archived-videos Unemployable is a Comedy Short Film

rockerrockstar

rockerrockstar

Here is the latest updated version of my comdey short film "Unemployable". I shortened it down a lot by editing it to 5 minutes long with credits.

The theme is unemployment and comedy from living home while unemployed. Titled "Unemployable". It jokes about interviewing over the phone and saying things that probably would not get you hired. It goes on to have a battle of action in the film in a fun way. Includes unusual methods of cleaning the house. I will leave the rest for your surprise.

Written, Acted, Directed, Filmed, and Edited by me ( Rob Lee).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRbWRRM4lRs
 
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@1:58 it's hard to hear the voice because it is so muffled- had to listen twice to get it
@2:06 jump cut looks kind of out of place
@2:09 you look straight into the camera(but doesn't seem intentional?)
@2:42 snow on lens
@6:34 I don't think the exercise shot really adds to the story
@10:28 you repeat the same exact trash-throwing shot that preceded it
@11:10 the cut to the coffee-peeing shot was funny and surprising
@13:02 it's very weird how the car disappears
@13:25 he says thank god it's a dream, maybe there's a way to avoid so much exposition-he seems to over-explain things(like when he sees that his car wasn't stolen)
I think these are just minor details that add up. I think a lot of the dialogue doesn't come off as funny because it isn't really surprising, nothing pulls the rug from under your feet. I think some longer, funny anecdotes would have been effective during the phone conversations. You seem to have put a lot of work into the sound, and it pays off IMO. Good effort, 'specially considering you did it all yourself!:)
 
it's much appreciated that u have done everything on ur own.. I agree with jrsmithson..

I'd love to see u find someone to work for u as cinematographer or actor..
good luck
 
That's fun.

Man, I can't imagine how painstaking it must be to film yourself. I agree with mahdy -- I think you'll have a much better time if you shoot other people.
 
Thanks guys. I probably will edit this one down some more. I all ready did some after getting your feed back jrsmithson. It seems to be never ending editing. Ha... The more I edit the better it gets so it seems. I will try to focus my energies on making it funnier too. I think I just got overwhelmed when I tried to reshoot a lot of the scenes and lost focus. I may try to see If I can make it funnier with some reshoots. But really with more actors it would have been much easier to make it funnier. I got ideas in my head on what I could have done. The old don't say it show it comes to my mind. I would have rather showed some of the craziness once I started talking about the particular story of reason of being fired. Etc.... Just short on actors and resources. But maybe next time.

This project is just the begining. I hope to actually have actors and a crew in the future. Then I would focus on writing a more planned out script and planning set design, etc... But thanks for the help guys.
 
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Some of those house cleaning ways remind me of another lifetime ;)

I'm seeing the edited version by the sounds of it, and I thought you put a lot of work into it! :)

I will admit I found the switch at points from the tripod to "first person" a little distracting (but I've done it as well lol).

I think it would have been a neat touch if instead of the car you drove in (a nice btw! Mustang) If you could have borrowed an old jalopy type car it would have added to the "tough times" theme you have going.

The pacing was good overall though :) I enjoyed it!

Kudos on editing it down to this size-do you find it flows better now?
 
Yeah you watched the edited version. I updated the link in the top post of this thread to the latest version.

I edited it down so it is fast paced thinking it would make it easier for the viewer to enjoy and not lose interest. That was my hope when I edited it down to a shorter version. I think it is much better shorter. I was trying to mimic the fast pace editing I see on tv and movies. Still working on polishing my editing skills. Hopefully I will get a better camera and can do high quality work in the near future.

I think that if I had a script fully written out a head of time it would have flowed better. I just threw this short together and brain stormed ideas to add to it and then edited and added more tell I thought it was about right. I think that some of it does not mesh really perfectly together. I did try to edit it down so that it worked together as best as possible.
 
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See the new and improve version of my edit for this short film. It is now 5 minutes with credits versus 7 minutes it was last time I posted it. The updated version is in the first post of this thread.
 
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It's awesome that you haven't let not having a crew or actors stop you from making a film. My hat's off to you. It's way kind of creepy too, but the bit about him peeing in the coffee and then his subsequent peeing in the coffee pot is funny. It ain't very polished, but you're way ahead of some of us armchair filmmakers in the learning process by just getting in there and getting your hands dirty in it.
 
This is a faaaaar improved cut, over the old one.

Why'd you go back to re-cutting this, btw, as opposed to getting on with another project?
 
I just wanted to improve my cutting. I wanted to see how much I could improve it too.

I don't have a decent camera. So that kinda turns me off. Second I moved and lost all my contacts that I had for people to help me do a better film. Third I just lost my job so I can't go buy a better camera right now. Hopefully in the future these issues will go away. I still may make some more shorts with my crappy camera. Ha...

One thing I focused on when cutting it this time was listening to the audio and thinking what it should sound like. I think that helped. I also focused on removing things that were not necessary to the story or did not add anything to make it funny or interesting.
 
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There are some pretty funny jokes in there. I agree with some of the other guys, that you would do a lot better filming other people, or having someone film you. Which ever you prefer. That way you can spend some extra time putting the whole thing together.:)
 
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