Too Quiet
- Thread starter indietalk
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How To Shower Like a Woman:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror, check your butt - make mental note to do more sit-ups, leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loran, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray potential mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake pecker at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your pecker and scratch your ass. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire pecker size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake pecker at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror, check your butt - make mental note to do more sit-ups, leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loran, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray potential mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake pecker at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your pecker and scratch your ass. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire pecker size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake pecker at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
Thanks for that. Way to make a grand entrance!
A baby reindeer walked into a club!
Ok, so maybe that was a little brutal, and maybe even wrong, but anyways I got to make like a fetus and head out
Some letters written to St. Nick this year, complete with responses!! It must drive poor Santa crazy to read all those letters. You have to admire the man's passion:
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in ahurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom,who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream.Let me send you some Lego's instead. Santa
Dear Santa,I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please,PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?Love, Timmy
Dear Timmy, that whiney begging stuff may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa
Ok, so maybe that was a little brutal, and maybe even wrong, but anyways I got to make like a fetus and head out
Some letters written to St. Nick this year, complete with responses!! It must drive poor Santa crazy to read all those letters. You have to admire the man's passion:
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in ahurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom,who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream.Let me send you some Lego's instead. Santa
Dear Santa,I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please,PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?Love, Timmy
Dear Timmy, that whiney begging stuff may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa
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Ok, then ... I've just added a depth of field illustration to my personal web-page ...
Depth of Field - illustrated
It's nothing new for old timers, but its something.
Depth of Field - illustrated
It's nothing new for old timers, but its something.
someone say something... anything
And so it was, the beginning of the end of the beginning.
Poke
INT. Santa's Den - Night
Santa sits NUDE with his feet up on the ARMOIRE and a glass of BRANDY in his hand. From the kitchen, a SCUFFLE is heard.
SANTA
Who's there? ... Jessica?
A WHIR and a SPLAT come from the kitchen, followed by a heavy thud. Santa gets up and dons his ROBE, hiding his forgotten and unkempt GENITALIA.
SANTA
Ho, ho, ho?
Santa opens the door to the kitchen and sees the body of RUDOLPH on the kitchen floor, slumped on it's side. The HEAD is MANGLED and PULPY, his RED NOSE sheered off. Santa sees the nose still alight inside the BLENDER. Around it, on the COUNTER, is reindeer BLOOD and SKULL.
Santa falls to his knees, but behind his EYES is a fuming RAGE.
CUT TO:
EXT. IGLOO - NIGHT
Santa silently slams himself against the side of the IGLOO, AK-47 raised to the side.
SANTA
This is for Rudolph and Blitzen, you sick fuck...
Santa turns and KICKS the icy DOOR inwards. Storming in, he finds his ARCH-NEMESIS FROSTY sipping EGG NOG.
FROSTY
Come in, sit down. Have some Nog.
SANTA
The only reason I haven't killed you yet, snowman, is so
you can tell me why you did it.
FROSTY
I underestimated you. I thought it would take longer for
you to solve.
SANTA
There's only one bastard on this planet sick enough to
do that to Rudolph.
Santa aims the machine gun at Frosty.
FROST
Do what you will. I regret nothing. And I'll be back next year...
Santa BLOWS Frosty's head off. Bits of ICE and SNOW splatter around the igloo.
SANTA
I'm gonna make sure you and your kind are destroyed once and for all.
CUT TO:
INT/EXT. MONTAGE
Santa goes from HOUSE TO HOUSE, destroying the SNOWMEN in lawns; kicking them, burning them, shooting them, etc.
After finishing his RAMPAGE, he hunkers down to a bench and INJECTS HEROIN.
Santa lies back and goes to sleep.
He opens his eyes and sits up. Across the street from his bench, TWO CHILDREN are making a snowman.
A TEAR comes to Santa's eye.
SANTA
There must be some way to stop them all...
Santa looks over and sees a PAMPHLET about GLOBAL WARMING. He smirks. He lights a CIGARETTE.
Hohoho..
You asked. Sorry in advance.
I ask this as a serious question, as maybe some of you have a relative or friend that is blind and this is something I have pondered for a long time:
Can a blind person have dreams?
To keep it from being too broad a question, can they have dreams in color and/or images?
I do have my personal theory on the matter- I have come to understand that when a person is missing one of the five senses, their other 4 operating senses become more potent. So, I would reckon that it would be possible for a blind person's brain to translate touch, smell, audio into a form of image. "Upconvert," if you will. Can anybody offer any knowledge?
Also, I (and likely most of you) sort of talk to myself when I am reading or thinking deep. In other words, I can hear myself think. I hope I explained that correct. My question is- can a deaf person do the same? I, too, have a theory here- I would guess that they would "hear" or think in sign-language. Just an educated guess.
Of course, I am referring to people who NEVER had these senses, and not somebody who lost them.
Can a blind person have dreams?
To keep it from being too broad a question, can they have dreams in color and/or images?
I do have my personal theory on the matter- I have come to understand that when a person is missing one of the five senses, their other 4 operating senses become more potent. So, I would reckon that it would be possible for a blind person's brain to translate touch, smell, audio into a form of image. "Upconvert," if you will. Can anybody offer any knowledge?
Also, I (and likely most of you) sort of talk to myself when I am reading or thinking deep. In other words, I can hear myself think. I hope I explained that correct. My question is- can a deaf person do the same? I, too, have a theory here- I would guess that they would "hear" or think in sign-language. Just an educated guess.
Of course, I am referring to people who NEVER had these senses, and not somebody who lost them.
LOL... perfect.
and TB1 comes in with the heavy hitting Deep thoughts...wow.
Spat..I totally want to shot that script for the compThat kicks snow-butt!
Its amazing how easily the questions COULD be answered, but I have never had any luck, so they continue to be theory. (they continue to baffle me as well)
I can picture me on my death bed, and exactly 1 second before my last breath, somebody answers my ultimate questions. Sad part would be that my heart monitor machine would start beeping endlessly, fittingly causing me to miss a couple key words in the answers and ultimately NOT having them answered after all. Found this a little while back- it sort of goes along with Spatula's script:
T'was quiet on the board, this Holiday Season
Not a member was posting, even the Kiwi named Steven
Forum Topics grow stale with each passing day,
because no one around has anything to say.
When Spatula is nestled all snug in his bed
I've often wondered what goes on in his head.
And the moderators, restless, with not much to do
Should I find some SPAM to post just for you?
Then suddenly the home page showed a lone chatter
I sprang to my keyboard to see what was the matter
Into the chat room... hope I have the latest version of flash
I clicked on the button and suddenly I gasped
For what to my wondering eyes did appear?
A room full of chatters with holiday cheer.
One by one they steadily came
So many were there, too many to name
There was Spatula, Poke, Wideshot and Filmy,
Clive, Indietalk, Oakstreet, and Knightly
Their chatter flew by with a blinding fury
Did Zoolio just say something about Marie Curie?
What caused this outbreak of activity
Surely it happened, and was more than a dream
Then it came to me, was made crystal clear
I know absolutely why these chatters were here
T'was not the holiday season they discuss
But the Script to Screen Challege, that's been given to us
Techniques, strategies, secrets and ...uh, skin
(Spatula and Poke were there afterall)
Good luck to you all, and may the best film win!
Not a member was posting, even the Kiwi named Steven
Forum Topics grow stale with each passing day,
because no one around has anything to say.
When Spatula is nestled all snug in his bed
I've often wondered what goes on in his head.
And the moderators, restless, with not much to do
Should I find some SPAM to post just for you?
Then suddenly the home page showed a lone chatter
I sprang to my keyboard to see what was the matter
Into the chat room... hope I have the latest version of flash
I clicked on the button and suddenly I gasped
For what to my wondering eyes did appear?
A room full of chatters with holiday cheer.
One by one they steadily came
So many were there, too many to name
There was Spatula, Poke, Wideshot and Filmy,
Clive, Indietalk, Oakstreet, and Knightly
Their chatter flew by with a blinding fury
Did Zoolio just say something about Marie Curie?
What caused this outbreak of activity
Surely it happened, and was more than a dream
Then it came to me, was made crystal clear
I know absolutely why these chatters were here
T'was not the holiday season they discuss
But the Script to Screen Challege, that's been given to us
Techniques, strategies, secrets and ...uh, skin
(Spatula and Poke were there afterall)
Good luck to you all, and may the best film win!
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Yeah, it isn't here anymore is it.. I forgot about that. 
