plot Assassin School for Girls

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
::sigh:: this story went to dark places i didn't originally intend
But softened the story stops being real... so.. yeah probably will just drop it and not develop the story further than this plot outline.

Okay here we go. LMK your thoughts.

Assassin School for Girls

Dad sells Amy (age 11) to Madam of Assassin School for $30,000 - A farm that trains young girls to kill.
Amy is given roommate Bambi, an emotional wreck and victim of long term abuse.

ORIENTATION
Six girls from three bedrooms attend the school and they're all given a kitten to murder.
"That horror and reluctance that you feel is innocence leaving your soul. You're not children anymore. You're killers"
Amy stares the teacher in the eyes, breaks the neck of the cat and throws it at the ground. "Can I go now?"
Bambi is horrified and stares at her kitten in a close up. meow.

ACTING CLASS
Bambi reclined on a couch like a therapist office
Teacher walks Bambi through the emotional turmoil she just experienced killing the kitten. "Good good. Now call for help! Cry for it"
"Help me! Please help me!!!" a man runs over. Are you okay little girl. She pulls out a fake gun and pulls the trigger at his head. A pop of air.
Excellent excellent. He never saw it coming!

BEDROOM
That night Bambi comfronts amy about what a monster she is for killing her kitten without hesitation
Amy says she didnt even look at her kitten bc it made it easier. They understand each other.

CLASSROOM
they make pipe bombs. All the students are very nervous and move slowly. Bambi excels at it bc she does not care if she blows herself up.

EXT SQUEEZE BOX
They go through a squeeze box - two 8' long planks of wood spaced apart by a mere 5". you can only move forward when all the air is expelled from lungs.
Amy gets stuck halfway through. she freaks out for a moment. instructor yells "prove your worth! why am I training a little girl instead of a 300 lb athlete? Reach your target! squeeze to your target!" "I cant!" They raise the squeeze box to 6" and amy regains her composure and finishes crawling through the 8' planks of wood.

EXT POOL OF ICE WATER
To harden the girls to pain and make them more robust they must soak in a pool of ice water
amy gets in and suffers intensely. she moans in pain but stays in the water.
bambi touches it with her foot 'fuck that. no!!! fuck that'
instructor says "you've come to me weak little children. When you leave here you might hate me, but you will be hardened killers" she motions.
a large man comes over and forces bambi into the ice water. bambi screams constantly in pain

BEDROOM
Amy and bambi discuss upcoming graduation.
Amy says that one student will die. Bambi doesnt believe it.
"Its part of their tradition, my dad says they do it every year"
Amy pulls out some adhesive test strips, they will change color if exposed to the poison she says.
She forces bambi to keep one in the ribbon on her hair.

CLASSROOM
"you cant be trusted in the field until you've accepted that youre going to die. and that your friends are going to die."
"you're not one of us unless you are willing to die when we tell you that today is the day you die."
"and today is your final, ultimate lesson. today you will stare death in the face. one of these cups is poisoned. choose."
a table with 6 cups. they all sit down in front of a cup. Bambi discretely uses the test strip. She has the poisoned cup!!
She snatches another girls cup "what the fuck!!" girl gets in bambi's face. but bambi doesnt back down "sit the fuck down or i'll bite your nose off your face"
teacher chimes in "spill that cup and you will both pay the price" The other girl replies "whatever. its all random anyway." and she takes the poisoned cup.
they all drink. the girl dies.

OFFICE
Amy is pulled into the office. Bambi must have told them how Amy informed them about the poison.
They aren't going to punish Amy for outsmarting the system but they had her dad killed for breach of contract.
Amy pretends that is okay, her dad is an asshole that sold her for money. She has her own room now, bambi not there. Amy cries herself to sleep.

GRADUATION CEREMONY
The national leader of the assassin guild comes to watch the girls graduate and they all shake hands with her.
Flashback of Amy and her dad eating and talking about how evil the assassin guild is.
"You're the only one that can get close Amy. You have to cut the head off the snake."
Amy seen using tweezers to pull a strip of poison off of her hand.
Amy pulls Bambi away. National leader dies of poison. They hear the mayhem.
Amy explains, the guild is evil, they killed her dad. She doesn't blame bambi and amy doesnt want her dad to die for nothing, tries to take bambi off the farm with her.
bambi resists her, punches amy. breaks away and runs back to the farm
amy leaves and walks into the forest.
'fuck this'
amy turns around and goes back
she kills the person in front of the armory. takes an assault rifle, throws a grenade to blow up the rest of the armory.
goes around the farm killing all the teachers and staff with an assault rifle :censored: ( I really did not anticipate this basically turning into a school shooting fml)

kill the last two guards.
toss that assault rifle aside and enter classroom where the kids are assembled.
plead to them 'these people recruit little girls to turn you into monsters. because no one else wants to kill kittens or children, they want killers that will do anything. youre better than that'
one of the girls agrees and tries to leave. bambi strangles her to death. Amy tries to help her but 2 girls intercept.

Big kung fu fight scene between amy vs 3 girls
Final fight scene of amy vs bambi

I love that it ends in a kung fu fight scene with a bunch of kids. that would be great.
but honestly this story is kinda meh and also a little too dark. its just not that great. I like Lily Fire a lot more.
 
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::sigh:: this story went to dark places i didn't originally intend
But softened the story stops being real... so.. yeah probably will just drop it and not develop the story further than this plot outline.

Okay here we go. LMK your thoughts.

Assassin School for Girls

Dad sells Amy (age 11) to Madam of Assassin School for $30,000 - A farm that trains young girls to kill.
Amy is given roommate Bambi, an emotional wreck and victim of long term abuse.

ORIENTATION
Six girls from three bedrooms attend the school and they're all given a kitten to murder.
"That horror and reluctance that you feel is innocence leaving your soul. You're not children anymore. You're killers"
Amy stares the teacher in the eyes, breaks the neck of the cat and throws it at the ground. "Can I go now?"
Bambi is horrified and stares at her kitten in a close up. meow.

ACTING CLASS
Bambi reclined on a couch like a therapist office
Teacher walks Bambi through the emotional turmoil she just experienced killing the kitten. "Good good. Now call for help! Cry for it"
"Help me! Please help me!!!" a man runs over. Are you okay little girl. She pulls out a fake gun and pulls the trigger at his head. A pop of air.
Excellent excellent. He never saw it coming!

BEDROOM
That night Bambi comfronts amy about what a monster she is for killing her kitten without hesitation
Amy says she didnt even look at her kitten bc it made it easier. They understand each other.

CLASSROOM
they make pipe bombs. All the students are very nervous and move slowly. Bambi excels at it bc she does not care if she blows herself up.

EXT SQUEEZE BOX
They go through a squeeze box - two 8' long planks of wood spaced apart by a mere 5". you can only move forward when all the air is expelled from lungs.
Amy gets stuck halfway through. she freaks out for a moment. instructor yells "prove your worth! why am I training a little girl instead of a 300 lb athlete? Reach your target! squeeze to your target!" "I cant!" They raise the squeeze box to 6" and amy regains her composure and finishes crawling through the 8' planks of wood.

EXT POOL OF ICE WATER
To harden the girls to pain and make them more robust they must soak in a pool of ice water
amy gets in and suffers intensely. she moans in pain but stays in the water.
bambi touches it with her foot 'fuck that. no!!! fuck that'
instructor says "you've come to me weak little children. When you leave here you might hate me, but you will be hardened killers" she motions.
a large man comes over and forces bambi into the ice water. bambi screams constantly in pain

BEDROOM
Amy and bambi discuss upcoming graduation.
Amy says that one student will die. Bambi doesnt believe it.
"Its part of their tradition, my dad says they do it every year"
Amy pulls out some adhesive test strips, they will change color if exposed to the poison she says.
She forces bambi to keep one in the ribbon on her hair.

CLASSROOM
"you cant be trusted in the field until you've accepted that youre going to die. and that your friends are going to die."
"you're not one of us unless you are willing to die when we tell you that today is the day you die."
"and today is your final, ultimate lesson. today you will stare death in the face. one of these cups is poisoned. choose."
a table with 6 cups. they all sit down in front of a cup. Bambi discretely uses the test strip. She has the poisoned cup!!
She snatches another girls cup "what the fuck!!" girl gets in bambi's face. but bambi doesnt back down "sit the fuck down or i'll bite your nose off your face"
teacher chimes in "spill that cup and you will both pay the price" The other girl replies "whatever. its all random anyway." and she takes the poisoned cup.
they all drink. the girl dies.

OFFICE
Amy is pulled into the office. Bambi must have told them how Amy informed them about the poison.
They aren't going to punish Amy for outsmarting the system but they had her dad killed for breach of contract.
Amy pretends that is okay, her dad is an asshole that sold her for money. She has her own room now, bambi not there. Amy cries herself to sleep.

GRADUATION CEREMONY
The national leader of the assassin guild comes to watch the girls graduate and they all shake hands with her.
Flashback of Amy and her dad eating and talking about how evil the assassin guild is.
"You're the only one that can get close Amy. You have to cut the head off the snake."
Amy seen using tweezers to pull a strip of poison off of her hand.
Amy pulls Bambi away. National leader dies of poison. They hear the mayhem.
Amy explains, the guild is evil, they killed her dad. She doesn't blame bambi and amy doesnt want her dad to die for nothing, tries to take bambi off the farm with her.
bambi resists her, punches amy. breaks away and runs back to the farm
amy leaves and walks into the forest.
'fuck this'
amy turns around and goes back
she kills the person in front of the armory. takes an assault rifle, throws a grenade to blow up the rest of the armory.
goes around the farm killing all the teachers and staff with an assault rifle :censored: ( I really did not anticipate this basically turning into a school shooting fml)

kill the last two guards.
toss that assault rifle aside and enter classroom where the kids are assembled.
plead to them 'these people recruit little girls to turn you into monsters. because no one else wants to kill kittens or children, they want killers that will do anything. youre better than that'
one of the girls agrees and tries to leave. bambi strangles her to death. Amy tries to help her but 2 girls intercept.

Big kung fu fight scene between amy vs 3 girls
Final fight scene of amy vs bambi

I love that it ends in a kung fu fight scene with a bunch of kids. that would be great.
but honestly this story is kinda meh and also a little too dark. its just not that great. I like Lily Fire a lot more.
Yeah, I prefer Lily Fire to this. I liked the begninning and the premise of this assasin training school but I'm not sure about the plot. As you say, it's quite dark, which personally I don't mind, but then I'd prefer a more gritty and realistic plot (minus the mass killing and kung fu).

If you wanted to avoid the dark aspect, the assasin school thing might work as a comedy-drama maybe, like a light hearted look at assasin training (if there is such a thing). But that would be a completely different story then.
 

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
Yeah, I prefer Lily Fire to this. I liked the begninning and the premise of this assasin training school but I'm not sure about the plot. As you say, it's quite dark, which personally I don't mind, but then I'd prefer a more gritty and realistic plot (minus the mass killing and kung fu).

If you wanted to avoid the dark aspect, the assasin school thing might work as a comedy-drama maybe, like a light hearted look at assasin training (if there is such a thing). But that would be a completely different story then.
Yeah it didn’t quite pan out Lol
When I saw that I didn’t like the story I wrote lily fire instead of trying to fix assassin school

part of the problem with school is I was constantly double questioning what I would be able to produce bc there’s so many kids and it’s so dark at the same time. My writing process was constrained
 
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Yeah it didn’t quite pan out Lol
When I saw that I didn’t like the story I wrote lily fire instead of trying to fix assassin school

part of the problem with school is I was constantly double questioning what I would be able to produce bc there’s so many kids and it’s so dark at the same time. My writing process was constrained
Yeah, it's difficult. Like I said, the only thing I could think to make it work would be to do a light hearted take on a dark subject. I'm thinking along the lines of other films that involve kids and killing like Kick Ass or the Addams Family.
 
sfoster - You may want to do research into The Sparrow School in the old Soviet Union. They trained young women to be "honey traps;" intelligence officers who sexually ensnare their targets. They started them fairly young - early/mid teens. Those who showed the proper attitudes and aptitudes were given "further training" in "other areas."

Although not child assassins the story of the Sparrow Schol may give you some new perspectives for your script
 

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
sfoster - You may want to do research into The Sparrow School in the old Soviet Union. They trained young women to be "honey traps;" intelligence officers who sexually ensnare their targets. They started them fairly young - early/mid teens. Those who showed the proper attitudes and aptitudes were given "further training" in "other areas."

Although not child assassins the story of the Sparrow Schol may give you some new perspectives for your script

of the movies with little girl killers.. professional, kickass, hannah. la femme nikita. let the right one in. ... and lastly hard candy.
i took them into consideration and made the explicit choice to avoid the sexualization of young girls and just stick to the violence.

I enjoyed the film hard candy. and i dont think it was sick or inappropriate. but i personally dont want to make that film.
 
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::sigh:: this story went to dark places i didn't originally intend
But softened the story stops being real... so.. yeah probably will just drop it and not develop the story further than this plot outline.

Okay here we go. LMK your thoughts.
lso a little too dark. its just not that great. I like Lily Fire a lot more.

This has signs of a great story. I'd recommend you to watch two S.Korean movies "Shiri", "Secretly, Greatly" and "Commitment", both with a premise of North Korean spy/killer school for teenagers, who are later sent to South Korea for secret missions. I recommend because they use the similar notion of brutal training, which is supposed to transform the boys and girls into killing machines - which is partially successful. These movies focus more on aftermath of the training, graduation, missions, and the human drama that follows. I personally find Shiri to be a great movie, but Western audiences may probably like other type of plots.

Your story is focused more on the school itself, which I find to be refreshing. The conflict between Amy and Bambie does have potential to be developed further (if you change the ending). I find the plot with killing the leader to be unusual and interesting.

Amy's motive is also I like - which shows the human side of Amy, who still loved her father, even if he was not a good father at all - this character development is fascinating.

Would be interesting to see more of character development for Bambie. While she is a victim initially, would be interesting to her transformation into a not a victim, but an brutal enforcer.

Will we see final ultimate fight between Amy and Bambie?

I hope that you develop the story after the graduation. Let's imagine that they can't find who killed the leader and girls let go (if Amy is really smart - she would already make the assassination look like an incident - its what they were trained for, after all). There is a number of possible twists and developments.

As in Nikita, one possible development is, maybe, rivaly between Amy and Bambie for attention of cool guy, who, without knowing it, may get into a center of fight between two assassins.

What will happen if Amy gets released in the aftermath of leader's killing and gets somehow transferred to a normal school?

Will Bambie return and seek revenge for her long time abuse?
etc
 
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sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
This has signs of a great story. I'd recommend you to watch two S.Korean movies "Shiri", "Secretly, Greatly" and "Commitment", both with a premise of North Korean spy/killer school for teenagers, who are later sent to South Korea for secret missions. I recommend because they use the similar notion of brutal training, which is supposed to transform the boys and girls into killing machines - which is partially successful. These movies focus more on aftermath of the training, graduation, missions, and the human drama that follows. I personally find Shiri to be a great movie, but Western audiences may probably like other type of plots.

Your story is focused more on the school itself, which I find to be refreshing. The conflict between Amy and Bambie does have potential to be developed further (if you change the ending). I find the plot with killing the leader to be unusual and interesting.

Amy's motive is also I like - which shows the human side of Amy, who still loved her father, even if he was not a good father at all - this character development is fascinating.

Would be interesting to see more of character development for Bambie. While she is a victim initially, would be interesting to her transformation into a not a victim, but an brutal enforcer.

Will we see final ultimate fight between Amy and Bambie?

I hope that you develop the story after the graduation. Let's imagine that they can't find who killed the leader and girls let go (if Amy is really smart - she would already make the assassination look like an incident - its what they were trained for, after all). There is a number of possible twists and developments.

As in Nikita, one possible development is, maybe, rivaly between Amy and Bambie for attention of cool guy, who, without knowing it, may get into a center of fight between two assassins.

What will happen if Amy gets released in the aftermath of leader's killing and gets somehow transferred to a normal school?

Will Bambie return and seek revenge for her long time abuse?
etc

great post:clap:

few people can see the potential of a work in Progress like this.Hard to see past the short comings and flaws. I love southkorean cinema too . Might check that out !
 

indietalk

IndieTalk Founder
Staff Member
Admin
Maybe the girls aren't sold, like you said you want to stay away from certain aspects and that is still trafficking.

What if they recruit girls who have lost a parent to violence, so they foster the revenge in their hearts. They use this to recruit them.
 

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
Maybe the girls aren't sold, like you said you want to stay away from certain aspects and that is still trafficking.

What if they recruit girls who have lost a parent to violence, so they foster the revenge in their hearts. They use this to recruit them.

The aspect I want to stay away from is just the sexual content.. I'm a grown man trying to work with an 11 year girl ya know...
I would just feel more comfortable if sex was completely removed from the equation.

Slavery doesn't bother me though because it is constantly discussed in schools and in our history, children are all exposed to slavery very very young and continue that education throughout their lives. its different than sex.

They could definitely just like... kidnap damaged girls from juvenile detention or something and then mold them. youre on to something there.
 

indietalk

IndieTalk Founder
Staff Member
Admin
Yes there is something to using their situations to their (kidnappers') advantage. Didn't Annie even have this aspect? lol
 

indietalk

IndieTalk Founder
Staff Member
Admin
Here's a real life one for you.

The DC sniper and Lee Boyd Malvo (17) at the time. I guess you could say he was groomed into being an assassin. I think the younger and more impressionable the better, for a movie. So you feel for them, and not think, oh they are adults. There's an age where you will lose compassion and just say, fuck em. And you need your audience to care for them.
 

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
Here's a real life one for you.

The DC sniper and Lee Boyd Malvo (17) at the time. I guess you could say he was groomed into being an assassin. I think the younger and more impressionable the better, for a movie. So you feel for them, and not think, oh they are adults. There's an age where you will lose compassion and just say, fuck em. And you need your audience to care for them.

yeah i lived through that one.
 
I would just feel more comfortable if sex was completely removed from the equation.

I wasn't going there at all. My thought was that the selection, weeding out, training processes - not the fantasy movie versions but the real deal as evidenced in declassified Soviet documents - make for interesting, if very disturbing, reading, and may give you some fresh insights/perspectives, especially as pertains to the thought processes/rationalizations of those who condoned the abuse of children in this way. After all, fully realized villians make for VERY interesting characters. And the psychological profies of their child victims and those who used them also make for horrendously fascinatingly reading if you can plow through it.
 

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
I wasn't going there at all. My thought was that the selection, weeding out, training processes - not the fantasy movie versions but the real deal as evidenced in declassified Soviet documents - make for interesting, if very disturbing, reading, and may give you some fresh insights/perspectives, especially as pertains to the thought processes/rationalizations of those who condoned the abuse of children in this way. After all, fully realized villians make for VERY interesting characters. And the psychological profies of their child victims and those who used them also make for horrendously fascinatingly reading if you can plow through it.

thats fascinating. where should i read about it, just a google search?
when you said " officers who sexually ensnare their targets" it sounded like grooming young girls into whores. sorry for the misunderstanding.
 
"honey traps;" intelligence officers who sexually ensnare their targets.
when you said " officers who sexually ensnare their targets" it sounded like grooming young girls into whores.

The Sparrows were female intelligence officers specially trained to use their sexual wiles to ensnare their targets. Find a guy who holds a security clearance with family problems and other issues and initiate a fiery sexual relationship. Once he's "on the hook" he will probably start spilling secrets. That simple, that scary.
 
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