
but I'll offer some direction. You have all the components – you
just need to condense it.

Maybe you don't need to mention his parents being killed. Important
to the story, but maybe not the logline. You say his gift in not known
to him – is that the conflict of your story? Does he need to discover
that his gift is a manifestation of mental illness and not divine ability?

A logline is not the same as a teaser – you don't need to tease us with
the promise of a revelation. Just tell us the stakes the young man will face.
Is the young man his own antagonist? Is he struggling against himself?

Tell us who the protagonist is – you've done that.

Tell us who or what he is struggling with – you've hinted but are not clear.

Tell us what the stakes are – again you've hinted but not hit us with it.

Since this logline is only for you to maintain focus I think what you have
written already should do that. But if you want to reduce it to one sentence
then you can just follow the above guidelines:
Protagonist + Struggle with Antagonist + Stakes
 
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directorik said:
Okay, I'll help you create a proper logline. I won't write it for you,
but I'll offer some direction. You have all the components – you
just need to condense it.

Maybe you don't need to mention his parents being killed. Important
to the story, but maybe not the logline. You say his gift in not known
to him – is that the conflict of your story? Does he need to discover
that his gift is a manifestation of mental illness and not divine ability?

A logline is not the same as a teaser – you don't need to tease us with
the promise of a revelation. Just tell us the stakes the young man will face.
Is the young man his own antagonist? Is he struggling against himself?

Tell us who the protagonist is – you've done that.

Tell us who or what he is struggling with – you've hinted but are not clear.

Tell us what the stakes are – again you've hinted but not hit us with it.

Since this logline is only for you to maintain focus I think what you have
written already should do that. But if you want to reduce it to one sentence
then you can just follow the above guidelines:
Protagonist + Struggle with Antagonist + Stakes
Click to expand...
Thank you for your guidance, directorik. In my story, the protagonist, a young man, grapples with an internal struggle. He believes he possesses the divine ability to foresee and prevent future accidents, unknowingly unaware that his 'gift' is a manifestation of mental illness. The story centers around a single pivotal accident, the very one the protagonist is determined to stop. This accident not only serves as a revelation of his mental illness to the audience but also carries a significant moral lesson about the importance of foresight in accident prevention. As the narrative unfolds, the audience is left to ponder whether the protagonist genuinely possesses extraordinary powers or if it's merely a suggestion of foresight, highlighting the public's ignorance in acting responsibly. The heart-pounding revelation challenges the protagonist's perception of reality, and the stakes are high, leaving the audience with a lingering question about the nature of his 'foresight.' The story concludes by showing the tangible consequences of his actions, ultimately encouraging the audience to interpret the story's implications.

I may now write the logline but I wish to know your version of it too.

Besides, I would greatly appreciate any feedback, suggestions, or insights that can help me refine and perfect my story.

Any questions regarding the story please ask me before you clarify it to yourself.
 
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indietalk said:
Give us one first.
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After all of this, you still act like you know nothing about the story. I've already given you a breif synopsis of the story and I mentioned that I wish to know different perspectives of loglines. Besides, I also wanted to create a seemless story although I have one I am still expecting few minor alterations. Thank you!
 
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indietalk said:
This isn't a language barrier issue. It's a you want us to do your homework for you issue. 😂
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Now this is what is called a rude answer but not mine that you all are bragging about. Accept that you are lazy to think and type and also you must be careful with your words, your answers are very sarcastic and hurtful. I thought this website might be helpful for me to navigate but I found that it is always been sarcastic and discouraging rather than uplifting and encouraging atleast to me.

I don't know whether people here lost their purpose and only being egotistical.

Additionally, If I want you to do my work I wouldn't go through such great deal of effort to convey everything about the story. To clarify: I have been doing my best work to make no mistake in conveying my story properly even though English is not my language. I hope you consider that and reply.

Nevertheless I will still be waiting patiencely for a warm and straight answer. Thank you!
 
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How about a member here took the time to give you everything you need to try one out yourself (after which we could help tailor) but you still want one handed to you. Maybe you should try ChatGPT.
 
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absurdworld said:
I may now write the logline but I wish to know your version of it too.
Click to expand...
I'd be glad to offer my version. I wish to read your version.

absurdworld said:
I thought this website might be helpful for me to navigate but I found that it is always been sarcastic and discouraging rather than uplifting and encouraging atleast to me.

I don't know whether people here lost their purpose and only being egotistical.
Click to expand...
Since I am one of the people here I'm sorry you feel I have
lost my purpose. I am trying to help in my way. I honestly
meant to be encouraging in helping you find your logline.
I see my method isn't what you are looking for.
absurdworld said:
Additionally, If I want you to do my work I wouldn't go through such great deal of effort to convey everything about the story. To clarify: I have been doing my best work to make no mistake in conveying my story properly even though English is not my language. I hope you consider that and reply.

Nevertheless I will still be waiting patiencely for a warm and straight answer. Thank you!
Click to expand...
I have considered that English isn't your language. I genuinely wanted to
help you and I failed. I'm sorry.
 
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directorik said:
I'd be glad to offer my version. I wish to read your version.


Since I am one of the people here I'm sorry you feel I have
lost my purpose. I am trying to help in my way. I honestly
meant to be encouraging in helping you find your logline.
I see my method isn't what you are looking for.

I have considered that English isn't your language. I genuinely wanted to
help you and I failed. I'm sorry.
Click to expand...
OK 👍
 
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Here's what I don't understand...

You already have this:

In my story, the protagonist, a young man, grapples with an internal struggle. He believes he possesses the divine ability to foresee and prevent future accidents, unknowingly unaware that his 'gift' is a manifestation of mental illness. The story centers around a single pivotal accident, the very one the protagonist is determined to stop. This accident not only serves as a revelation of his mental illness to the audience but also carries a significant moral lesson about the importance of foresight in accident prevention. As the narrative unfolds, the audience is left to ponder whether the protagonist genuinely possesses extraordinary powers or if it's merely a suggestion of foresight, highlighting the public's ignorance in acting responsibly. The heart-pounding revelation challenges the protagonist's perception of reality, and the stakes are high, leaving the audience with a lingering question about the nature of his 'foresight.' The story concludes by showing the tangible consequences of his actions, ultimately encouraging the audience to interpret the story's implications.

I would call this a synopsis more or less...

Why do you need anymore than this? You're not looking for a marketing logline... You want to construct a logline that will help you write the story you want to write and help keep you ON TRACK writing the story you want to write.

And?

You OBVIOUSLY know way more about YOUR STORY than we will ever know so why can't your synopsis work in doing this for you? My humble opinion is since you've never written a spec script before anyway, this will work just fine and as you write... Through DISCOVERY, you may find that the above needs some additional tweaking. The synopsis above allows you do do that while staying in the confines of your overall story.

Trust me... You'll do it anyway even if you or WE shorten it for you thus, making US perform an exercise in futility (thanks QT).

I mean sure... We could shorten the above up for you but you seem more than competent to be able to do that on your own. I threw it in ChatGPT and here's what it came up with but I don't see how we or you could improve it much more:

A disturbed young man, believing his divine foresight prevents disasters, faces a pivotal accident, unraveling a gripping tale of mental illness, moral lessons, and public ignorance. As authenticity is questioned, a heart-pounding revelation challenges reality, leaving the audience in suspense. High stakes drive tangible consequences, urging readers to interpret the profound implications.

Again... It's more of a quick synopsis than a logline but again, you need to write the script and then later... Once the script has been tweaked and polished? TAILOR a new marketing logline to help get the script read IF you're in fact going to put it into the market. Having said that, I think you have more than enough to keep you on track as you write.

Last but not least? Did you search for:

logline

within the forum itself? I happen to think there are quite a few HELPFUL POSTS you could read right here on the forum to help you get your logline the way you want it:

https://indietalk.com/threads/the-runner.65594/#post-456685

https://indietalk.com/threads/please-read-my-longline.63791/#post-449612

https://indietalk.com/threads/loglines.63067/#post-447467

https://indietalk.com/threads/advice-feedback-first-steps-into-the-story.62088/#post-445301

Good luck!
 
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