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Thoughts?

insert_cliche_here

insert_cliche_here

Okay, my nieces boyfriend is organising the showcase for their acting academy this year and he asked me to write some short scenes with one to three people that they could use. They don't have to be part of a whole piece, because they'll just be performing single scenes. They also need to be fairly family friendly. This is a new concept for me lol. Anyway, I've written one.

https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B-4oNStFi4uSNzM5ZWUyNDMtMGM4My00NmYwLWIzMWQtNWI2ZjE0NzI4ZjFm&hl=en

This is for stage btw, with no scene dressings or anything too fancy, hence the lack of descriptive. And the actors have got day jobs, if you know what I mean. This isn't a Royal Shakespeare Company production. And also I've got no clue how to write for stage, I don't even know how to write for screen, so there's probably a few formatting mistakes in there.

Anyway, for what it is, a single stand alone scene, that does not need to explain the rest of the plot or anything, what do you guys think?

Also, anyone got any ideas for more scenes? He needs several.
 
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I just gave it a quick look, but it’s not bad.

*Some variation in the way each speaks might help, so they don't sound like the same person.

*As it progresses and they have the conversation, maybe give them something incidental to do, like one touches up her makeup, the other one does something else.


*Maybe try to set up the Snake Pit exposition a little less blatantly by offsetting it with curiosity.

A: I remember the 1st time I met you.
B: Was… 4th of July -at the park, wasn’t it?
A: No, it was at the Snake Pit, on your anniversary and…


*I really like the “..empty bed, quiet house..” line. I think you could add a 3rd thing to it that puts it over the top. Something like “..in an empty bed, in a quiet house, in a world filled with people just the same as him, loners till the end.” , or something.


-Thanks-
 
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Excellent tips, thank you very much. One thing I thought of when I was trying to sleep this morning was that they aren't really doing anything besides stand there and talk, and from what I know about plays making use of the space is really important. So I'll fix all these things up.
Thanks again :)
 
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Yes but just make sure it isn't completely arbitrary movement. I'm not saying crafting movement in because it's getting boring or stagnant is wrong.

Just make sure it's got some motivation behind it. Make it tell you something about the character or situation.

At least that's what they told me in acting classes. Don't just walk to the other side of the room unless you have a motivation.

:)
 
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directorik said:
Ever seen or read "Waiting for Godot"?

A couple of guys standing and around and talking can be riveting.
Click to expand...

I haven't seen it but I read it a long time ago. I remember liking it, but I should reread it, I was in high school and I probably didn't get half of it.

Out of curiosity, what did the DP/director do, camera movement-wise, to keep the eye interested. I'm not saying that the dialog isn't interesting enough on it's own to want to continue, but it couldn't just be the same two shots back and forth, can it?

Does the filming style of it come into play in your opinion? Or was it just the writing that makes it good?
 
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Additional ideas:

You'd need a couple of folding chairs for some of these. 4 in total. (should be able to dig those up around a stage)

Three person scene. (four if you wanted to add a cop pulling people them over) Arrange them in two rows of two, facing forward and you've got a road trip. The entire scene is dialog about why they're heading down to Florida for spring break. The person in the back continues to read the billboards aloud, and then get yelled at. If spring break isn't your cup of tea, make it a college. Have at it.

Two person scene. Arrange the same seats in two rows that face inward at each other and you've got a diner booth and a relationship breakup over mundane nonsense. It's up to you if they get back together by the end of it or not. One person can be left crying in their soup for a bit more intensity.

Four person scene. Strap hangers riding in on the subway. People get on and off the train. One person monologue about their last day on the job.

Two person scene. Soldiers in a foxhole. They talk about what they'll be doing after the war. One person dies.

One person scene. Janitor sweeping up, questioning why he/she does what they do. Cleaning up after kids in school. Use the chairs again if you have them. If you need to have more people, have them play kids who get dismissed from class at the beginning of the scene. Janitor enters as they leave. Lights dim, soft spotlight. You get the idea.

Four person scene. Diner again. Short order cook. Waiters and waitresses come in picking up orders. The cook talks about how he'd proposed to his girl. (or if it's a girl, reverse roles)



Ok, I'm hungry. Breakfast time. These are all the ones that rolled out of my brain at the moment. If you decide you like any of them and want a hand fleshing them out, please let me know. If you've got it from here, take them and make 'em your own. If you wanna pass on 'em, that's fine too... just imagine me doing that thing you do as a kid where you stick out your tongue, put your hands up on either side of your head and making raspberry sounds. ;)
 
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lol. thanks for the ideas. i'll see what i can do with them. i particularly like the road trip one because the actors are all 17-19 so that could work. except they'd be going to schoolies on the gold coast lol.
thanks again :) much appreciated
 
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