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screenplay Three page Horror Script (pool shark)

sfoster

sfoster

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had an idea today and wanted to run with it. nothing fancy.
Wrote this in about 90 minutes. I hope you enjoy the high quality content 😄

Story premise: A pool is haunted by a shark. If you swim alone prepare to be killed by a shark attack.
This summer - NO POOL WILL FEEL SAFE! It is.... POOL SHARK

7/5 9 AM && 10 AM again updated with Unknown Screenwriter's feedback.
UPDATED to a second draft. One month later it's now six pages.
drive.google.com

HauntedShark.pdf

drive.google.com drive.google.com

Old original draft:
drive.google.com

Pool Shark.pdf

drive.google.com drive.google.com
 
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mlesemann said:
That's totally a horror comedy! And good comedy scripts don't have jokes in them, they're just funny.

I think you should find someone who has a pool and would let you shoot it - inflatable shark, some fake blood, you're all set.

It's crazy but I like it. Certainly no crazier than Sharknado :)
Click to expand...

i'm currently living in a pool house. I was thinking CGI shark though.
 
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Mara is right, it's not about writing jokes it's about knowing humor. The comedy gold is when they act so serious but it is ridiculous so you laugh. Plus, the campy stuff. Evil Dead, etc.
 
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LOL. Just finished reading it. I think it's funny and the interesting thing is... Although I cannot provide you with a link or anything but believe it or not? Many people -- especially children who've seen movies like JAWS, DEEP BLUE SEA, THE SHALLOWS, SHARKNADO series, etc. will NOT go into swimming pools because their fear of getting attacked by sharks. No, it doesn't make sense to those of us who know this can't possibly happen but there are a lot of people out there who even though they understand it can't happen, the FEAR is REAL and thus, they won't go swimming. Not in a pool, pond, lake, or river... Let alone the ocean.

I only mention this because WHAT IF?

I mean seriously... What if there was a way this COULD happen? Some sort of portal from another dimension or who the hell knows. Believe it or not, if done the right way? This is high concept and if done correctly (probably as a feature), could be another SHARKNADO. LOL. I mean I can barely sit through SHARKNADO or any of the sequels but there are millions of audience members who love it.

Not that you'd want to even make something like this but as a micro budget feature? I do think there's potential. Couldn't be any worse than ZOMBEAVERS. LOL. I think IT even has a friggin' sequel.

Hey... You never know.
 
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indietalk said:
Okay I read it now. Sure, it's doable. Needs something more not sure what... that's up to you. :)
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Well it has a super cliche horror movie opening with nothing creative mixed into the opening scene.
The characters are all bland and dont stand out against each other. but the concept is great. definitely its a good start to get the ball rolling.

Unknown Screenwriter said:
LOL. Just finished reading it. I think it's funny and the interesting thing is... Although I cannot provide you with a link or anything but believe it or not? Many people -- especially children who've seen movies like JAWS, DEEP BLUE SEA, THE SHALLOWS, SHARKNADO series, etc. will NOT go into swimming pools because their fear of getting attacked by sharks. No, it doesn't make sense to those of us who know this can't possibly happen but there are a lot of people out there who even though they understand it can't happen, the FEAR is REAL and thus, they won't go swimming. Not in a pool, pond, lake, or river... Let alone the ocean.

I only mention this because WHAT IF?

I mean seriously... What if there was a way this COULD happen? Some sort of portal from another dimension or who the hell knows. Believe it or not, if done the right way? This is high concept and if done correctly (probably as a feature), could be another SHARKNADO. LOL. I mean I can barely sit through SHARKNADO or any of the sequels but there are millions of audience members who love it.

Not that you'd want to even make something like this but as a micro budget feature? I do think there's potential. Couldn't be any worse than ZOMBEAVERS. LOL. I think IT even has a friggin' sequel.

Hey... You never know.
Click to expand...

Well the whole notion of a phobia is that its an irrational fear. So no amount of rationalization can impact the fear you feel because it does not come from a place of rationality. This is amazing that you have links of people being afraid of sharks in swimming pools. Feels like my script has been legitimized!

For such a short film I dont want to go into the details of how or why its happening - and if you think about it - if something like this really were happening would we ever understand why?

Thats definitely the soul of the movie. trying to make people afraid of swimming pools.
To do for swimming pools what Jaws did for the ocean.
 
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Here's my nickel (ok, penny) worth of opinion:

Buy an inflatable shark for ten bucks (I checked on line), round up a couple of people for a few hours, and shoot this. Doesn't have to be perfect, just do it. Add a can opener, and you've got a submission to the monthly competition here. Or don't. But either way, shoot it baby :)
 
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mlesemann said:
Here's my nickel (ok, penny) worth of opinion:

Buy an inflatable shark for ten bucks (I checked on line), round up a couple of people for a few hours, and shoot this. Doesn't have to be perfect, just do it. Add a can opener, and you've got a submission to the monthly competition here. Or don't. But either way, shoot it baby :)
Click to expand...

My reputation cant withstand that kind of low quality film making.. people like my parents will look at it and believe its the full extent of my capabilities.
And theyre the most likely investors with all the money if i ever tried to make a feature film in the future. I cant make garbage.

I do really love the pool shark idea though and im even growing fond of how stupid the opening scene is. It kinda matches the film tone.
Maybe I would go in the opposite direction. Rent a professional camera, find a VFX artist and spend 2 weekends on it.
 
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That original script was written in 90 minutes lol.

NEW VERSION AVAILABLE!! (Original post updated)

This is now a film about mental illness.
And the lead character is an 11 year old girl.

I've got a few scripts in the bag now for when I find a child star :director:
 
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Unknown Screenwriter said:
Read it... Got some notes attached to the pdf as yellow stickies. Good luck with it!
Click to expand...

Thanks! I'll have to clarify some of whats in the script lol

DAD They never found her body. Maybe it was a shark
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This was supposed to be a sarcastic joke. and then like, make a spooky gesture afterward.
I can imagine your reaction when you read it literal 😄
 
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Unknown Screenwriter said:
Read it... Got some notes attached to the pdf as yellow stickies. Good luck with it!
Click to expand...

I've updated the script in response to your notes. Agree with every note about tightening dialogue.

Couple things I rejected
1 Film is about mental illness. opening scene woman's phobia is darkness. and mans phobia is paruresis.
So it's not possible for him to pee in the pool with someone next to him.

2 I have paruresis and interstital cystitis .. my bladder sucks.
I have been in the bathroom talking to myself saying stuff like that in my real life lol and you say people dont do it and its contrived but I totally get that life is stranger than fiction. a lot of stuff from real life doesn't work and seems fake in movies. I tweaked the dialogue a little in the bathroom, shortened and removed the rest of it like you suggested and updated the OP for anyone else that reads.

Thanks. a couple of your notes are just 'be funnier' but then i was funnier lol so the script definitely got improved
 
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LOL. I get what you're saying... But NOBODY is going to know the MAN has paruresis from what you've written thus far. Nobody is going to get that reference at all unless there's some exposition about it somewhere but since the film AIN'T about him? You don't need it.
 
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Unknown Screenwriter said:
LOL. I get what you're saying... But NOBODY is going to know the MAN has paruresis from what you've written thus far. Nobody is going to get that reference at all unless there's some exposition about it somewhere but since the film AIN'T about him? You don't need it.
Click to expand...

Once he says he can't go if she rushes him - anybody that has the condition will immediately recognize it.
 
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Unknown Screenwriter said:
In other words... It's a little HOMAGE to those with paruresis.
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It's all centered around my life experience with phoba.

the oldest phobia i remember experiencing is fear of dark
around 2nd grade in arizona i would experience fear of pool sharks
sometime in middle school I developed paruresis / fear of urination in socially adjacent situations

I scanned my memories when I was writing this script and I think these are the only 3 phobias I personally lived so I wanted to include all 3
 
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