Thanks geckopelli for contributing to the discussion.
Apart from the logline itself, do you also agree to have a different inciting incident that would help making the story more dynamic? As I am now thinking to address that point first, to then come back to the logline on a later stage
It's impossible to say without seeing the script. Such things are dependent upon execution. Think about a film like Ordinary People. Sounds incredibly boring, but the execution got an Oscar. An earthquake and the act of finding an old photo can be equally emotionally inciting.
As for loglines, If you can't write a logline, you don't know your story yet. And if you don't know your story, you don't know your characters-- take them out on a date. At this point, the log is just a sign post. Don't hang up on it. Write a crappy one and move on. As the story develops, correct it. I recommend this for all writing issues. Don't stop, write through it until you get your groove back, then correct.
A logline for selling is another matter, because the actual purpose of a logline is to prompt curiosity, nothing more, so here's a short lecture:
One of the possible loglines to Lethal Weapon is:
A Suicidal Man regains his desire to live through adversity.
That's a High Concept Log. No inciting incident needed. Something you might show an Actor, because it emphasizes the humanity of the character you want her to play. That's also what makes it a High Concept. It's universal, a story that could take place anywhere in any era.
Another is:
A Suicidal Cop finds a reason to live when his partner's daughter is kidnapped.
A "lower" concept that is dependent upon the inciting incident. You might pitch this at a Director because it puts a picture in his head, whereas the Actor wants a
feeling. It's a Action log.
There are countless more logs for that particular film, and for ALL films. My point is simple-- how good the logline is depends who's reading it. There are no magic words. In the Studio System, you have to be able to spit out original loglines the way you exhale. Seriously. When a Reader reads a script, he also has to write his own logline for it. And after all, if a writer can't shoot me a new log in a 30 seconds or so, how can I depend on him to write to notes on-set when the budget clock is running at $25,000 an hour?
So stop trying to perfect a single logline and write it every way you can think of. Then rewrite until you have several good ones. Do this, and you will learn to cough up loglines as a second thought. Once I caught on, it became embarrassingly easy to do.
A good practice for learning is my "The Logline Game". Post your original logline for a well known movie and see if anyone can guess the film. If they can't, the logline failed. Great way to refine your craftsmanship.
