best line of dialogue you've ever written

clive

clive

Hi Guys

Some days you sit at the word processor and a great line spews out, so here's a chance to share it with the world.

However, I'd like to suggest that we write it without giving any context ... so don't tell me where it happens in the film or who says to whom. Just let the line stand by its glorious self.

Here's mine

"God damn it, if I asked you to throw your ass on a grenade there wouldn't be all this bitching ... All you've got to do is stick your tongue in this marine's mouth ... and look like you mean it!"
 
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A favorite couple of lines... but they might end up getting cut:

A: If my shooter doesn't produce, I will personally twist his balls off with my bare hands.
B: Just so ya know, I got a full set of very sharp teeth down there.

shootersfilm.net
 
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From "Twenty First Century"co- written with my husband- Chandler:

CHRIS
What are you, a Republican?
SATAN
No, a Libertarian, actually.


From "Rubble" (written by Chandler/ Produced & Directed by me):

"She's bi-sexual, you forgot about that pretty conveniently, huh?"
 
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Hmmmm. Since there is no dialogue (to speak of) in any Bophe movies, this could be a difficult exercise indeed.

We did start a script for an actual "talkie" -- here is a sample line:

"I noticed how beautiful your eyes are the very moment you first called me 'pathetic.' "
 
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This is from True .. my last screenplay

CASSIUS
I trust you got everything you
wanted.

HENRY
The smack was of a particularly
fine quality.

CASSIUS
The Chinese government has
decided that dollars are more
important than communism.

HENRY
Or maybe they've just figured out
that opium is the opium of the
masses.
 
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clive said:
anything becomes both surreal and funny if you put the word monkey in front of it (ironically, except the word monkey)

So Monkey Trousers, Monkey Nibbles, Monkey Table, Monkey Fudge (fudge is another great word) ... and of course taking htis theory to it's zenith ... therefore Monkey Danishes ought to be hillarious ... :lol:
Click to expand...


Man! I'm launching Underpaid Monkey VFX.. should I name it Monkey Underpaid VFX?:huh: :lol:
 
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...my contribution to this thread is from notes to a novel I would like to finish eventually (sigh)...no, it isn't an action story....I do have delusions (dreams?) of it going further....


"...Gracie, honey? You gotta stop beating people up..."
 
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Your opinion?

Here's a line I've written into my 300+ vampire script I wanted to get comment on:

Already known about scene:
* Teenage vampire, recently turned into vampire, screwing up
* 300+ year old vampire chewing him out for screwing up
* Standing behind vampire is an elder vampire, 800+ years old

-----​

VAMPIRE​
(to teenager)​
I think I know what I'm doing.
I'm three hundred and seventy
two years old!

ELDER​
(to vampire)​
Oh, grow up!

-----​

Is this funny? Is this lame? It was meant to be a bit funny. :hmm:
 
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I think it's funny with the set up. However this thread is about dialog with no set up.

With that said.

Even if you put
Character 1:
I think I know what I'm doing.
I'm three hundred and seventy
two years old!

Character 2:
Oh, grow up!

I think it's still funny.
Good work
 
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I like the dialogue but...

mrde50 said:
Here's a line I've written into my 300+ vampire script I wanted to get comment on:

Already known about scene:
* Teenage vampire, recently turned into vampire, screwing up
* 300+ year old vampire chewing him out for screwing up
* Standing behind vampire is an elder vampire, 800+ years old

-----​

VAMPIRE​
(to teenager)​
I think I know what I'm doing.
I'm three hundred and seventy
two years old!

ELDER​
(to vampire)​
Oh, grow up!

-----​

Is this funny? Is this lame? It was meant to be a bit funny. :hmm:
Click to expand...
Because I don't know what the story is about and not knowing what comes before or after, I also think the same lines could work written this way...

VAMPIRE​
(to teenager)​
I'm three hundred and seventy two years
old... I think I know what I'm doing!

ELDER​
(to vampire)​
Oh, grow up!

I only mention this because often, in a lot of drafts I read, the dialogue is actually there although not always in the best order which is an interesting in and of itself... I always take dialogue that already exists and see if it can be put in a different order to enhance mood, behavior, attitude, etc., of the character...

filmy
 
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I only mention this because often, in a lot of drafts I read, the dialogue is actually there although not always in the best order which is an interesting in and of itself... I always take dialogue that already exists and see if it can be put in a different order to enhance mood, behavior, attitude, etc., of the character...
Click to expand...

I've a slightly different spin on that take. Which is that the good dialogue is usually there once all the dead wood is cut away. It doesn't apply here, but my experience of other people's scripts is that thy bury their good dialogue in meaningless chatter. A lot of the time if you go back over a script and cut out every single word of dialogue that isn't necessary for the story, suddenly the whole thing comes together.

With this gag ... I'd try and write maybe twenty of thirty differnt pay-off lines and then see which one was the best.

For instance

300 year old vampire
I'm 370 years old, I think I know what I'm doing

800 year old vampire
370 years ... I've got hemaroids older than that.

or

300
I'm 370 years old, I think I know what I'm doing

800
370 years old and he stilll only thinks he knows what he's doing - kids!

I think with comedy it's really important to play with all the lines and also to trust your instincts. It's the hardest thing to write because some is either funny or not ... if you think it's a bit funny, it's probably not going to get a laugh. If you absoutley lie on the floor laughing every time you read it then it will probably get a reation from the audience.

Where fimy is ultra-right is that the order the words are written are massively important. this is doubly so for comedy. When I was doing stand up I'd rewrite and reorder my words hundreds of times on the page and in rehearsal until I was absolutely sure that the laughs would come. I think that's the reason that in my entire stand-up career I never died on stage, not even once.
 
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Comedy consistes of specifically 3 elements, content, timing and delivery. The content is the only thing that the writer can actually control. The timing (both when the line/punchline is delivered and the zeitgeist in which it's delivered) are on the shoulders of the actor, the director and the editor. For the content, the juxtaposition of elements / statements / expectations that are obvious, but not something that would be consciously thought or would be thought but stopped by the shutup filter as innapropriate or stupid.

Unthought of:
"I just noticed...when I put my gloves on, my hands are still inside"!

Controversial:
Anything that mr. Mencia has stated...ever.

Juxtaposing unrelated things in an unusual way:
"You're a waste of carbon...you could've been a briquette, that would have been much more useful".

As a writer, if you can make the words funny when delivered without inflection of any sort, the actor/director/editor should have plenty to work with.


And here's my latest fave:

"You can wipe with the pages"!
 
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JEFF
Kinda like those footballers in the Andes?

A slight pause and a puzzled look from Angela.

JEFF (V.O.)
No, Jeff, nothing like those footballers in the Andes.
 
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SHANE BLACK from THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT said:
<<<THE SETUP>>>
Nathan
Alice, please. Your dog, Alice. It and my appetite are mutually exclusive.​

Alice
Well, what's wrong with the dog?

<<<BEST LINE EVER>>>
Nathan
Simple. He's been licking his asshole for the last three straight hours. I submit to you that there is nothing there worth more than an hour's attention. I should think that whatever he is attempting to dislodge is either gone for good, or there to stay. ​
Click to expand...

That's my favorite... too bad the movie sucked...
 
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I like this line from my forthcoming film "World of Big Ideas..." (Richard Head is a nutcase filmmaker having an arguement in a restaurant)

Richard Head

Theres no need to thank me for my consideration because i have not given any, but i appreciate your appraisal for making my next film Revenge of the Shit, i understand all my films cause widespread panic, organised protests and spontaneous demostrations, not to mention the various outbreaks of vigilante justice. Can i help?

Waiter
Are you going to order something pal?

Richard Head
Well the best things in life are free. Unless you want me to pee in your mouth, that will always cost extra.
 
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Not a line written by me ( i haven't done a script for a few years) but best line written for me:

Keslo: Any last words of encouragement for the troops?
Wiliams : There are people in there whose soul purpose is torture and pain. If they catch you you are better taking your own life than allowing yourself to endure punishment at their hands.
Kelso: Encouragement Williams! Encouragement!
 
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Escape From Alcatraz

What kind of childhood did you have?

Short.

Best line *I've* written?

"I'm just a skydiver." from BLACK THUNDER. Loses all meaning out of context, but this pilot character has been insulted - called a skydiver because he keeps wrecking and ejecting from jets. This is a big moment of self-realization that he really *is* a screw up. Due to some foul up, the line actually made it all the way to screen! Almost everything else went through the meat grinder.

- Bill
 
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