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Touching up a short [animated] film..is this shot over-used?

hey, everyone. like a lot of filmmakers, I'm hardly satisfied with the end result. but this one of my little animated films really gets to me...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kFTsOzC8xk


I'm aware it's not that good. but I think it has potential to be A LOT better than what I settled for, so I'm going back to polish it up. re-working the opening a bit, completely re-animating some quick shots, but anyways, the reason behind my little post here is to ask you all if this revised shot I have planned is, well, over-used. I definitely do not want to run with a cliche shot. this is my alternative ending, seeing as how I cannot direct or stage "romantic" material worth a crap [as you saw, if you watched it].

after the "doctor" p.o.v. shot and the cut to black, a close up of nhyte's eye slowly opens, revealing the nameless man's green iris. cut to black. begin end credits.

and that's it. very simple. despite how time consuming that final head turn was to animate, I'm definitely willing to cut it if the project works better without it. my concern about this shot began once I saw "Avatar". believe it or not, the nameless man's eyes were YELLOW once. needless to say, I changed the color.
 
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The idea of the romance was initially lost on me mainly because of her expression when first revealed. Her brow is lowered over her eyes, so what I suspect was meant to be a gleeful expression looks more like an evil grin. What I expect are tears almost looked like scars.

Rather than cut it, you could expand it a little. Since the story spans over a year, perhaps montage her looking after him in small ways (helping him up, leading him around, fixing his hair). All the while he's never understanding a word she's saying. And then perhaps make her just a bit more attractive by raising the brow above the eyes so she doesn't look mischievous.

But, yes, with as successful as Avatar was, ending with his eyes opening might not be the best choice. The way it is now shows more originality, IMO. But it's your movie and your choice. :)
 
well, I mean, I know it's impossible to create a unique shot in this age, but I figured I should ask others if it's become a sort of cliche shot. lol. those are the ones I need to stay away from. like the character holding the corpse and screaming [or vice versa], where it comes off instantly campy. I guess it's not one of those shots, huh?......I don't know, I'm a paranoid guy. thanks for watching and replying, both of you! really appreciated.
 
The idea of the romance was initially lost on me mainly because of her expression when first revealed. Her brow is lowered over her eyes, so what I suspect was meant to be a gleeful expression looks more like an evil grin. What I expect are tears almost looked like scars.

Rather than cut it, you could expand it a little. Since the story spans over a year, perhaps montage her looking after him in small ways (helping him up, leading him around, fixing his hair). All the while he's never understanding a word she's saying. And then perhaps make her just a bit more attractive by raising the brow above the eyes so she doesn't look mischievous.

But, yes, with as successful as Avatar was, ending with his eyes opening might not be the best choice. The way it is now shows more originality, IMO. But it's your movie and your choice. :)

thanks a lot for the advice. I think I won't even mess with romance. I never really liked the idea of it anyway. what was more appealing to me than them being in love was the fact that they [seemingly] populate the human race in that dimension. I admit I'm pretty ashamed of sharing this one with you all, lol. I mean, the ending really kills it for me...I'm still going back and forth on the eye decision. it's quite different than "avatar", but again, I definitely don't want it to appear as a rip...maybe with a fade out rather than a cut to black...[hey, it's a subtle difference but a difference nonetheless...]
 
I LOVE the closing shot of Avatar. But most people I speak to don't even remember that closing image. In conversations, I'll mention that the movie opens and closes with Sully openning his eyes, and people are like, "really"? Filmmakers remember this kind of stuff. Normal people are oblivious. I don't think the shot is cliche, not one bit. I don't think anyone is gonna see your animation and think, "aww, man, that's the Avatar shot". You're safe.
 
I LOVE the closing shot of Avatar. But most people I speak to don't even remember that closing image. In conversations, I'll mention that the movie opens and closes with Sully openning his eyes, and people are like, "really"? Filmmakers remember this kind of stuff. Normal people are oblivious. I don't think the shot is cliche, not one bit. I don't think anyone is gonna see your animation and think, "aww, man, that's the Avatar shot". You're safe.

alright, thanks for helping to put my usual paranoia to rest. very appreciated. I admit I don't really know a lot about filmmaking [certainly not about camera work and staging and well known shots], so I had to ask those who do. lol. I'm more of an animator than filmmaker, although I don't think I've earned either of those titles just yet.

anyways, thanks, everyone. I've gotta say, I love indietalk. definitely a comfortable environment.
 
I LOVE the closing shot of Avatar. But most people I speak to don't even remember that closing image. In conversations, I'll mention that the movie opens and closes with Sully openning his eyes, and people are like, "really"? Filmmakers remember this kind of stuff. Normal people are oblivious. I don't think the shot is cliche, not one bit. I don't think anyone is gonna see your animation and think, "aww, man, that's the Avatar shot". You're safe.

It's called bookending. Very common. The final scene shows how the character has transformed.

But I can't say I entirely agree with you because I would certainly make the connection. Ask people who have seen the movie more than once.

I mean, think about it. Jared's character is on another world. There is (or was) a romantic element. And he's physically transformed (although to a lesser degree). If the final shot is on the eyes opening with the implication of new life... Well, you can figure it out from there. Granted, there's not much of an abduction element in Avatar because Jake went on his own free will, but in the special extended edition, his life on Earth established that he didn't have much choice.

Jared, bottom line, it's your art. These are all just opinions. Filmmakers experiment with different endings all the time and do test screenings. Cut it both ways, and then solicit an audience that isn't so film savvy and see which one they like better. Me? I like what you already have and think you could polish it to accomplish your original intention. In an alien world, that human connection would keep him sane.

:cheers:
 
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It's called bookending. Very common. The final scene shows how the character has transformed.

But I can't say I entirely agree with you because I would certainly make the connection. Ask people who have seen the movie more than once.

I mean, think about it. Jared's character is on another world. There is (or was) a romantic element. And he's physically transformed (although to a lesser degree). If the final shot is on the eyes opening with the implication of new life... Well, you can figure it out from there. Granted, there's not much of an abduction element in Avatar because Jake went on his own free will, but in the special extended edition, his life on Earth established that he didn't have much choice.

Jared, bottom line, it's your art. These are all just opinions. Filmmakers experiment with different endings all the time and do test screenings. Cut it both ways, and then solicit an audience that isn't so film savvy and see which one they like better. Me? I like what you already have and think you could polish it to accomplish your original intention. In an alien world, that human connection would keep him sane.

:cheers:

Yeah, the people I was referring to have probably only seen it once. I agree with all of this, especially your advice to just do both cuts, and see which one works.

:cheers:
 
Speaking as someone who's only seen the movie once, I didn't remember that that's how the film ended. I wouldn't worry about the average film viewer recognizing that shot, but those who do will tend to accuse you of being a copycat. So you should try and strike a balance...
 
It's called bookending. Very common. The final scene shows how the character has transformed.

But I can't say I entirely agree with you because I would certainly make the connection. Ask people who have seen the movie more than once.

I mean, think about it. Jared's character is on another world. There is (or was) a romantic element. And he's physically transformed (although to a lesser degree). If the final shot is on the eyes opening with the implication of new life... Well, you can figure it out from there. Granted, there's not much of an abduction element in Avatar because Jake went on his own free will, but in the special extended edition, his life on Earth established that he didn't have much choice.

Jared, bottom line, it's your art. These are all just opinions. Filmmakers experiment with different endings all the time and do test screenings. Cut it both ways, and then solicit an audience that isn't so film savvy and see which one they like better. Me? I like what you already have and think you could polish it to accomplish your original intention. In an alien world, that human connection would keep him sane.

:cheers:

ah, yeah, I figured recognizing the similarties would be inevitable, especially when considering the fact that both the protagonists are from other planets..lol. but yeah, I think I'll do that. I really want to get rid of all traces of the "romance". I always love endings in which it's left off a little bit in the "unknown" [no pun intended], not to hint at a sequel, but to just leave it up to speculation, rather than tie up every single loose end...but yeah, I think I'll re-cut it and re-post it here if anyone wants to take a look and let me know what they think. I'm really leaning towards the "eye" ending now. once he gets his sight back, I doubt there's really anything left worth telling.
 
The idea of the romance was initially lost on me mainly because of her expression when first revealed. Her brow is lowered over her eyes, so what I suspect was meant to be a gleeful expression looks more like an evil grin. What I expect are tears almost looked like scars.

Rather than cut it, you could expand it a little. Since the story spans over a year, perhaps montage her looking after him in small ways (helping him up, leading him around, fixing his hair). All the while he's never understanding a word she's saying. And then perhaps make her just a bit more attractive by raising the brow above the eyes so she doesn't look mischievous.

But, yes, with as successful as Avatar was, ending with his eyes opening might not be the best choice. The way it is now shows more originality, IMO. But it's your movie and your choice. :)

oh, and thanks for the criticism over Ai's appearance. I admit, I sadly rushed this thing in hopes of getting it to a small festival, made it in a little over two months. I know rushing a project is the last thing to do, and luckly I now have the time to go in and polish it up. I think I'll just cut revealing her altogether in the end.
 
Speaking as someone who's only seen the movie once, I didn't remember that that's how the film ended. I wouldn't worry about the average film viewer recognizing that shot, but those who do will tend to accuse you of being a copycat. So you should try and strike a balance...

right. I really don't know how to end the short any other way now..hm..I'll probably mess with the music and ending transition. not much, but it may help differentiate it from Avatar a bit..
 
Jared,
Move on. This is good as is. You told a good story. I want another! Learn from your mistakes, dont just keep revisiting them....

ah, I really tried to move on. but I'm the kind of guy who can't tell another story until his last one is as good as he can get it. and there are still things that can be done so much better..just a few re-shoots and touch ups, a re-cut ending, and it's done. so close...but thanks for all the input, everyone. hopefully I can get better and better with each project.
 
I wrote a radically different ending. will message those who want to know. [nothing really unique, but I just want to see who's interested enough to message.]
 
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sent. maybe I'm putting too much thought into this and should move on, but I just really want to pay respects to the iconic 50s sci fi, and feel that my first cut hardly did the job.
 
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