plot Assassin School for Girls

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
::sigh:: this story went to dark places i didn't originally intend
But softened the story stops being real... so.. yeah probably will just drop it and not develop the story further than this plot outline.

Okay here we go. LMK your thoughts.

Assassin School for Girls

Dad sells Amy (age 11) to Madam of Assassin School for $30,000 - A farm that trains young girls to kill.
Amy is given roommate Bambi, an emotional wreck and victim of long term abuse.

ORIENTATION
Six girls from three bedrooms attend the school and they're all given a kitten to murder.
"That horror and reluctance that you feel is innocence leaving your soul. You're not children anymore. You're killers"
Amy stares the teacher in the eyes, breaks the neck of the cat and throws it at the ground. "Can I go now?"
Bambi is horrified and stares at her kitten in a close up. meow.

ACTING CLASS
Bambi reclined on a couch like a therapist office
Teacher walks Bambi through the emotional turmoil she just experienced killing the kitten. "Good good. Now call for help! Cry for it"
"Help me! Please help me!!!" a man runs over. Are you okay little girl. She pulls out a fake gun and pulls the trigger at his head. A pop of air.
Excellent excellent. He never saw it coming!

BEDROOM
That night Bambi comfronts amy about what a monster she is for killing her kitten without hesitation
Amy says she didnt even look at her kitten bc it made it easier. They understand each other.

CLASSROOM
they make pipe bombs. All the students are very nervous and move slowly. Bambi excels at it bc she does not care if she blows herself up.

EXT SQUEEZE BOX
They go through a squeeze box - two 8' long planks of wood spaced apart by a mere 5". you can only move forward when all the air is expelled from lungs.
Amy gets stuck halfway through. she freaks out for a moment. instructor yells "prove your worth! why am I training a little girl instead of a 300 lb athlete? Reach your target! squeeze to your target!" "I cant!" They raise the squeeze box to 6" and amy regains her composure and finishes crawling through the 8' planks of wood.

EXT POOL OF ICE WATER
To harden the girls to pain and make them more robust they must soak in a pool of ice water
amy gets in and suffers intensely. she moans in pain but stays in the water.
bambi touches it with her foot 'fuck that. no!!! fuck that'
instructor says "you've come to me weak little children. When you leave here you might hate me, but you will be hardened killers" she motions.
a large man comes over and forces bambi into the ice water. bambi screams constantly in pain

BEDROOM
Amy and bambi discuss upcoming graduation.
Amy says that one student will die. Bambi doesnt believe it.
"Its part of their tradition, my dad says they do it every year"
Amy pulls out some adhesive test strips, they will change color if exposed to the poison she says.
She forces bambi to keep one in the ribbon on her hair.

CLASSROOM
"you cant be trusted in the field until you've accepted that youre going to die. and that your friends are going to die."
"you're not one of us unless you are willing to die when we tell you that today is the day you die."
"and today is your final, ultimate lesson. today you will stare death in the face. one of these cups is poisoned. choose."
a table with 6 cups. they all sit down in front of a cup. Bambi discretely uses the test strip. She has the poisoned cup!!
She snatches another girls cup "what the fuck!!" girl gets in bambi's face. but bambi doesnt back down "sit the fuck down or i'll bite your nose off your face"
teacher chimes in "spill that cup and you will both pay the price" The other girl replies "whatever. its all random anyway." and she takes the poisoned cup.
they all drink. the girl dies.

OFFICE
Amy is pulled into the office. Bambi must have told them how Amy informed them about the poison.
They aren't going to punish Amy for outsmarting the system but they had her dad killed for breach of contract.
Amy pretends that is okay, her dad is an asshole that sold her for money. She has her own room now, bambi not there. Amy cries herself to sleep.

GRADUATION CEREMONY
The national leader of the assassin guild comes to watch the girls graduate and they all shake hands with her.
Flashback of Amy and her dad eating and talking about how evil the assassin guild is.
"You're the only one that can get close Amy. You have to cut the head off the snake."
Amy seen using tweezers to pull a strip of poison off of her hand.
Amy pulls Bambi away. National leader dies of poison. They hear the mayhem.
Amy explains, the guild is evil, they killed her dad. She doesn't blame bambi and amy doesnt want her dad to die for nothing, tries to take bambi off the farm with her.
bambi resists her, punches amy. breaks away and runs back to the farm
amy leaves and walks into the forest.
'fuck this'
amy turns around and goes back
she kills the person in front of the armory. takes an assault rifle, throws a grenade to blow up the rest of the armory.
goes around the farm killing all the teachers and staff with an assault rifle :censored: ( I really did not anticipate this basically turning into a school shooting fml)

kill the last two guards.
toss that assault rifle aside and enter classroom where the kids are assembled.
plead to them 'these people recruit little girls to turn you into monsters. because no one else wants to kill kittens or children, they want killers that will do anything. youre better than that'
one of the girls agrees and tries to leave. bambi strangles her to death. Amy tries to help her but 2 girls intercept.

Big kung fu fight scene between amy vs 3 girls
Final fight scene of amy vs bambi

I love that it ends in a kung fu fight scene with a bunch of kids. that would be great.
but honestly this story is kinda meh and also a little too dark. its just not that great. I like Lily Fire a lot more.
 
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I think you should put it aside, let it ferment, and pick it back up in a year or two and see where the story leads you. Half the things you talk about were things I went through in "POW Survival School" (SERE School) back in 1972. The ice water was interesting (we called it a "Thule Doosh", after Thule, Greenland), but ours was followed with good old fashioned waterboarding. And your squeeze box was a real thing, responsible for about a 15-20% washout rate among students. I might tone down the actual violence a tick, and emphasis the "perceived" or implied violence... I have no idea where your story may be headed, but I'd like to see what YOU have planned for it. And some times we need a dark tale to make us see the light. I wouldn't take anything out for now, I'd wait and see what idea comes in to replace something.
 

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
I think you should put it aside, let it ferment, and pick it back up in a year or two and see where the story leads you. Half the things you talk about were things I went through in "POW Survival School" (SERE School) back in 1972. The ice water was interesting (we called it a "Thule Doosh", after Thule, Greenland), but ours was followed with good old fashioned waterboarding. And your squeeze box was a real thing, responsible for about a 15-20% washout rate among students. I might tone down the actual violence a tick, and emphasis the "perceived" or implied violence... I have no idea where your story may be headed, but I'd like to see what YOU have planned for it. And some times we need a dark tale to make us see the light. I wouldn't take anything out for now, I'd wait and see what idea comes in to replace something.
Likely this one will never be produced since it ends in a "school shooting" but my next production script is looking to be the grandma horror i posted.
thanks for reading
 
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