TRASH - Short Script

I have a question. Is it ethical to put a question mark following an exclamation mark at the end of a sentence? Like how he had in his dialogue. etc. "What do you want Shawn?!"
 
I have a question. Is it ethical to put a question mark following an exclamation mark at the end of a sentence? Like how he had in his dialogue. etc. "What do you want Shawn?!"
Not sure ethichs have anything to do with it. ;)

But, yes. A question mark followed by an exclamation point is the correct way to convey a question expressed with high energy (excited, incredulous, angry, etc.). They go in that order, too: question mark first, exclamation point second.
 

directorik

IndieTalk's Resident Guru
I have a question. Is it ethical to put a question mark following an exclamation mark at the end of a sentence? Like how he had in his dialogue. etc. "What do you want Shawn?!"
Ethics: the discipline dealing with what is good and bad and with moral duty and obligation.

There is nothing unethical (not conforming to a high moral standard : morally wrong)
with using both. Certain scholars - people that think they're smarter than everyone acting
like douche bags - might take issue with that use. In a screenplay it's perfectly acceptable.
 
Wow, I went back through and yeah there are a lot of typos. No one said anything negative, so I'm kinda worried. Is that everything? No more comments on the story or anything I could improve on? Just want to make sure I have my bases covered. I also felt the pace was fast, but it's a short so maybe that doesn't matter so much.
 
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No one said anything negative, so I'm kinda worried.
Your rewrite, in which you took plenty of advice from this thread, made the dialog and action more natural. You set up an appearance of the sick dude in the bathroom, which makes his next appearance a little less out-of-the-blue. The advice could be called "negative" because it pointed out some things that just didn't work, but you're confident enough to to take it as a "positive", which it is because it's meant to help you build what you started and to steer you in a better direction.

Would you be less worried if someone said it was garbage and should never be made into a film? I mean, that would certainly be blatantly untrue, but at least it's negative. ;)

Seriously, your second draft is vastly improved. It feels better. It flows better. You're on a good path!

The only thing that didn't flow quite as well, for me, in the second draft is in the fight scene. They're beating the creature, then suddenly having a conversation about "you sneak up behind him...". There's no break in the action here, and that's a conversation that I wouldn't think would take place mid-fight and in front of the adversary. Does that make sense?

Side note: "This.isn't.working." I dig that line. It's funny. I hear him saying that with each impact of the frying pan. That's a method of beat writing that has evolved in Internet and text speak and isn't correct outside of that, but it's a simple fix: "This. Isn't. Working." (You could also use ellipses: ...)
 
Yeah, it was supposed to be like they were whispering to each it other away from the monster, but I didn't make that clear obviously.

Haha, I'm so happy you picked up on that line. That's exactly what I had in mind when I wrote it.

I think I'm a good writer, but for all I know that could all be in my head. I guess I think i'm worse than I am.
 
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I guess I think i'm worse than I am.
You are your own worst critic.

There's no shame in being self-critical; that's drive to hone your craft. (If it becomes crippling, then that needs to be addressed.)

Ability to put yourself out there, listen to constructive criticism, and use the advice with gratitude = confidence.

Inability to take criticism, and assumption that you've already got it figured out = ignorance. Or arrogance. Often, the line between the two is rather blurry.
 
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