A song of my own.

T

TI Irwin

I did come up with this on my own, but I'm not selling anything. I wasn't sure exactly where to post the song so I figured this was the best place.

DISCLAIMER: SONG CONTAINS PROFANITY AND OPINIONATED VIEWPOINTS

I don't want to argue with anyone so if you dislike the song, you can state that, but please keep it civil.
- Thanks

I write music for fun and a distraction from writing screenplays. Here it is:

Undertaker's Insomnia​

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yea,
(Verse 1)
I’m dizzy. I’m dirty. I haven’t slept in three days.
Too busy on my laptop writing screen plays
So you see I have a bit of permanent anger in my system,
A grumpy night person in morning, stuck with his children
Scrambling to clean shit before slumlords step up in buildings
I repel dumb shit like an infection, call me penicillin
So now would not be the time for you to fuck with me
Worse than slave masters on they grind I’ll draw out your suffering
This ain’t no bluff to me. My life is uncut and unrestricted.
So I slice and dice niggas if they ever get conflicted.
Pour salt in your wounds, then stitch it up.
Empty a clip through your ear changing your name to fisticuff.
You get religious with the quickness, holy lungs and a slit wrist.
Crucify you upside down and watch you spit it up.
Pour gasoline at the base, and with my blunt I lit it up.
Or leave you paralyzed so your girl can’t get it up.
Then I’ll be there for support, make sure she still gives a fuck.
I’m on a mission, so no, we’re not equals.
I elevate past the submission of my people.
And this ain’t about selling records, or sequels,
This is Proffit T and I’m out to vanquish evil

(Chorus)
This is ground zero, I’m standing in the crater
I burned your city down, cause I’m the hooded caper
Night night to the game you niggas counting sheep.
The undertaker is here and I never sleep.

(Verse 2)
Reality is truth, based on fact not opinion
And thus begins the fundamental problem with religion
So my stance is monumental in the way we’re livin’
I was a sheep but now I’m among the wolves
See I’m not married to the game so I don’t play by the rules
So I say fuck you phonies and your fake ass jewels
The issue with mainstream is they rape truth like a whore
Even if you grew up in the hood, you’re ass ain’t there anymore
All your beautiful women and 20 inch rims that spinning
Ain’t got shit to do with the message somebody else’s ghostwritten
So 90% of music is bullshit, and that’s a given
On creative hustle, I flexed my cerebral muscle.
No sleep, no lies, just a world-conflicted tussle.
I used to think power came from money, it's funny.
I'd rather have brains than bank cause you can’t take that from me.
So fuck a benz, fuck a rolly, fuck a lexus. Bitch, I'll take yo watch and yo necklace.
And make you pay me protection, so take political correctness and SHOVE IT UP YO RECTUM!
Lines, yeah I select em’. Ready to shoot cause I’m holdin’, to color correct em’.
I disrespect em’. Ya’ll like rodents scared of your face, hiding your reflection.
That’s why I win this race without elections. And this is more than projection,
this is a social blessing, because insecurities being yourselves’ why I cock back my weapon!
And fuck the set that you’re repping, nigga your block don’t mean shit.
Like shouting area codes makes you less of a bitch? Please.
Take you to pearly gates and drop you to your knees.
Judgment day is here for the rap industry.
Five rounds in the six shooter, spin the cylinder twice,
cock the .357 Ruger and see if God saves your life.
(Gunshot)
Rest in peace mutha fuckas!!!

- In order to resurrect hip hop, we have to bury the industry first. So welcome to the underground!
 
Yo Wheat I'ma 'bout to roll up on yoo wit' my 30 inch dubs. Sumbody's gonna haff tah cawl an am-bull-ance fo yoo, dissin' on hip hop. Get up out mah hood, I gots so much skrilla.

Fo' shizzle mah na'avi nizzle.
 
ROC said:
Yo Wheat I'ma 'bout to roll up on yoo wit' my 30 inch dubs. Sumbody's gonna haff tah cawl an am-bull-ance fo yoo, dissin' on hip hop. Get up out mah hood, I gots so much skrilla.

Fo' shizzle mah na'avi nizzle.
Click to expand...

I appreciate the humor, but if that's all you got from the song, you missed the point.
 
Well if you actually want a real critique here it comes:

When I listen to hip hop (I rarely do, but Eminem is probably the best I have ever heard at this and possibly Tupac is up there as well) the style of rapping and rhyming that gets me pumped is the rhyming that doesn't happen in the last 2 syllables of every line but somewhere in the middle, possibly the beginning.

Also the syncopation of rhyming is important. The consonants of CH and K and T carefully plotted out - like Tupac and Eminem. Otherwise I just think I'm listening to a nursery rhyme.

I'd like to hear these lyrics put to a beat before I judge them and if that's the subject you want to write about be my guest - I respect how you said it has opinionated lines etc.. Did you have one running in the background while you wrote it? I'd be interested how it holds to a 4/4 116 BPM song.

Anyway... I didn't want to knock your lyrics so I tried to laugh off wheatgrinder's statement.

A good example of what I'm talking about where Eminem owns all on rapping is 50 Cent's song featuring him - Patiently Waiting. His rhythm and detail on the rhyming and phrasing and enunciating is just unreal.
 
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When little Johny smears his poo on the wall, and his parents sigh and say "oh, inst our little boy talented!" The polite thing is to nod your head in agreement..

but when little Johnny aint so little anymore, SOMEBODY needs to tell him, and his parents, that poo on the wall, is just that.. POO!


Look Ti, you can obviously use the English language, your other posts are salient, clear etc, if your having a joke, then thats awesome, but do you REALLY want me to take this seriously?

Thanks
 
Apparently I have to "translate" this for those of you who don't understand it.

Undertaker's Insomnia​

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yea,
(Verse 1)
I’m dizzy. I’m dirty. I haven’t slept in three days.
Too busy on my laptop writing screen plays (Thus the insomnia.)
So you see I have a bit of permanent anger in my system,
A grumpy night person in morning, stuck with his children (I don't have kids. This is a metaphor.)
Scrambling to clean shit before slumlords step up in buildings
I repel dumb shit like an infection, call me penicillin
So now would not be the time for you to fuck with me
Worse than slave masters on they grind I’ll draw out your suffering
This ain’t no bluff to me. My life is uncut and unrestricted. (Obviously I don't censor myself.)
So I slice and dice niggas if they ever get conflicted. (A threat to anyone who wants to take up physical violence against me for any reason.)
Pour salt in your wounds, then stitch it up. (Insult to injury)
Empty a clip through your ear changing your name to fisticuff. (Dave Chappelle reference. Fisticuff is his parody of rap.)
You get religious with the quickness, holy lungs and a slit wrist. (I'm here to lyrically kill the industry and its flaws)
Crucify you upside down and watch you spit it up.
Pour gasoline at the base, and with my blunt I lit it up.
Or leave you paralyzed so your girl can’t get it up.
Then I’ll be there for support, make sure she still gives a fuck.
I’m on a mission, so no, we’re not equals. (The music has purpose rather than mere self glorification. That in my opinion makes me a better musician than most.)
I elevate past the submission of my people. (I don't endorse any stereotype or racism.)
And this ain’t about selling records, or sequels,
This is Proffit T and I’m out to vanquish evil (I'm not in this for money, I'm doing it because it's what I believe in.)

(Chorus)
This is ground zero, I’m standing in the crater
I burned your city down, cause I’m the hooded caper (The Undertaker)
Night night to the game you niggas counting sheep.
The undertaker is here and I never sleep. (The industry is about dreaming rather than reality. I'm not.)

(Verse 2)
Reality is truth, based on fact not opinion
And thus begins the fundamental problem with religion (Personal opinion. I'm not religious. But I do believe in God.)
So my stance is monumental in the way we’re livin’ (I believe that my views are important to humanity.)
I was a sheep but now I’m among the wolves (Another reference to religion. I USED to claim Christianity.)
See I’m not married to the game so I don’t play by the rules ("The game" is rap.)
So I say fuck you phonies and your fake ass jewels
The issue with mainstream is they rape truth like a whore
Even if you grew up in the hood, you’re ass ain’t there anymore (I'm NOT from the hood and I don't claim to be. And neither should rappers who have million dollar estates.)
All your beautiful women and 20 inch rims that spinning
Ain’t got shit to do with the message somebody else’s ghostwritten (Bling Bling is stupid and unoriginal. Talk about your life/your viewpoints. And write your own music.)
So 90% of music is bullshit, and that’s a given
On creative hustle, I flexed my cerebral muscle.
No sleep, no lies, just a world-conflicted tussle. (I put thought into this, and it's a struggle against a giant: mainstream rap and record labels.)
I used to think power came from money, it's funny.
I'd rather have brains than bank cause you can’t take that from me. (KNOWLEDGE is power, not money.)
So fuck a benz, fuck a rolly, fuck a lexus. Bitch, I'll take yo watch and yo necklace.
And make you pay me protection, so take political correctness and SHOVE IT UP YO RECTUM! (Yep, I'm not the nicest person alive. And again I am anti-censorship.)
Lines, yeah I select em’. Ready to shoot cause I’m holdin’, to color correct em’. (A reference to film. I'm holding a camera.)
I disrespect em’. Ya’ll like rodents scared of your face, hiding your reflection. (Rappers almost never put their true identities into their music. I have no issue with thug rap, but if you aren't a thug then you're a fraud.)
That’s why I win this race without elections. And this is more than projection,
this is a social blessing, because insecurities being yourselves’ why I cock back my weapon! (My weapon is my writing. People are too insecure to talk about reality so I am blessing society with the wisdom to be themselves.)
And fuck the set that you’re repping, nigga your block don’t mean shit.
Like shouting area codes makes you less of a bitch? Please. (All that "123's my block!" crap is stupid.)
Take you to pearly gates and drop you to your knees. ("You" is the rap industry.)
Judgment day is here for the rap industry.
Five rounds in the six shooter, spin the cylinder twice,
cock the .357 Ruger and see if God saves your life.
(Gunshot)
Rest in peace mutha fuckas!!! (Obviously a higher power wants popular rap dead in my opinion. RIP Lil Wayne and others.)

- In order to resurrect hip hop, we have to bury the industry first. So welcome to the underground!
 
ROC said:
Yo Wheat I'ma 'bout to roll up on yoo wit' my 30 inch dubs. Sumbody's gonna haff tah cawl an am-bull-ance fo yoo, dissin' on hip hop. Get up out mah hood, I gots so much skrilla.

Fo' shizzle mah na'avi nizzle.
Click to expand...


40 acres and a backhoe solves a lot of problems.
 
ROC said:
Well if you actually want a real critique here it comes:

When I listen to hip hop (I rarely do, but Eminem is probably the best I have ever heard at this and possibly Tupac is up there as well) the style of rapping and rhyming that gets me pumped is the rhyming that doesn't happen in the last 2 syllables of every line but somewhere in the middle, possibly the beginning.

Also the syncopation of rhyming is important. The consonants of CH and K and T carefully plotted out - like Tupac and Eminem. Otherwise I just think I'm listening to a nursery rhyme.

I'd like to hear these lyrics put to a beat before I judge them and if that's the subject you want to write about be my guest - I respect how you said it has opinionated lines etc.. Did you have one running in the background while you wrote it? I'd be interested how it holds to a 4/4 116 BPM song.

Anyway... I didn't want to knock your lyrics so I tried to laugh off wheatgrinder's statement.

A good example of what I'm talking about where Eminem owns all on rapping is 50 Cent's song featuring him - Patiently Waiting. His rhythm and detail on the rhyming and phrasing and enunciating is just unreal.
Click to expand...

You would like my favorite rapper, Immortal Technique. He's lyrically amazing and the message in his music can be life altering.

I'll post a link when I record it.

I'm not sure what you mean by "one line running in the background" you mean like a theme?

I appreciate that.

Again, check out Immortal Technique. I'll be the first to admit that he's a much better musician than I am.
 
TI Irwin said:
Apparently I have to "translate" this for those of you who don't understand it.
Click to expand...

If you have to *translate* colloquial English for English speaking folks, then you haven't been successful in the conveyance of your message. IMO, of course.

I apologize but I cannot forward a critique as I am waiting for the melody.
 
I'm not that fond of hip hop at the best of times. I don't think I'll be changing my mind in the near future.

Surely this is just lyrics, rather than a song? It might be a bit more palatable as actual, you know, music.
 
wheatgrinder said:
When little Johny smears his poo on the wall, and his parents sigh and say "oh, inst our little boy talented!" The polite thing is to nod your head in agreement..

but when little Johnny aint so little anymore, SOMEBODY needs to tell him, and his parents, that poo on the wall, is just that.. POO!


Look Ti, you can obviously use the English language, your other posts are salient, clear etc, if your having a joke, then thats awesome, but do you REALLY want me to take this seriously?

Thanks
Click to expand...

Take it how you want to. It isn't a joke. And while I CAN speak clearly and eloquently, that isn't how I talk most of the time. (Well clearly, yes, but there are a lot of four letter words and slang in my day to day speech.)
 
TI Irwin said:
You would like my favorite rapper, Immortal Technique. He's lyrically amazing and the message in his music can be life altering.

I'll post a link when I record it.

I'm not sure what you mean by "one line running in the background" you mean like a theme?

I appreciate that.

Again, check out Immortal Technique. I'll be the first to admit that he's a much better musician than I am.
Click to expand...

Oh sorry man I meant to ask if you had a beat running in the background on speakers or something when you wrote the lyrics so you knew when it's on or off beat etc.
 
bird said:
If you have to *translate* colloquial English for English speaking folks, then you haven't been successful in the conveyance of your message. IMO, of course.

I apologize but I cannot forward a critique as I am waiting for the melody.
Click to expand...

Fair enough. Hip Hop enthusiasts will understand this easily and without translation. They are my true demographics.

Again, I'll link up with the audio version. I'm making the beat myself so I might be a second. For a preview of where I want to take the music as far as beats, I'll tell you that the melody is going to be based on J.S. Bach.
 
Not bad, TI!


Rap FACEOFF!



I Got Your Poetry Gig Right Here...

I got a tattooed Shelley on my washboard belly,
got some big brass pomes swingin' down below
with a rhymin' Willie and some dactyl blow.

I brought an urn for Keats and his sissy ode;
he can kiss the ass of my antipode.

Yeah, I'm a god of rhyme, and that's some straight-up wack,
and I can blank-verse slicker than that Wilbur hack.
I can beat it hard, or stroke it smooth as silk,
alliterate and shake like mama's malted milk.

You be sayin' God damn, how do he fly so high?
How do that sweet-writin' homie make his pantoum sigh?

Well I don't use no crack, no shimmy smack or booze,
just a hard-on Muse in her underoos.

So listen up muthahfuckas to my stanza blues,
to my cinq-cinquains, villanelles, haikus,
Burmese climbing rhymes, ghazals, renkus
to my tan rengas, to my raunch-senryus! Yo!
 
ROC said:
Oh sorry man I meant to ask if you had a beat running in the background on speakers or something when you wrote the lyrics so you knew when it's on or off beat etc.
Click to expand...

NP man.

Nope. That's probably a good suggestion, but I'm creating the beat myself (based on a rather inconsistent tempo piece of classical music I might add) so I can make it suit my needs.
 
Adeimantus said:
Not bad, TI!


Rap FACEOFF!



I Got Your Poetry Gig Right Here...

I got a tattooed Shelley on my washboard belly,
got some big brass pomes swingin' down below
with a rhymin' Willie and some dactyl blow.

I brought an urn for Keats and his sissy ode;
he can kiss the ass of my antipode.

Yeah, I'm a god of rhyme, and that's some straight-up wack,
and I can blank-verse slicker than that Wilbur hack.
I can beat it hard, or stroke it smooth as silk,
alliterate and shake like mama's malted milk.

You be sayin' God damn, how do he fly so high?
How do that sweet-writin' homie make his pantoum sigh?

Well I don't use no crack, no shimmy smack or booze,
just a hard-on Muse in her underoos.

So listen up muthahfuckas to my stanza blues,
to my cinq-cinquains, villanelles, haikus,
Burmese climbing rhymes, ghazals, renkus
to my tan rengas, to my raunch-senryus! Yo!
Click to expand...

That's the post I've been waiting for :) I love it!

Oh is this indended for battle? I suck at freestyle when I'm sober but I'll give it a shot.

I like your tatooed shelly, but me I make skellys.
Use the chopper to turn MC's into KY gelly.

Yeah I hear you about being rough or smooth.
Women usually complain about me, when I bust on their tooth.
My lyrics aren't the nicest, but I say it honestly.
So I slapped a couple vices with the prophecy.

Yes, I am Proffit T
That means a lot to me.
I'm like a broken furnace door so you can't block my heat.
And I like the way you put it, "stanza blues".
Too bad commercial entities don't see the likes of you.

But let's not fight it's cool.
Arguing online's for fools.
I'd rather be polite so I don't have to own.
Because rejected bars just create the tupac clones.
 
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