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indietalk

IndieTalk Founder
Staff Member
Admin
I like the impact of #1. It could be a tadddddd tighter, like buying the gun, maybe some jump cuts, when the guy opens the gun box you actually here a "tap tap"on the table, and then again. It would be nice to score the trailer, music really ties it all together.

#2 is okay. Needs music. VERY dry when the old man speaks and the bird noise in the beginning is way too high. And it's "SAFE" deposit box not safety. So that one irks me.

I really like #1. A hair tighter, music, boom! Cool!
 

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
I like the impact of #1. It could be a tadddddd tighter, like buying the gun, maybe some jump cuts, when the guy opens the gun box you actually here a "tap tap"on the table, and then again. It would be nice to score the trailer, music really ties it all together.

#2 is okay. Needs music. VERY dry when the old man speaks and the bird noise in the beginning is way too high. And it's "SAFE" deposit box not safety. So that one irks me.

I really like #1. A hair tighter, music, boom! Cool!
I have a musician that I'm going to work with in a couple weeks - I'll start with the trailer.
I take full responsibility for safety deposit box - i will try to fix with ADR
 
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indietalk

IndieTalk Founder
Staff Member
Admin
LOL - It's okay in the movie because many people say it by mistake so it is natural, it bothered me that it was in the trailer with so little words. Not so much an issue in regular dialogue. ;)
 

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
#2 VERY dry when the old man speaks
This was really insightful.

It concerned me a lot because I was thinking similarly about his other less dramatic scenes.
After your remark I went though the film and aggressively cut his screen time and dialogue and every time it was an improvement.

Even that line from the trailer #2, the other guy on the phone cuts him off halfway through his sentence now. It's way better.
Thanks!
 
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