Thats a very sad story. I'm sorry for your loss. How long has it been? Did you get Therapy for this? How old are you now? You sound like a very jung person.What inspired me? Well it’s actually quite funny looking back for the first time. What inspired me to become a filmmaker?
Well you asked, and this is actually my first time on a forum like this where I can talk to other random filmmakers.
So, here’s my story.
It all began...with a story. When I was a kid, when I was like 5-6 I would make stories, it started with written stories. I would also watch and love films like pirates of the carribean and Star Wars. Always fascinated with those types of movies.
In the end I would make my own books as a kid, and I had a friend which we made stories together in our own little imaginary world lol. For instance we would pretend that we were kings and with our imaginations fought off enemy armies in our neighbourhood. Lord of the rings style lol. I can only imagine what others thought of us.
Random person: What are those two kids doin, swinging their wooden swords in mid air
Us: *Furiously stabbing and slaying dragons, enemy soldiers and leading epic armies in our minds.
Anyways, so yea that stage lasted for a few years it honestly all just started with the love for stories, fantasy, action and all that Jazz. Also (personally) believed in God so the stories we made up had him in it too.
Later on we actually got bullied (when we were 9 to 11) years old. Like we got bashed up and stuff and our cubby houses got destroyed and everything. I was sent to hospital, that drastically affected my view on storytelling.
I mean we tried to treat the bullies like we treated enemy armies in our imaginary world.
That it, (fight with valor, and win the day with courage and bravery). And we actually did fight for 3 long years against this gang of bullies every week. We just wouldn’t give up, you know films and movies would motivate me to keep going through the harsh times and to never let my self be beaten.
However when my friend moved away...I only had a handful of other friends left and they all betrayed me. They all decided to turn on me and joined the bullies. In the end it was me against a whole gang and I ended up in hospital wounded. It was the most embarrassing thing in my life. That I got defeated by the bullies I’d tried so hard to defeat for 3 years.
Yea so that made me realize...in me and my friends imaginary world we had always won, but real life taught me we don’t always win these things. It also taught me to keep getting up and when I decided to write a story next....
It was different, the story had moral things in it, like getting betrayed, losing friends, self doubt and the main characters personal journey. All this would contribute to later on when I would start filmmaking.
So yea, for the next 2 years I actually wrote and published some books on amazon. When I was 12 and 13.
Then, my books weren’t getting much sales. I mean I did get a 5 star review and a few purchases, and people were saying the stories were good but...I felt I could be getting so much more done that there was something else...
My stories weren’t getting enough attention through books, so, I decided to go after filmmaking.
Now, here comes the real big catalyst, cause and reason for me starting filmmaking....I mean all the previous things about me looking for a way to tell my stories was partly reason but....the biggest reason...funnily enough....was a girl.
She was a depressed, insecure girl, suicidal type. Every day I would motivate her to not hurt herself or be sad and...if it’s not obvious, I would tell my stories I’d made to her every night to make her happy. Seems a bit childish for a girl to be listening to stories, her being 14-15. Me around same at the time. But she was a truly depressed girl having lost everything. I won’t tell you why she was sad that would take ages lol. But yeah every night....for a year and a half I would tell her stories....and as she got more and more sad it would require me to make my stories more and more motivational.
To make my stories better and better.
During this time I was testing out filmmaking, making films for fun but I hadn’t decided to truly get into it yet. I was just the young noob guy. Sadly, we ended up having an argument before New Year’s Day on that year. And....for a few nights I couldn’t tell her my stories and during that time people bullied her and....bullied her really bad physically and online.
Basically....in New Year’s Day of that year she killed herself, drowned herself in a river, left behind a note and everything.
I was so devastated, I thought for so long that I had failed her. And a small part of me thought that my stories hadn’t been good enough, my stories had saved someone as depressed as her for a year and a half...that’s how powerful stories can be. And when I had stopped motivating her...she had killed herself.
Only then I realized the true potential, the motivational, spiritual potential that stories had on people’s lives.
To this day I still mourn her.
Ever-since her death, I made a promise to myself and to God. That I would create motivational movies. I realized how many other depressed people were out there and that books weren’t gonna reach them....books aren’t gonna reach the emo kids or the depressed self cutting people. Or the broken widows or fathers. Or the 70 million slaves that are in the world. (There are actually 70m right now).
But....films will....movies can make a difference.
So yeah that’s my reason for becoming a filmmaker.
For a while now for the past 2 years I’ve been working on a feature film. It has a few thousand dollar budget.
Yea so those are the reasons .
I must admit this reply is a bit outa the blue but yea
Im around 16 so a young filmmaker yes. I did talk to my family about it they were a bit supportive yea.Thats a very sad story. I'm sorry for your loss. How long has it been? Did you get Therapy for this? How old are you now? You sound like a very jung person.