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synopsis The Last Little Girl (Redux) logline and synopsis

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wheatgrinder

OK, Im in last rewrite of my last little girl script (short, 20, 30 pages), and being the fool I am, I'm starting over.. not throwing anything out, just steeping back….

Help me tighten up the log line and synopsis..

So, starting with a logline..

A little girl and her father battle an alien menace for the soul of planet earth.

Synopsis:

For several years, the enormous golden star ship has floated in the sky over rural country side, silent and impassive, ignoring humanity. As the world slowly rebuilds from upheaval caused by the arrival, something has changed! Birth rates are steadily declining, sick and injured people and animals are consumed in cold golden flames just before death; it is slow burn to the end of the human race and humanity is just too tired to care. In this strange new world Lyn, who may be the last little girl on earth, helps her father James prepare to rescue her mother and siblings from the golden ship.

It is during one such rescue attempt that James is mortally wounded and is consumed in golden flames. Lyn strikes out on her own to rescue her family. Lost, hurt an alone, she is helped by her father, who is now aboard the star-ship, and together they discover the true purpose of the alien ship and battle to defeat the menace in time to rekindle the fading spark of humanity.
 
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Certainly influenced by what I see and like..

Most the synopsis given is back story and is not completely addressed in the script. The indicting incident of dad going up in flames is withing the first few pages. After that its pretty small in scope, just the daughter, the dad and how they defeat the aliens. Sub plot of how she grows up along the way and meets her destiny. A nice scifi reveal about the truth, not a big special effect, just an interesting scifi premise. It has lots of daddy \ daughter family togetherness angle, should I try and express that aspect in the synopsis?

danjama,
I am writing this to make my self, so "how to pull it off" has always been present in my mind.

The scope of the story is much smaller, than the synopsis would suggest. Perhaps that misleading.... like I said above.. just a few characters, a few situations, Iv already tried my hand at the special effects, and know I can do it. Some 3d modeling, easy enough to buy some good models, one or two simple matchmoves etc..

wont be free, but certainly affordable for micro budget.
 
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Yeah, so I gave it some thought, and my honest opinion is that you send your logline and synopsis to hell.

You're producing this yourself. You don't need a good synopsis, not until you're tying to get people interested in watching it.

You do need a good logline, but not completely in the traditional sense (you're not trying to sell any producers). I like to think of a logline as a thesis-statement for the movie. You need to know what it is about, in one sentence. It sounds to me like you've already got that.

Sooooooooo.....what I'm going to suggest is that you submit your screenplay for Indietalk review. I don't think any of us can fairly critique what's going on, unless we really know what's going on.
 
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1st - It feels all over the road:

Ignoring humanity <-> Sick and injured are consumed in golden flames

Rebuilding <-> The end of the human race

Upheaval <-> Humanity is too tired to care

For several years <-> In this strange new world


2nd - I would break it into its act structure and elements, then work and refine and whittle down each piece of synopsis like the logline to that act.


3rd- In general (script wise) I would split the back story between opening sequence and 1st act proper where it is can be made practical through conversation:



1st ACT (Opening Credits / Establishing Shots + Back Story / Exposition Visuals and Audio Sequence):

For several years, the enormous golden starship has floated in the sky over rural country side

Birth rates have steadily declined

People and animals are consumed in cold golden flames just before death

It’s slow burn to the end of the human race



1st ACT PROPER
In this strange new world LYN helps her father JAMES prepare another rescue attempt of her mother and siblings from the golden ship


(Inciting Incident):

James is mortally wounded and is consumed in golden flames



2nd ACT
Lyn strikes out on her own to rescue her family

(-Something happens-)

Lost, hurt and alone, she is helped by her father, who is now aboard the ship

(-Something happens- )

They discover the true purpose of the alien ship

(-Something happens- )



3rd ACT
Battle

(Do or die moment.)

Defeat the menace

Rekindle the fading spark of humanity

(-Something weird happens IF you want to set up for a sequel-)


The End


-Thanks-
 
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Thanks dudes and dudetes,
buddy knows a bit more of the story, hes helped and added some content directly... and yes, he is genius.

Iv been inspired by how this group (sometimes me) help others by nailing down a sweet logline, it just seems to FOCUS the story and purpose so well...

My thought is to redo this from the inside out. Meaning, set the log line, define the arc and key situations, etc.. and expanding from there. My synopsis in this context I guess is a broad outline.
 
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